


Man of Magic, Man of Science

by TonySnark (Sherlocked729)



Series: Man of Magic, Man of Science [1]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Doctor Strange (Comics), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Bucky Barnes Still Has His Metal Arm, Clint Barton Also Lives In Bed-Stuy, Deaf Clint Barton, Dissociation, M/M, Not Steve Friendly, OOC Steve Rogers, PTSD, Physical Abuse, Single Clint Barton, Smoking, Stephen Strange Is Lonely, Steve Rogers is an asshole, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor, With No Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-09-02 00:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 46,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8644783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocked729/pseuds/TonySnark
Summary: Tony Stark is reeling six months later after the Civil War and dealing with his anger in unhealthy ways. He's pushing everyone he cares about away. Can the only person that can relate to him become something more, something that makes Tony want to better himself? Better yet, can he make Tony love him as much he eventually loves him?





	1. leaving

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Strange/Iron fanfic and I feel pretty terrified tbh. If you notice a character doing something OOC, chances are that I already am well aware of it and I did it for a reason. Review if you like it or if you see something incorrect as far as Stephen Strange’s character goes, please let me know. I’ve read a few Doctor Strange comics and seen the movie twice, but I’m still feeling uneasy writing his character.  
> Enjoy!

  
“Tony.”

“Tony…”

“Tony!”

The man woke with a start and looked blinked several times before an angry Pepper came into focus. She looked down at him where he lay on the floor, on top of what Tony assumed was a broken award of his father’s.

God, he felt sore all over. What had even happened last night? His splitting headache wasn’t helping much either but all he could do was stare up at his girlfriend. She must have been trying to wake him for a long time by the irritated expression on her face.

“I’m up, I’m up… what… what are we doing now?” he half-slurred, rubbing his head before rolling over on his hands and knees to help himself up.

“I don’t know what you’re doing but I’m leaving, Tony. I can’t play this game anymore with you…”

It took Tony several moments to take in what she was saying.

“What game?”

She ran a hand through her fiery hair before pursing her lips. “This game where you get angry at your friends and I try to help and then you and I start yelling at each other, and you pass out in a pile of… whatever. I’ve played this stupid game for too many months and I’m just… tired. I’m tired, Tony,” she replied in exasperation.

It was now when Tony Stark realized that she had her large suitcase packed behind her. She really was leaving.

“So when things start getting rough between us, you’re going to run off and abandon me, tail between your legs?” Tony asked shortly, finally standing up but swaying as the alcohol still fogged his body up with fatigue.

“I’m not abandoning you… stop being so dramatic, Tony,” she sighed. “I just can’t do this! This isn’t even a relationship anymore! This is you having a problem that I can’t help you with, and… and I’m putting my whole life on the backburner while I’m watching you drown yourself in alcohol day in and day out! I love you and I’ll probably always love you but I just… can’t deal with this anymore.”

He felt a hard punch to his stomach and he almost felt nauseous. He scoffed, and looked at her with dead eyes. “Me, you mean. You can’t deal… with _me_ anymore.”

She searched his face for a moment before finally nodding. “That’s right. I can’t deal with you anymore. It’s just too much.”

Tony shook his head in disbelief. “So that’s it, then?”

Pepper nodded and looked at him, pity in her eyes. “Yes, that’s it.” With that, she grabbed her suitcase and wheeled it out of Avengers Tower, formally Stark Tower, leaving Tony in a deafening silence.

“DAMN IT! SHIT!” Tony suddenly yelled before he knocked off another of his father’s awards and shattered it on the floor in a million pieces.  He kicked one of the larger pieces away before he started towards his workshop on the bottom floor in the garage.

If she wanted to leave, that was her business. He didn’t need her. He loved her but he didn’t need her, not when he had something better. Something that was always there for him, no matter what. Something that made him feel better, even if for several hours before he passed out.

He staggered into his garage and made a beeline for where he kept his stash. He grabbed a bottle of scotch and took a long pull from the bottle, not bothering to pour it in a glass. He could feel his headache already starting to lighten with the first taste of it again.

He brought it over to his work desk and almost fell into his chair and chuckled to himself. Jesus he was wreck.

He had been like this since he kept back from the Civil War, everything he ever knew a lie that blew apart his world and sent shards of sharp pieces of glass into his heart and mind. He took another pull from the bottle and let the alcohol burn his throat as he remembered that exact moment and the _blind rage_ he felt towards both Steve and Barnes. Then another pull made him remember that he was all alone now, having pushed everyone out of his life.

Almost everyone.

_“Sir, it appears you might be in emotional distress by your elevated heartrate. Would you like me to contact someone that might be able to assist you?”_

“No, J… I don’t want anyone to assist me, except maybe if they’re going to help me drink this…”

There was a pause from the AI before his metallic voice echoed in the room once again. “ _I do not believe it is an intelligent idea to be working while you are in your intoxicated condition, Mr. Stark…”_

Tony chuckled again. “Please, my father was Mr. Stark… you can just call me Tony…” he laughed drunkenly again.

“Anthony…” a vaguely familiar voice suddenly chimed in.

Tony might have jumped out of his skin if the alcohol hadn’t relaxed him so much and already clouded his mind. He raised his eyebrows before he also raised his mostly empty bottle to the other man that had appeared from literally another dimension.

“Stevy! So glad you could drop in… would you like to share in a toast with me?”

The doctor appeared to glide in before he walked over to Tony, grabbing a glass before sitting down across from the inventor. He grabbed the bottle from him and poured himself a very small amount before handing the bottle back to him.

“Why are you doing this to yourself? You have so much potential and you’re just wasting it by climbing inside of a bottle. I can’t remember the last time any of your friends have seen you sober.”

“Who was it this time that rat me out? Pepper? It was probably Pepper… God, how did she even find you? Aren’t you living in Katmandu or whatever? Like that one Bob Segar song?” Tony asked before he gently clinked his bottle against Steve’s glass and finished it off in a few gulps.

Stephen Strange took a small sip of his glass that he held with shaking hands. “I’ve told you several times, Tony, I’ve moved into 177A Bleecker St in New York." He set the glass down carefully and shook his head at his part time friend.  “You’re better than this.”

Tony scoffed and shook his head. “No, I’m not. Don’t even lie to me, Strange. You know I’m not better than this. Don’t try to placate me.”

The doctor sighed heavily and took another sip of his scotch before wincing slightly as it went down. “You know you’re better than this and you don’t need someone like me to reassure you of it. You just need –“

“Oh yes! Please, _do_ tell me what I need to do, because I just never get tired of hearing that from other people, so why not you?”

Stephen set his jaw before he leaned back in his chair and looked Tony in the eye. “You need to get your shit together. You need to stop drinking, especially with your family history of alcoholism, and you need to start working off that anger you’re feeling.”

Tony also leaned back in his chair, shaking his head as he smirked. “Is that it? Is that your magical plan for me? To get off the booze and knock around a couple dummies in the gym? Bravo, Strange! Take two KO’s and call me in the morning…”

Steve stood up abruptly now and fixed his cloak before he started back towards his swirling dimension opening.

Tony looked only vaguely dismayed. “Oh come on! Was it something I said?”

Stephen spun around. “You know, I used to be like you. Just as arrogant and selfish and egotistical and what did it get me?!  I got into a car wreck, lost my job because of the loss of the use of my hands, and my girlfriend! You think you’re the only person who suffers but you’re not! You’re the only person I have anything in common with around here and you’re just… being as insufferable and idiotic as I was!”

He spun back around and disappeared back into his portal before it closed up, leaving Tony alone once again.

Tony sighed heavily again before he moved back over to his booze stash and grabbed a bottle of wine and opened it. He took a long swig of it and set it down on the desk, looking down and feeling all twisted up.

He knew that Stephen Strange was right; the alcohol wasn’t doing him any good, and he wasn’t the only one who was suffering, but Jesus, did he sure feel like he was. It fucking sucked to be alone now that Pepper had left but there was an odd part of him that didn’t miss her as much as he thought he would.

Instead, he found himself already missing the company that was the doctor. And that truly was the strange part.


	2. sad / not mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony panicks. Stephen calms him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I’m so glad you’re liking it!   
> Keep them coming!
> 
> Here's a longer chapter to make up for being AWOL.

Tony hit the magnetic chip that was inside his wrist, probably with much more force than was needed, but it knocked his armor into alignment and his wrist armor lit up in recognition.

He watched it start to fly in the air and he held up his hand in a ‘halt’ signal. “Whoa, no. Just testing right now, pal. Don’t actually need you,” Tony directed.

The armor fell back onto the desktop gently but continued to illuminate its light. Tony sighed tiredly and paused for a few minutes as his vision blurred slightly, causing objects to merge to become one blurry object. It had been at least three days since Stephen Strange’s visit and the inventor hadn’t slept since he left.

It would be so easy to drink until he passed out but he liked challenges, and he also didn’t want to be completely shitfaced if the Doctor decided to drop by again. This time he was determined to be sober, as difficult as that was for him.

_“Sir, Ms. Pepper Potts is here to see you. Would you like me to let her in?”_

Tony felt a heaviness overwhelm him and he sighed again. “Yeah, sure. Let her inside. I have a few words to say to her anyway…”

He rubbed his eyes and hit the chip in his wrist again to turn the armor off this time. Once the light on the armor disappeared, he moved upstairs and looked around for Pepper until he found her in what used to be their room. He stood contemplatively in the doorway, watching her.

“What’d you forget? All your baggage?” Tony quipped in exhaustion.

Pepper turned around and looked at him with exasperation. “You _are_ my baggage, Tony. Look at you; when was the last time you slept? Have you even eaten anything?”

Tony cocked his head a bit to the side as he looked at Pepper with hard eyes. “Stop mothering me, Pep. I don’t need you to do that anymore. Whatever you forgot, I could have had it sent to you. You didn’t have to come here and –"

“And what?” Pepper interrupted. “Interfere with whatever new suit you’re building or did you not want me to see what floozy you’re sleeping with?”

“For your information, it’s been three damn days. I haven’t slept with anyone! I think you just came here to start a fight with me,” Tony clenched his jaw.

Pepper shoved some of her clothes into a suitcase. “You’re the one always picking fights, Tony.”

“Is that why you left, because I’m the one who was picking fights with you?”

“No, you know why I left,” then, as an afterthought, Pepper added, “I left because you were drinking, a lot. You haven’t been right since…” she sighed, looking up at the ceiling in thought. “A long time.”

Tony was trying his best to remain calm even though his anger was bubbling on the surface. “I haven’t been right… what does that mean exactly? That I haven’t been able to satisfy you? Or you haven’t been able to go on a decent shopping trip?”

Pepper snapped her head over to him while closing her suitcase at the same time. “You know that I don’t mean either of those things. You know exactly what I mean.”

Tony still watched her as she rolled her suitcase past him and started towards the elevator, which he quickly slipped inside with her. “Why don’t you tell me what you mean?”

“Not eating, not sleeping, working too much… pick one, Tony.”

He sighed and then suddenly turned to her. “We’ve had fights before but I watched as you packed. You left your ring here this time. Just pass over the divorce papers, Pep. Let me sign them so you can get out of here.”

“Tony…” there was hurt in her voice.

“No, just give me them. I’m sick of doing this dance with you twice a month. I’d rather just get this out of the way so I don’t have to see you again,” Tony replied matter-of-factly.

He waited until she finally took the papers out of her jacket pocket and handed it over to him to sign. He placed the papers on the surface of the elevator and started to sign every page. As he did this, there was silence except for the hum of the elevator and the scratching of the pen.

Finally, Pepper spoke again. “Aren’t you sad, Tony? Aren’t you upset even a little bit that things have come to this? That you’re making me do this to our marriage?”

Tony laughed a humorless laugh before he nodded and bit his lip.

“Yeah, I _am_ sad. I’m sad that… I can’t do anything right and even when I try to make things better, I just… end up screwing it up worse. I’m sad that all those civilians died in New York, and Sokovia, and Lagos… that’s what I’m sad about,” he searched her pursed-lipped face.

“You’re not sad about us though? That your self-destructive behavior ended our marriage? You’re not sad about that at all?”

Tony finished signing his name to the bottom of each paper and then threw them at her feet before he straightened himself. “I’m sad that you can’t find it inside yourself to try and help me. I’m sad that you’re giving up this easily after all we’ve been through. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. It’s been fun, Pepper.”

She looked speechless as she picked up the papers from off the floor, and she didn’t say anything else. In fact, Tony took in her facial expression, as if he had physically slapped her in the fact instead of just verbally.

After a few moments of silence and shock, she finally gained her composure back. “You’re going to die alone, Tony, because this is the kind of person you really are… and _that’s_ sad to me.”

With that, she turned on her heel and walked back out, suitcase in tow.

He waited until she left before he ran his hands through his dark hair, feeling cold and empty again. He didn’t know what to do with himself; he paced his Tower for half an hour, fighting the urge to turn to alcohol again. He couldn’t be alone right now. Being alone was the problem. It was half the reason why he drank. It killed the loneliness and made him numb to everything.

Tony bit his lip in thought before he sighed, feeling his heart start to race in his chest. “Jarvis, can you add Stephen Strange’s number into my phone for me?”

 _“Certainly, sir.”_ There was a pause before the AI spoke again. _“It is done, Mr. Stark. Would you like me to call him for you now?”_

Tony took his phone out, determined not to give into ultimate laziness. “Thanks but no thanks, J. I can do it myself, I think.” Tony hit the 'call’ button before adding, “I hope you’re satisfied, Doctor,” to no one in particular as it rang.

_One ring._

_Two rings._

_Three rings._

_Four rings._

He was about to hang up when he heard someone out of breath finally pick up. “H-Hello?”

At the sound of Stephen’s voice, Tony felt his heart race even more, but this time in a nervous way.  He temporarily forgot why he had called and his words escaped him until he heard the doctor’s voice again.

“Hello? Who is this?”

Tony pulled himself together and cleared his throat. “Err, sorry. Sorry about that. I… it’s me, Tony. Stark,” he added lamely. “I can call back later if you’re busy?”

“Stark? No… no, it’s fine. I just got back from fighting giant time-changing iguanas…”

Tony stifled a chuckle. “Time-changing iguanas, huh? Sounds like it’s never a dull moment in your world.”

Strange actually did chuckle aloud now. “Yeah, I guess so. What do you need, Stark? Avengers action or did you just misdial?”

Tony lost his train of thought again listening to the other man’s voice. Man, what was going on with him? He was completely losing it. “Oh, neither, actually. I was actually calling because…” he paused, and then decided against telling him about Pepper divorcing him. “You know what, you should come over. We can… hang out.”

“‘Hang out’? Are you drinking again, Stark?”

There was the sound of a grandfather clock chiming in the background.

“I’m sorry, are you sure you’re not living in some kind of Frankinstein-ish castle in the 1800s? I feel like you should have a magic carpet as well,” Tony cut in, unable to resist.

There was an exasperated sigh on the other end. “Goodbye, Tony.”

It was the disappointment in his voice that made Tony remember why he called in the first place. “No, wait. I’m sorry, all right? I’m just messing with you. I really would like you here with me, right now.” He hated how needy he sounded but there was no other way for him to express himself without jokes.

“Let me shower first and then I’ll head over.”

“Sure, thanks. See you soon, Strange,” he hung up and decided he should probably shower too, not having done that in a few days.

He took several deep breaths to stop the panic that was starting to build up inside of him. He wasn’t going to have a panic attack, not in front of this man. The last thing he wanted the doctor to see was him at his weakest.

He stripped off his clothes in front of the first shower he came across and started to wash the grime off his body. He was halfway through rinsing off when the panic exploded like a grenade inside him and he felt his lungs collapse.

_No. Why was he having one right now? There was no reason for it. Of course he would be panicking right now, of course; when this man that Tony no doubt considered his only friend at the moment would be coming over to keep him company._

It figured.

He slid down the wall once his legs grew tired and gave out. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on something nice. Something relaxing. His mind was clouded though, his whole body gripped in black panic. He couldn’t focus on anything nice or relaxing and he stayed on the floor of the shower for what felt like ages.

He needed to get out. The water hitting him wasn’t helping him at all; it just made him remember feeling the cold water hit him when his Malibu home was hit by nukes and he ended up falling into the water.

Tony scrambled to shut off the water and then grabbed his towel before he wrapped it around himself. He pressed himself against the wall and it was when he did so when he heard a familiar voice inside the Avengers Tower.

“Tony?” he called out.

Shit, he was here. Of course he was here. He couldn’t catch his breath and he suddenly let out a loud gasp before the rest of his body started to follow rhythm as it began to panic all over again.

Tony heard footsteps, and then, “Stark? Are you okay? Do you need help?”

“F-Fine!” Tony called out. “J-Jarvis, do s-something, pal…” he nearly begged softly.

_“As Mr. Strange appears to be a doctor, I believe it wise if you were to let him in so he could assist you.”_

“S-Somehow…. I k-knew you would s-say that…” Tony coughed and wiped at his eyes where tears had started to come down. Great, he was definitely a hot mess now. He twisted the doorknob so it opened slightly but he moved back to have some space.

“Tony?” Stephen Strange slowly entered and then unnecessarily closed the door behind him when he saw Tony’s state.  He moved closer to him and searched the inventor’s face with surprise in his own eyes, but no judgement.

“Hey,” he spoke, trying to diffuse the situation a bit. He knelt down and gently grabbed Tony’s wrist to feel his pulse. “Panic attack. What do you think set it off?”

Stephen’s voice was gentle, kind, and nothing how Pepper’s voice whenever he had a panic attack like this. Hers was unforgiving and selfish, judging. 

Tony shook his head, grasping at words in an attempt to put together a sentence. “D-Dunno… i-it just came w-without… warning.”

“That’s unusual. In most cases, something usually triggers panic attacks, even something small. You’re going to make it through this though, Stark. It’ll end shortly,” Steven spoke reassuringly before he became quiet, counting Tony’s heartbeat in his head.

All the inventor could do was nod his head but even that felt odd. His head felt heavy as lead and his hands were starting to feel numb. He moved onto his hands and knees and stayed there for several minutes with his eyes closed, just trying to focus on his breathing. It was a few more minutes when his body began to relax again when he could feel the doctor’s hand on his back.

He finally sat on the tiled floor but made sure he was covered, realizing to his embarrassment that he was naked except for the towel around his waist. Tony saw that Stephen’s hand had moved to Tony’s shoulder now.

“I know it’s a loaded question but how are you feeling? Any better?”

Tony nodded and sighed. “I… think it was the water in the shower.”

Stephen’s eyebrow was raised slightly as confusion touched his eyes. “What was?” When Tony gave him a knowing stare, realization came across his face. “Oh, right. The panic attack. Do you mean when your house was under attack and you fell into the water?”

Tony tensed slightly before deciding to shake off his surprise with a joke. “I forgot that every single thing I do is public record now.”

Stephen smirked slightly before he helped Tony to his feet. “Not everything. Just the things that make Iron Man look bad, depending on the news network, of course. I believe one news station stated that Iron Man jumped willingly into the water, ignoring his then girlfriend and not bothering to save her at all, but leaving her to her own devices…”

Tony sighed and started to lead him to his room so the inventor could get changed. “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.”

“You’re not mad?” Strange asked, surprised. “I know I would be if news networks called my superhero-ing selfish and not actually saving anyone else in the process.”

“Not mad,” Tony remarked in a calm voice. “Just disappointed.” He smirked back and then, deciding that since they were both adult men, he would just get changed quickly and try and not be self-conscious.

At least the good doctor had the sense to turn his head and pretend to look at the news clippings on the wall while Tony started to get dressed.

“For someone who wasn’t close to his father, you have a lot of clippings here about him.”

Tony glanced up after putting on his boxers and grabbed a pair of pants. “So which Avenger told you that? My money’s on Cap.”

Stephen smiled to himself. “Indeed it was Captain Rogers who told me. He thinks it’s because he got all your father’s attention and you were ignored by him. I wasn’t all that close to my father either,” he rambled before then asking, “where you close to your mother?”

Tony did the button on his jeans before zipping up. “She was the one who mostly looked after me. I went to her when my dad told me to go and play. I think she loved me more than he did. He just wanted an heir to his company.”

Stephen turned around and looked at Tony with sympathetic eyes. “I’m sure your father loved you, Tony, in his own way.”

The inventor shrugged and pulled on a long sleeved shirt before he ran a hand through his damp hair. “Let’s not talk about my deprived childhood relationship with my father. He’s probably half the reason why I’m having panic attacks in the first place.”

“Tony… you’ve been through a lot of trauma, things that I wouldn’t have been able to handle very well myself. You should give yourself more credit.”

The other man was at a loss for words, truly not believing that he should give himself any credit, whatsoever. He hadn’t been able to handle what happened in New York, or Sokovia, or Lagos; at least not in a healthy way. He handled it in his own way.

“You… go through dimensional rifts the way that I tinker with my suits. You’re a glorified wizard with… jazz hands,” Tony scoffed playfully.

“You’re just annoyed that you can’t explain my magic scientifically. You’re a man of science. It’s perfectly natural and very common for people like you to react that way. I didn’t believe it at first either, Stark. I thought it was something to do with drugs slipped in my tea, but… it’s much more than I ever could have imagined.”

Tony nodded now, wanting to truly understand his perspective of it all. He wanted to be more open to the idea of several worlds in one but it was enough to almost give him an existential crisis at the same time.

“Do you ever wish that you were never introduced to it in the first place?”

Stephen appeared to think on this before he smiled slightly. “No. I don’t believe so. I enjoy learning more about it, the magic of it all, and reading all the books. I enjoy being able to do something worthy in my life, for once. I believe this is what I was meant to do all along, Tony. What about you? Do you ever regret announcing yourself as Iron Man?”

“All the time,” Tony answered, without missing a beat. “Every time someone innocent dies by my hand, my… unintentional hand, I regret being Iron Man. Before I was just a man with a lot of money but now… I’m a murderer with a lot of money.”

Stephen had already started to shake his head in disagreement before Tony was finished talking. “You’re not a murderer. You’ve made mistakes and bad things happen in the midst of battle. There isn’t anything you can do about that. People are going to die, innocent people, but you just have to make sure that your choices will make it so more innocent people live. If the number of innocent people that will live outweigh the number of the ones that will not, then you’re making a decent choice, and no one can fault you for that.”

Tony half smiled now and moved towards Stephen. “I think you’re a wrong doctor. You should be a psychiatrist instead of a surgeon.”

“Well, ex-surgeon now. There’s no way I can do surgery with these hands,” Strange replied, holding up his trembling hands.

Tony looked at them and then took one of them into his own hands to examine them. He saw the faint scars of surgeries past and felt a warmness run through him before he let go. “Did it hurt? The car wreck?”

“Well, it didn’t feel good.”

Tony shook his head and sighed. “You know what I mean; the things the news never reports.”

Strange was silent for a long time.

“It happened so fast. I looked down for a split second and I don’t remember much else except the feeling of my hands being crunched on the steering wheel and being half conscious, being in shock at what happened and how much pain I was in. I’ll never forget the feeling of my fingers though and just… watching that happen to myself felt so surreal.”

Tony imagined the scene, and then felt sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to picture this man in that situation, or being hurt again. It was this feeling that made him realize that he cared for this human more than himself, and that had to mean something.

“That’s… pretty much how I felt in Afghanistan, when I woke up with an electromagnet in my chest to keep the shrapnel out, attached to a battery. It was shock.”

Strange seemed to shift his weight a bit and it was now when Tony took his appearance in. His beard was beginning to come in again, his hair was a damp mess, his cape hugged his shoulders and it made his figure look more slender than he normal. He was tall and lanky, but somehow had muscular arms. Not large muscles, but they were there, and it seemed out of place with the structure of his body.

“O-Okay, enough sob stories. Do you want to take your cape off and I can show you some moves? Maybe I can knock the magic out of you,” Tony remarked jokingly.

Stephen smirked again and chuckled. “That I would like to see. It’ll take some convincing to keep this cloak off of me but I would like nothing more than to knock Tony Stark on his ass.”

“Bring it, Harry Potter. The training area is downstairs. Follow me.”


	3. like looking into a mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is cranky and stubborn but Stephen doesn't want to leave.

 

Stephen Strange was better at kickboxing than Tony thought he would be. After about the fifth jab to Tony’s face in a row, the inventor decided it was time to take a break.

He picked himself off the floor and started silently towards where his water was lying.

“Are you mad that I’m kicking your ass?”

Tony took a long drink before shoving the plastic straw back inside the bottle and threw it down on the ground again. “What? No, of course not. I wouldn’t call a few cheap shots ‘kicking my ass.’”

Stephen smirked and danced around a bit. “You’re right, Stark. We can always chalk it up to your lack of sleep and food, if it makes you feel better. I’m sure you’d be kicking _my_ ass if I was you right now.”

Tony cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes playfully. “Who said I haven’t eaten or slept? I never told you that, Doc. Are you and Jarvis buddy-buddy now?”

Stephen shrugged and finally stopped dancing before he threw his gloves down and grabbed his own water as sweat dripped off of his forehead and onto the mat. He turned to look at the other man. “Please, I was a surgeon. I know the signs of not eating or sleeping for days on end. That’s not healthy, Tony. You really need to be healthy.”

“Yeah, thanks for your professional opinion but I’m fine,” Tony retorted, sighing as he watched Stephen take a drink of his own water before tossing it back on the mat. “Anyway, I know what my body can take and what it can’t, and…. I just don’t need you butting into my body.”

The ex-surgeon punched Tony first in the chin and then in the stomach before side-stepping quickly and dealing Tony a hard kick to his ribs, causing him to fall onto his knees and cringing.

The wind was knocked out of him and it took him a few minutes to recover before he forced himself back up again but not before Strange came over and looked at him worriedly before holding out his hand to help him.

Tony knocked his hand away and shook his head. “I’m fine. I don’t need your help.” He attempted to fake him out but Stephen had expected it and he moved away from Tony’s punch towards his stomach.

“Your coordination is off and your reaction time is severely delayed. Calories and sleep could both help with those things, you know,” Stephen suggested.

Tony growled in frustration before he threw down one of his gloves and then took the other off and threw it as hard as he could at Strange, who only flinched slightly and looked more concerned than angry.

“I’m sick of you telling me what I need to do! I don’t need to sleep! I don’t need to eat! None of it matters, Strange! You’re not a doctor anymore so just stop being one towards me!” Tony suddenly shouted, his hands bawling into fists.

Stephen set his gloves down on the mat and moved over to the inventor, his hands up.

“Hey, just calm down, all right? I’m sorry, Tony. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just worried about you. Not sleeping and eating is probably why you’re having panic attacks. It can be one of the causes of them. You’re not taking care of yourself, and… I get why…”

“Do you, though? I think you have absolutely no fucking idea!” Tony shouted still, jumping out of the training ring with his water and started towards the door.

“Jarvis, for Mr. Stark’s own good, please lock the door and don’t let him out until I say so,” Stephen ordered gently.

 _“Very well, Mr. Strange.”_ There was the _click-click_ sound of doors behind locked and Tony turned around sharply.

He stormed towards Stephen angrily. “You think you can just waltz in my Tower and order my AI around? He’s programmed to _my_ voice! You can’t override his protocols! You can’t control either of us!”

_“Actually, sir, Ms. Potts added his name to my list of people who give me voice commands about six months ago. I am ordered to obey his orders, Mr. Stark.”_

“Of course she did… of course,” he clenched his jaw and then threw his water bottle across the room with hefty throw.

“Tony, she was worried about you and I was a backup plan she had in case you wouldn’t listen to her. You need to stop throwing things and behaving like a child!”

He stared at Stephen for several moments before his tenseness disappeared, along with his anger, and he was left standing there limply, his body looking weaker than ever and most likely several pounds less than the last time he saw Tony.

“I’m so tired, Strange. I’m tired… of everything. I’m tired of being the cause of everything when all I’m trying to do is help people. I’m just… tired,” Tony admitted before he ran his hands through his sweat-matted hair.

Gentleness touched Stephen’s eyes and he moved towards Tony. “You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened on missions. Accidents happen and… you won’t get anywhere by putting all the blame on yourself and thinking about it all day long.”

“Yeah? What do you know about accidents? You’re probably the best doctor in New York,” Tony sighed, looking up at him.

Stephen shook his head. “I was so arrogant and narcissist. I really did think I was the best doctor around here, but… sometimes my arrogance cost lives. I didn’t let it get to me though because the number of people I let slip through my fingers weren’t nearly as many as I had saved.”

Tony remembered what Stephen had told him earlier. It had been very similar to his own situation. He took a deep breath and nodded, understanding the connection. It didn’t change all the guilt inside himself though. Nothing could.

“Open the door, Strange. It’s ridiculous that I have to say that in my own place, but… just open it. I need to get out of here. Your good will and teachable moment is suffocating me,” Tony attempted to airily joke but it came out as an angry scoff.

Tony felt like he was always angry these days.

The doctor stared at the other man for what felt like ages before he finally sighed feebly. “Fine, Jarvis… unlock the door for Tony.”

There was the sound of an automatic unlock and as soon as the AI did as he was told, Tony shoved the door open full force before he stepped outside into the closed off area behind the Tower building and pulled a cigarette case out of his jeans and a lighter before lighting one between his lips.

Stephen, not wanting to be alone at the moment and having nothing better to really do, followed him out and grabbed the cigarette out of Tony’s mouth before he crushed it in his hand and threw it on the ground impatiently.

“What the hell are you doing, Stark?”

Tony clenched his jaw and pulled out another one before looking Stephen dead in the eye as he lit it, challengingly. “Is this the part where you tell me that smoking isn’t good for my health, in your professional opinion?”

This time Strange didn’t crush the other one, but it was difficult for him to hold back. It hurt him to watch Tony hurt himself like this. He swallowed hard, afraid to cause more conflict. “No, I’m not going to tell you that, Stark. If people actually listened to doctors about how dangerous cigarettes really are, there wouldn’t be anyone dying of lung cancer.”

Tony exhaled the smoke away from Stephen. “Well, I won’t argue with you there.” He smoked for a few moments in silence before he looked back at him. “Why are you still here? I mean, it’s nice… to have companionship, I guess, but usually no one sticks around me this long. Are you on a secret mission for Fury or something?”

“No secret mission. I just… enjoy your companionship as well. It’s nice to have someone else to talk to that isn’t Wong or my ex-girlfriend.”

“Ah, there’s an area we have in common. Tell me about her, this woman.”

Stephen sighed heavily.

“Her name is Christine and… we used to… love each other, I suppose you could call it. We had a relationship, on and off. I… treated her horribly, before my accident, and she left, as any smart person would have done. I don’t fault her for it.”

“You treated her horribly… physically?”

This took Stephen aback, but he simply raised an eyebrow. “No, not physically. Just… verbally. I’d get angry at myself and take it out on her.”

Tony knew all about that. He found that he could relate to verbal abuse on a cellular level, both towards others and also towards him. He knocked the ash off his quickly diminishing cigarette. “That sounds familiar. Are you sure you’re not actually living my life?”

Stephen smirked softly. “We do have a lot in common, don’t we?”

He nodded once and then cleared his throat before he put his cigarette out on the ground.

“Yeah, it's like looking into a mirror." And then after a few minutes, he spoke again. "So… Wong. Tell me about him. Friend, boyfriend, lover?”

Stephen chuckled a bit at the thought of Wong and him together, as lovers. “Maybe… friend? Associate is the term I’d use personally. I’m Master of the Sanctum in New York here and I’m sort of taken on Wong as my assistant to help me while I get used to things, or rather… he assigned himself to me.”

“Right,” Tony nodded in understanding. “Do you have… any particular person in your life at the moment?”

“Why are you so curious about my love life, Tony?” Stephen asked with a small smile.

Stark shrugged but didn’t meet the doctor’s eyes. “I don’t know. Just curious. I can still be curious, right? Anyway, since you’re going to be dropping in on me now, we should know about each other.”

Stephen examined Tony’s exhausted, sullen face and he felt his stomach turn in pity.

“There’s no one really at the moment. How about you? You and Pepper kiss and make up yet?”

“Of course not. It’s too soon. Anyway, I don’t think I even want to get back together with her. She just likes to fix things.”

“Sounds familiar,” Stephen cleared his throat.

Tony did a mock laugh. “Yeah, I bet it does. Shouldn’t you be getting back to Wong and jump through dimensional hoops, or whatever it is you do?”

“Do you want me to go back?” Stephen asked softly, his hands trembling harder than normal.

Tony finally met his eyes and he swallowed hard before he shook his head. “No, I don’t think I do, actually. If you want to stay here, I can fix you up a room? If you don’t have any other obligations.”

Stephen smiled a bit more now and nodded. “Thank you. That’d be great, Tony.”

“Good. Dinner’s in two hours,” Tony nodded and finally cracked a smile back up at him before disappearing back inside.


	4. I owe you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote something else here but I edited this chapter so please just read it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After months of not updating, here it finally is! Let me know what you guys think!

**.   .   .**

Tony watched the ex-doctor distractedly eat his dinner, the silence between them becoming deafening. He wondered if his sudden silence now was about their argument earlier or something else. He cleared his throat after swallowing his bite of pasta.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Stephen Strange blinked a couple times and then looked down before looking around uneasily and let his eyes finally land on Tony. “Sorry – just… distracted. Tony, I don’t think I can stay here tonight. I have too many… obligations.”

Tony’s heart sank slightly but he nodded, pretending not to be disappointed about being alone in his huge Tower. He scratched at his temple. “That’s right. Gotta save the universe. I suppose you wouldn’t be the Supreme whatever-it-is if you didn’t.”

He took a long drink of wine and saw Stephen shift uncomfortably in his seat.

 “Are you drinking because I’m leaving, Tony?”

The inventor let out a scoff of disbelief. “What? No way.  You can leave if you want. I’m not holding you prisoner here or anything, Strange. Anyway, you’re drinking too!” He pointed to the other man’s mostly full glass of wine.

“Barely. I just watched you drink the whole thing down as soon as I told you I was leaving… what’s going on, Anthony?”

Tony cringed at his full first name and he sighed before pursing his lips. “Nothing. Is. Wrong. Not everything is about you, _Doc._ As you’ve reminded me before, I have a family history of alcoholism. Is it really that surprising that I happen to like my alcohol too?”

Steve leaned back against his chair now and ran his hands through his dark hair, quiet for several moments before he proceeded to speak.

“Your family history doesn’t determine the person you’re going to be, Stark. It just determines the type of person your father was. You can change who you are. I digress though; I’m afraid I should be going.”

Tony poured himself another glass of wine and took another sip, soon feeling his mind beginning to cloud up. He shouldn’t be acting this way, not to Stephen Strange. He should be understanding, maybe even respectful but the bitterness he was feeling about Pepper, about the Avengers, about his father, was clouding his better judgement about this situation and making his tongue spew venom left and right. It was something that couldn’t be controlled.

“Is that why your ex-girlfriend left you? Because you had too many obligations?” He knew it was a low blow but once again, couldn’t be controlled.

Stephen stood up now and nearly knocked over his chair before he took his plate over to the garbage and threw out the remainder of his food and put his plate into the dishwasher. He walked back over to the table and looked at Tony with unreadable eyes.

“Obviously that’s why Pepper left you, right? I don’t see her around, and knowing your history of self-destruction, I can only assume that that must be the reason,” Strange replied, almost matter-of-factly.

Tony didn’t like it when the venom was directed back towards him. He stiffened slightly and bristled before he laughed humorlessly, shaking his own head and standing up.

 “Why do you make everything about me?”

“ _You_ make everything about you! This house is about you! Your friends are about you! Your suits, your Pepper, your company… everything is about you, isn’t it, Stark? Your name on everything, you make sure that you’re the center of everything!” Stephen exclaimed, motioning his fingers around in a circular pattern.

He knew that Strange was right but he didn’t like being told this. He met his eyes and felt his heart doing backwards somersaults in his chest. That was something else that he didn’t want to admit. He looked at him, the fight gone from him now but took another long drink of wine.

“Better go then; Wong will be worried if you don’t show up.”

Stephen searched the other man’s face and sighed. “You understand just as well as I do what we have to do, as superheroes or whatever you want to call us. You understand the sacrifices we have to make, I know you do. I’ll come back. We can hang out again, talk, and I’ll even spend the night here if you still want me to. I’m just taking a raincheck this time, Anthony.”

Tony was scolding himself for feeling so insecure, so paranoid that Stephen wouldn’t come back like Pepper. Or Rogers. Or Barton. Or Romanov. Or anyone else that hadn’t been on his side during their civil war.

He nodded now. “Yeah, okay.”

He looked up in time to watch as Stephen started to wave his hand in a circle, making sparks start to form the familiar circle of atoms and sparks so fast that it looked like fire.

“Try and take it easy on that wine. You need all the brain cells you have.”

Tony finally found himself genuinely chuckling as he waved him out. “Yeah, yeah. Until next time, Strange.”

Stephen also chuckled and nodded. “Until next time, Stark,” he echoed back before he walked through what Tony assumed was another dimension that would take the man back to his Sanctum on Bleeker Street.

 

**.   .   .   .   .**

Tony didn’t know what was more important that his new friend had to get back to, but he knew better than to doubt that it wasn’t important. He knew too well about his own obsessive need to help others and protect them from evil men that wished to do nothing but harm. He knew that responsibility that he had as well as those on his team had. Saving the world would always come first; that went without saying.

As he lay on the couch, drinking the rest of the wine and watching the most recent Bond movie, he was trying to self-reflect and think about what he was feeling. This introspection helped ground him when he felt lost or panicky. Every time he listened to Stephen Strange’s voice, it made his stomach do backflips and if he wasn’t so naturally outspoken, he’d be at a loss for words. He felt almost nervous around the man, and he never felt nervous around anyone who wasn’t actively trying to kill him. If he didn’t know better, he’d think he actually felt something towards Strange, but that was a strange thought in and of itself. It wasn’t even a matter of loving the same sex; that didn’t bother Tony. He knew that he was bisexual, because he knew that _yes, that was actually a real thing_. He found woman attractive but he also found many men attractive and he had experiences with both, but only the public knew about the women, as did his team. Tony had kept the men he had slept with as secretive as possible, however, unsure how anyone else would take hearing about it.

He found himself close to drifting to sleep when he suddenly heard the doorbell. He felt a jolt in his chest that he knew had nothing to do with the arc reactor in his chest. “J, who’s at the door?”

_“It’s Sergeant Barnes, sir. Shall I let him in?”_

Tony sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. Things had been tense initially after the War, but once things calmed down between everyone, James Barnes had been the first one to come see Tony. The first time he had invited himself over, it was for routine maintenance on his mechanical arm. Then he started coming over for company and Steve Rogers didn’t like that idea very much so he left Bucky to his own devices and let him do what he felt he needed to do, talk to whom he felt he needed to talk to. Over the course of several months, Tony and Bucky had formed an odd type of friendship, which Tony felt fit the self-destructive trait fairly well, friending the very man who murdered his parents.

“Sure, Jarvis. Show him in.”

Tony finished the one-quarter of wine that was left in his glass and he felt his head buzzing but it wasn’t anything that he couldn’t handle. He waited a few minutes until he heard footsteps and then saw an unsure looking face.

“Didn’t mean to crash your solo party, Stark… this a bad time?” He asked, glancing at the empty bottle of wine that stood on the coffee table and the empty glass.

Tony shook his head. “No, of course not. What brings you around this time? Business or pleasure?”

Bucky lifted up his metal arm. “Business. I need it fixed again. Do you mind?”

Stark glanced at the arm and nodded before he motioned for the ex-vet to follow him. He walked downstairs to his setup and walked over to a workbench before he gently kicked the chair towards the other man. “Have a seat, man. What exactly seems to be the issue?”

James Barnes sat down and he cringed as he tried to bring his the individual fingers upwards and then suddenly felt a pain as a shock shot through the metal and hit his shoulder, causing him to groan in pain. “It started yesterday. It stopped working in the middle of carrying dinner plates to the kitchen. I broke six of them of them.”

Tony wanted to question who all were over there but he felt like he probably already knew. He focused on the task at hand instead. He gently grabbed Bucky’s wrist and reached over to grab one of his high tech screwdrivers that could open up the individual fingers so he could fix the problem. “Sounds like an electrical problem. Did it burn you just now, when you tried to lift your fingers up?”

He instinctively rubbed his shoulder, nodding. “It feels like a burning sensation and a shock at the same time, intensified. What the hell’s going on with it?”

The inventor could tell by his tone that the Sergeant was more worried or concerned than angry. He opened it up and started to examine each of the fingers and the main piece they all connected to, slowly screwing the right pieces back into place. “It’s wear and tear, buddy. You’ve had this arm forever. You can’t expect it to work without a few bumps here and there. If you let me make you a new, more refined arm, though, stuff like this wouldn’t happen as much as it does now.”

“I’m not worth the time you’d have to put into it,” Bucky shook his head.

Tony glanced up at him now and every part of his being was telling him that he needed to hate this man but seeing the same self-hatred in this kid that he saw in himself, he couldn’t manage to have the amount of hate he should have towards him. “Who told you that?”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m sure you probably did at one point.”

“Yeah, yeah, bygones and such now. I’m serious though. Whose shit list did you recently get on to make you think you’re not worth anyone’s time?” Stark asked, looking back down at the fingers and adjusting and tightening everything.

Barnes sighed. “I got into it with Banner when he visited us yesterday, and then, after everyone left, I got into it with Steve.”

Tony stifled a chuckle. “You’re just the life of the party, aren’t you?”

“Obviously. Anyway, they both basically told me I wasn’t worth anyone’s time. Steve was angry that I was coming here and he couldn’t understand it, and he was also afraid that you might try to hurt me, and I might try to kill you.”

“A reasonable fear to have in normal circumstances. Did you tell him that we kissed and made up?”

Bucky chuckled and shrugged.

“I should’ve told him exactly that. Then you wouldn’t be alive anymore.”

Tony shivered a little but didn’t look up at him. “Oh yeah? Cap got a thing about guys making out with each other?”

“I guess he’s a bit old-fashioned.”

Tony scoffed and shook his head, feeling disgust. “Well you have the old part right.”

He could feel Bucky’s eyes on him now but he continued to focus on his work. The two men remained quiet for at least twenty-five minutes before Tony switched tools and finished up with his fingers. He pressed the button to close them up again and then stretched his back, his muscles feeling tense and stiff after being hunched over for so long. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and put his tools away. “There you go, Barnes. You should be all set again.”

He lifted his fingers slowly to make sure they were going to work properly and felt relief when he didn’t get shocked or burned this time. He nodded appreciatively at Stark. “Thank you.”

“Anything for a frenemy.”

Bucky chuckled again and stood up but looked up at the door with hesitation. Tony looked over at him and searched his face. “You don’t want to go back, do you?” He asked knowingly.

The Winter Soldier shook his head before he groaned and ran both his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Want to stay here tonight? Go back tomorrow? Or… whenever? It’s not like I don’t have the extra space to hold you up here,” Tony offered.

Bucky finally looked back at him with grateful eyes and nodded.

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, Stark.”

Tony smirked and nodded back. “Of course. Follow me to your new living quarters. I’ll put you up in Rogers’ old room. He left a change of clothes. You two are about the same build.” He led him towards what used to be Steve’s room when he was living in Avengers Tower. I’m right down the hall if you need anything, or you can ask Jarvis. Help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen, shower if you want, I don’t care. Just don’t murder me in my sleep and we’re good. Questions? Comments?”

“Yeah, why did you ask me about Steve and that thing about kissing guys earlier?”

Tony tensed up slightly but then shrugged off the question, looking at Barnes straight in the eye. “I was just hitting your buttons, seeing if you’d react when I bashed the Cap. Did it work?”

Barnes smirked but didn’t look entirely convinced about Tony’s answer.

“No, but good try. ‘Night.”

Tony gently patted Bucky’s shoulder with his hand. “Goodnight, kid. See you in the morning.”

He walked back into the living room, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, as he cleaned up the room a bit, shut off the movie that he had forgotten to pause earlier, and then headed towards his own room down the hall. He got changed and heard his the text notification for his phone. Tony walked over to it and looked at it, smiling to himself when he saw a text from Stephen Strange and the words:

 _“Sorry again, I owe you_.”


	5. house call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blah blah stuff happens. blah blah blah more stuff happens. idk man just read it?

**.   .    .**

Tony woke up the next morning half reluctantly, feeling a black pit beginning to open up somewhere within himself. He knew this feeling too well. It felt like a tangled mess of nerves inside him, twisting and causing the early signs of panic to become unleashed.

He knew what it was too, and because he knew what it was, he hated himself for it.

There was no reason to feel panic, but at the same time there was. Bucky had a history, as well as the two of them with each other. They had battled each other in the War, or rather Tony had tried to kill him. If anything, the Winter Soldier was the one who should have been afraid of _him_ , but he wasn’t. Tony knew that they had decided, after a very long talk, several arguments, as well as bruises, that they should put their conflicts with each other in the past and move on, for the sake of the team. Internal conflict within a group always spelled disaster.

He couldn’t stop feeling the fear and panic, though. Anyone who experienced panic attacks knew full well that they aren’t something that one can “shut off” at will. You need to ride it out and the most you can do is to try to ground yourself and not let yourself totally shut down.

He was attempting to do just that; trying not to shut himself down. His body was slowly curling into himself on the bed though and he could feel his lungs deflating as he tried to breathe normally. As he did this, he didn’t hear the knock at this bedroom door.

He was losing track of time as his head started to spin and tears formed at his eyes. He sucked in a hard breathe, feeling angry at himself for feeling such panic towards the man he was calling a friend now.

“Stark? Are you in there? Are you all right?”

It was Bucky. _Fuck._ Of course it was the kid.

“Hey, let me in or I’ll have to break the door open and I don’t really want to have to pay the damages for that, man…” The voice sounded hesitant, as if he really didn’t want to come in, maybe afraid of what he might find.

“J-Jarvis…” Tony stammered out as he forced himself to sit up now, running his hands through his hair.

_“My voice sensors indicate you are in distress. Would you like me to notify Doctor Strange?”_

Tony nodded but then realized how dumb that probably was.

“Y-Yes… please. G-Get rid of B-Barnes too…”

Jarvis didn’t respond to Tony but he did hear footsteps walk away from the room. He surprisingly didn’t have to wait very long before he eventually other footsteps near the door and saw the handle turn freely; Jarvis must have unlocked it for the other man once Bucky had left.

The doctor didn’t even knock as he pushed the door open and closed it behind him before he eyed Tony up and down with what the inventor could determine was worry in his eyes. Stephen’s brows were also knitted with concern before he realized what was going on with Tony. He looked unsure at first before he knelt down in front of Tony’s knees and looked up at him.

“Do what I told you before, Anthony. Inhale through your nose, and exhale slowly though your mouth.”

Tony knew what to do but for some reason, hearing Stephen Strange’s voice brought the order up to the forefront of his brain and he actually put the command into action. He wiped away the tears that were involuntarily running down his face in his panic.

“W-Where’s Barnes…?” Tony asked after he exhaled after a third time.

Stephen watched Tony carefully. “I saw him go down the hall as I came inside. Do you want to talk about him?”

Tony automatically shook his head and swallowed back a whimper.

The doctor tensed, seeing his friend’s reluctance. He slowly stood up and then moved over and sat down beside him. The two men were silent for a long time as Tony worked to catch his breath before Strange finally spoke again.

“I’m going to take a wild guess here and say that James Barnes is the reason for your panic attack.”

Tony sighed once he had finally caught his breath and abruptly stood up.

“Can’t you take a hint, doc? Jesus Christ, I don’t want to talk about the kid, all right? Just… just leave it alone, will you?” Tony knew he was being cold but he couldn’t stop himself in time.

He sunk when he saw Stephen look at him in disbelief and shake his head.

“You don’t want to talk about him, that’s fine, Tony… but you don’t need to act that way towards me.”

Tony looked away, pretending to be absorbed in pulling a loose string off of the cuff of his sleeve. “What way?”

“That way! Distant and standoffish.”

Tony swallowed hard. He tried not to think about Bucky wondering what the hell was going on with him, or why someone the Winter Soldier had never met before came over. He dreaded having that talk with him, or perhaps he never would. That seemed like a viable option too.

“What do you want me to say, Strange? I’m sorry, okay? I just… don’t… I don’t know how to act around you anymore,” Tony sputtered out awkwardly, regretting the words that came out of his mouth in that moment.

He could feel the man’s eyes on him but he didn’t dare look up. He continued looking down at his arms. _No, this wasn’t how he was going to confess his attraction for the doctor, was it? Fuck._

“Why don’t you know how to act around me anymore?” He paused before he searched Tony’s eyes. “Wait – is this about what happened yesterday? I hope you didn’t take that personally; I really did need to leave to take care of some business…”

Tony shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. “No, I know. I mean, I figured.”

Stephen didn’t seem to understand what was going on, but who could blame him? Tony wasn’t making a lot of sense and this just sounded like post-panic rambling.

“Then what is this about, Tony?” His voice was soft and gentle now and he continued to look at him even though Tony wasn’t looking back.

_No, he couldn’t confess his love right here, right now. Not like this. Not when Cap was probably going to drop in looking for his war buddy. He wouldn’t even know what to say if Rogers ever caught him and Strange kissing. He’d probably have a full blown panic attack right then and there._

He had to distract and guide the conversation away from what he wanted to say. He finally met Strange’s own eyes and sighed, reluctantly deciding on going back to their previous topic of conversation.

“I did have a panic attack because of Barnes being here…” Tony was surprised how guilty this made him feel.

Stephen straightened a bit and sympathy touched his eyes.

“Because he killed your parents?”

Tony sighed heavily and shook his head in disbelief. “Did Steve Rogers tell you too?”

The doctor shook his head and looked a tinge embarrassed. “I read your file a while back, right after I heard about your civil war you had with each other. That’s… awful, Tony. My parents died too but I can’t imagine how you must have felt when you found out the way you did. How did you go from getting revenge on him to letting him live here? Is it difficult for you?”

Tony felt relief when he didn’t feel any pushiness by Strange to talk about it. His voice was laced with genuine thoughtfulness and concern for his well-being.

“It was hard at first. First few months, every time I saw Barnes around, I felt this urge to just… shove him headfirst into the concrete and laser a thinner waistline on him, but… my anger disappeared eventually, and here we are. I can finally be civil with him, except now, instead of feeling anger, I feel… panic.”

Tony couldn’t believe how easy he was letting everything spill out. He hadn’t meant to say all that but he had.

Stephen sat there beside him and nodded as he listened. “Why do you think you’re afraid of him?”

Tony chuckled, thinking how psychological that Strange was acting about the whole thing. “I don’t know, because of what he did? Because… what he can still do, I guess? I’m not going to lie, Strange; I sleep with my suit chips in my arms at night just in case he goes full Hydra and suddenly attacks me. I’d be defenseless without them.”

Stephen nodded as he listened. “I can understand that. I’m sorry, Tony. I… don’t know what else to say. I’m an ex-surgeon, not a psychiatrist.”

Tony chuckled and smirked. “You said it, not me.”

Stephen let out a hearty laugh now as he grinned, looking over at Tony. “How are you feeling? Better?”

The man nodded. “Better, doc.”

“Good. Ready to go out there? Make us some brunch?”

Tony playfully rolled his eyes as he sighed and stood up, starting to get changed. “Do I look like I’m running a bed and breakfast for superheroes or something?”

“Put on one of your $2,000 tuxes and you’d be all set,” Strange smirked back.

The other man scoffed. “I’m sure it’d go great with one of your $6,000 watches I’m sure you have.”

Stephen gently pushed Tony out of the bedroom door once he was dressed, the slight touch unknowingly giving the latter man butterflies.

“Hurry up! I’m hungrrry!”


	6. hypocrite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Enter spoilery summary here*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I'll put it in the tags as well but in this fic, I don't consider Hawkeye to be living in Iowa with 2 kids and a wife. In this story, as per to Matt Fraction's Hawkeye comic book series, he lives solo in Bedford-Stuyvesant in NY. Just posting this ahead of time before I get a comment that asks "Where's Clint's wife and kids?!? He's not living in NYC!"

**.     .    .**

 

“Does Steven known that he’s here?”

Tony glanced up from his scrambled eggs to look at Strange and shrugged before shoveling some into his mouth. “If he hasn’t figured it out by now, I’m sad to say he probably never will. There’s no way he doesn’t know the kid’s here, though.”

Stephen let out a soft laugh after he swallowed his bite of pancake.

“What?”

The ex-surgeon shook his head, a small smirk meeting the corner of his mouth. “It’s nothing. Just… you call him a kid. The man’s almost a hundred years old…”

Tony raised his eyebrows and smirked back.

“No, he _would_ be almost a hundred years ago if he hadn’t been Hydra’d and super serumed. My point is, Barnes was still a lot younger than me when that happened, so technically, I’m older than him, and he’s still a kid.”

Stephen chuckled again as he smiled. “Touché.”

“Touche,” Tony repeated, except he purposely mispronounced the word and added a long ‘e’ sound at the end. He finished up his breakfast and stood up before setting his plate on top of Stephen’s now empty one and walked over to the kitchen. He placed them in the sink and then walked back to the table and sat down beside his friend who was currently drinking his cup of coffee.

“I can make you tea instead, if you want,” Tony genuinely offered.

The man looked down into his mug and shook his head. “The coffee’s really good, Anthony. Really, I just… haven’t had one since… my accident. It’s been awhile since I had it, that’s all.”

Tony nodded in understanding and let the words hang in the room before he finally couldn’t restrain himself anymore. He did a half sigh, half scoff and leaned back in his chair. “You know what? You’re literally the only person who calls me Anthony. I haven’t been called that since my father was alive.”

Stephen glanced up at him and searched his face. “Does it bother you?”

“I don’t know,” he laughed now, shrugging again. “It’s just… weird to hear it. Everyone else just calls me Tony, and my father only called me Anthony when I was in trouble, which was, often.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” Strange remarked as he took another sip of his coffee.

Tony smirked and rolled up his napkin before he playfully chucked it at the other man, who blocked it away while he chuckled. The two of them sat in a strangely comfortable silence for a while before Tony spoke.

“Did you like your job, being a surgeon?”

Stephen thought about this for a bit before he finally replied back. “At the time, I don’t think I did, no. I was so narcissist and arrogant; I thought that I was the only one who could perform perfect surgeon every time, no matter what the case was, no matter how serious. I felt like… no one else could do it with pinpoint accuracy like me. Don’t get me wrong,” Stephen added when he saw Tony’s smirk. “I was a really good surgeon, but… my arrogance cost me my hands, my job, my girlfriend, and my dignity.”

Tony let his words sink in and scratched at his chin thoughtfully. “Well, I wouldn’t know anything about losing people,” he joked weakly.

Stephen didn’t smile but his eyes were gentle as he looked at his friend.

“Did you like what you did before, Anthony?”

Tony decided not to cringe at the full name again. If it made Stephen happy to say it, who was he to stop him? He never wanted to get in the way of his happiness if he could help it, however, he knew that sometimes his good intentions could turn into selfishness and greed.

“I did, actually. I did like running an Arms business until I had that wonderful wake-up call and realized where the weapons were actually going and killing. Looking back now, I hate how… _naïve_ I had been. I was barely even running it. I was just sleeping around and drinking and spending the money on useless things,” Tony admitted, finishing his now cold coffee.

Stephen smiled a little and nodded. “It’s funny that it’s only when we start suffering when we see the ultimate truth of ourselves.”

Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes but smirked, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, I could go a million lifetimes though, not seeing the ultimate truth of everything. It just reminds me of how much I’ve screwed up.”

“You would still be the same arrogant asshole that you used to be if you didn’t realize all your screw-ups. No one would want that. I was the king of assholes so I would know.”

Tony laughed and waved his hand. “Well, I’m warning you now; I might dethrone you.”

Stephen chuckled but then stopped when he saw James Barnes walk into the kitchen and stop when he saw the other man. He glanced from Stephen to Tony and smirked, an action that Tony hadn’t expected upon seeing a stranger.

“Hey, you both are facial hair bros…”

It was Strange’s turn to scoff now and shook his head before recovering himself and holding out his hand to the younger man. “You must be James. I’m Stephen Strange.”

He reached out and shook Stephen’s hand with his metal one gently, as if he was afraid of his own strength before he retracted it. “Err… Bucky. I’m not big on being call James.”

He nodded and casually released his hand. “Of course. There’s some more breakfast on the counter if you’re hungry.”

Bucky watched Stephen almost suspiciously but nodded in thanks anyway before he walked over to the counter and started to dish up some food. Tony watched him before glancing back over to Stephen and giving him a soft, grateful smile.

“Sleep okay?” Tony asked Bucky once he had grabbed coffee and sat down at the table to eat.

James nodded in reply but Tony could see something else written on his face that made him swallow uneasily and made his stomach churn. He could see that the Winter Soldier was still having nightmares, just as Tony still had them too. Although the nightmares were different, it was one of the things that made the two men connect and move on after the civil war.

“I can give you something to help you sleep, if you want? You can go lay down again?” Tony offered gentle.

Bucky looked like he was considering this but then he shook his head before he sipped some coffee. “No, thanks. I have to go back today.”

“Back where?” Stephen suddenly asked.

James looked from Stephen over to Tony, as if he was suddenly regretting having said anything.

Tony looked down at the table before looking at Stephen. “Back to where Cap and the others are staying. In Brooklyn. At Clint Barton’s place.”

Stephen’s face had started to look painfully sympathetic in Tony’s direction now, seemingly understanding. This was part of the fallout from the civil war, and they were still on opposite sides, but somehow, Barnes had been caught in between them and it was a tug-of-war now.

“The others don’t want to stay here? The ones that were on your side, Anthony?”

Tony anxiously started picking at his cuticles, trying to fight the urge to run away from this uncomfortable conversation. “Romanoff and Vision are kind of our go-between persons, and I still talk to Rodey but everyone else pretty much cut ties with me. Being here had too many bad memories for them. I get it, I probably wouldn’t want to stay here either if I were them.”

Bucky seemed to squirm in his chair uncomfortably, making Tony regret having said anything now.

Stephen saw both men looking uneasy so he ended his questions and stood up to get himself another cup of coffee but lingered at the counter to give the men a little privacy to talk.

“You don’t have to go back there, Barnes,” Tony remarked. “If you don’t want to be around Rogers, then just tell him to screw off, that you decided to stay here.”

“I can’t just tell him to… ‘screw off,’ Stark. Clint’s been great at putting me up there, along with the rest of us. I haven’t been easy to be around. My…” he paused, seemingly rethinking his next words but reluctantly finished his thought anyway. “my nightmares are bad. Sometimes I don’t sleep and… everyone there is nice about it. They understand.”

“Except Cap,” Tony interjected in a knowing tone. “You don’t have to deal with his bullshit, Barnes. He might have been your childhood friend and war buddy but what he’s doing is ridiculous. He’s controlling you, kid. He’s got you under his thumb and you’re letting him do and say whatever he wants.”

Bucky moved his metal hand into a tight fist. “He’s my friend, Stark. We’ve been friends a very, very long time. You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Tony sighed and stiffened, seeing Bucky’s new demeanor now, glancing over at Stephen in time to see him standing up straighter and walking slowly over to them.

“I get it! I know about old friends but sometimes friends aren’t who they used to be! Bad things happen and that can affect your friendship. It’s shitty but it does happen! He’s acting like a controlling boyfriend to you and that’s not right! Think about it!”

Bucky suddenly knocked the cup off the table and stood up, making Tony stand up as well. “There’s nothing to think about!”

Tony couldn’t deny the anxiety and panic he was starting to feel but there was also a part of him that cared for this man that he now considered a friend, and he wanted, _needed_ , Barnes to see the truth about Rogers, even if it tore them all apart even more.

“Yesterday you didn’t even want to go back there!” Tony urged. “He hates that you come here to see me. He despises it! And I can see in your eyes that you’re afraid of him!”

“I’m not afraid of him, Stark,” James growled, both his hands growing into tight fists now.

“Anthony,” came a cool voice from behind them, full of warning.

Tony’s panic kept him from going any further with the kid and he took a deep breath before he ran is hands through his hair, feeling a tightness in his chest. He looked over at James Barnes one last time. “Look, stay or go, it’s up to you. I’m not going to force you to do anything because I’m not him. You’re your own man and you have a choice, Barnes. No one can make it for you.”

With that, he turned around and then headed outside quickly to get fresh air. He knew how weak he was being, walking out on Barnes in the middle of a discussion but he also didn't want to get into a fight that he knew he would lose. Tony always felt himself freeze up when he saw Bucky's metal arm, remembering the people he had killed with it so easily before. He didn't want to give the Winter Soldier the satisfaction of killing off the whole Stark family. He also knew how much of a hypocrite he was being, having condemned Bucky for letting Cap control him while panic and fear controlled Tony. Who the hell was he to even give him that lecture?

He didn’t even think as he started heading down the street until he heard a voice behind him.

“Anthony! Tony!”

The unexpected change of his name made him stop in his tracks and realize that Stephen was running after him. He was out of breath by the time he reached Tony.

“A-Are you all r-right? Do… do y-you want to… talk?”

He shook his head and waved his hand simultaneously, trying to shrug off his panic. “No, I’m… I’m fine. I just… needed to get out of there.”

Stephen nodded in understanding and took a few minutes to catch his breath before he looked at his friend. “Well, I’ve seen your place. Would you like to come to mine? I’m sure you could find some interesting things there.”

Tony looked taken back by the invitation but he nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’d… I’d like that, Strange. Lead the way.”

 

 


	7. lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .......

**.      .      .**

  
“Here we are, home sweet home.”

Tony looked around at the large mansion in astonishment. He figured that Doctor Strange would have a big place, you know, because a lot of superheroes did (with the exception of people like Clint Barton and Spider-Man, of course), but Tony had no idea that Stephen would be living in a mansion on Bleecker Street, of all places.

“It looks a lot smaller from the outside. Is it like the Tardis? Doctor Who? Bigger on the inside, type deal? This is like my place, except… a lot dustier and more…”

“Older?” Stephen offered helpfully.

Tony shrugged. “Well, I was going to say ancient but sure, older works,” he smirked. “How long have you had this place?”

Strange grabbed the books he had used for research for a previous case and started to lead Tony back to where the grand library was. “Since the Sorcerer Supreme fell, the man who was protecting this sanctum, so about a year. I’m still finding all kinds of secret rooms in this house.”

Tony whistled impressively as he followed his friend, looking around curiously. “The Sorcerer Supreme go through the same ninja training as you?”

Stephen smiled at Tony’s naivety. “It’s just a title given to those of us who take over the sanctums, there’s three of them, not including the Keep in Katmandu, and yes, we’ve all had the same training.”

Tony nodded in acknowledgement and watched as Stephen put the books back in their rightful places and sighed. “Don’t suppose you have a science lab here, by any chance?”

The other man chuckled. “Science and magic don’t necessarily go hand in hand. I suppose it does, up to a certain point, though.”

Tony felt an uncomfortable ache in his chest again and he swallowed hard. “I know all about magic… I know what kinds of… _things_ and _people_ come from magic. Can’t say I’m a huge fan.”

Stephen searched Tony’s face and saw the fear that was laced in his eyes. He knew what he was thinking. He’d read the headlines, talked to the other Avengers, read the files, he wasn’t a stranger to what had happened in New York with Loki. He bit his lip, wanting to say something reassuring but knew no matter what answer he gave to Tony would still make the man uneasy.

“From… what I’ve talked to Pepper about, I suppose that was when the panic attacks started, yes? After New York?”

Tony gave a weak nod before running his hand through his hair. “Not to mention the magic in Wanda Maximoff’s fingertips. That just… made everything a thousand times worse.”

Stephen couldn’t help but let sadness touch his eyes as he watched the torture on Tony’s face. He could tell the way he talked about it that the man was clearly suffering and still in battle with his own demons. He walked over to where Tony was standing and gently placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“It’s… a different kind of magic, if that helps at all. My magic is, in the simplest terms, converting one form of energy to another. Thor and I have already had a talk about Asgardian magic, where he’s explained to me that it’s just an advanced form of science but I’m not sure how much of that I actually believe.”

Tony seemed to relax now and looked up at Stephen as he began to listen intently to him. Any talk about science interested Stark and it was refreshing to have someone else he could discuss the matter with. “Oh yeah? How so?”

Stephen smirked as he glanced at his friend and saw a look of fascination on the inventor’s face. “My magic is… raw energy that is shaped and used, like… how you harness heat and electricity. I suppose there might be some scientific explanation for how Thor’s magic works but I suspect it’s mostly… godly.”

Tony swallowed hard and looked down at his bony fingers. “And Maximoff?”

Strange’s smirk fell now and it turned into a gentle look. “My magic comes from natural energy, while Wanda’s came from human experimentation. Her magic is synthetic based.”

Tony nodded in understanding, knowing where her powers came from but it was comforting to hear Stephen compare it to his own. Knowing that Stephen’s magic came from nowhere except inside himself was reassuring. He had felt so uneasy around Wanda after their civil war that he damn near walked on eggshells around her. It was easier to just not be around her.

He was quiet for a long time, wondering how Bucky was being treated. His mind started to wander to the thought of Steve Rogers, and how his old-fashioned way of thinking could be such a problem for himself. Tony knew he was bisexual since the early 90s, and he’d have several encounters of the same sex, all without anyone knowing, Pepper or Happy. Tony was good at keeping secrets, even secrets that could kill him. He felt his nails digging into his palms as his hands curled into fists at the thought of Rogers and the confrontation he might have one day about something that wouldn’t even affect the super soldier.

“Anthony? Are you okay?”

Tony snapped out of his reverie and blinked, forcing himself back to the present. He looked over at Stephen and nodded. “Always.”

“Are you sure?”

Stark cleared his throat and then started upstairs. “Wow, this place is crazy big. Not big like my place, but big in that old castle kind of way…”

“You can talk to me, you know. I get how difficult the concept of magic can be to someone who plays around with science all the time. I had the cliché initial reaction to it from my girlfriend. She was… surprisingly okay with it, though. It’s… okay if you aren’t, Tony. If it makes you uncomfortable or reminds you of Maximoff, I can understand that. I’ll keep it under wraps.”

Tony leaned against the railing once he made it to the third floor and looked at Stephen. “I’m all right, Strange. Really. Don’t let me stop you from time hopping through dimensions, or whatever. You do what you gotta do. I’m supportive.”

Stephen followed him up the stairs and gave him a small smile.

“Well, thank you, then. Will you at least tell me if you’re suddenly not okay?”

Tony looked away from him but he nodded. “Sure, thing, doc.”

Stephen gently patted his shoulder and then led him into the living area where he mostly just had various books open, a cot nearby and several cups of forgotten tea scattered on tables. He sat down on the cot.

“Sorry about the mess. Been busy lately.”

Tony sat down on the cot as well and glanced around the room. “I like the Feng Shui in this room. It’s cozy. Your place is really laid back. I don’t think I could force myself to keep my place like this.”

Stephen chuckled. “I know what you mean. My old place was a lot like yours. Large, cold, materialistic. Accepting my role as Sorcerer Supreme has humbled me. I no longer want. I’m perfectly happy in this mansion.”

Tony smiled and shrugged. “Does it ever get… lonely?”

“I have Wong.”

“I bet you do,” Tony smirked.

Stephen rolled his eyes. “Not like that. He’s nice company, but yes, it does get lonely sometimes.” His demeanor changed and he suddenly looked taken back by his own statement, as if he only just realized it himself.

Tony watched him and searched his face, feeling butterflies in his stomach and as nervous as his first time ever having sex. He swallowed hard, suddenly feeling like his mouth was dry. He bit his lip before he reached out his hand and gently placed it on Stephen’s thigh, palm up and almost hesitantly.

Stephen let out a soft gasp of surprise before he internally cursed himself and then smiled, placing his hand on top of Tony’s and gently interlocked their fingers together.

Tony couldn’t help the smile that was creeping up on him and gently squeezed Stephen’s hand, feeling heat rising in his cheeks as he forced himself to look at the man. Suddenly, he felt his instincts take over and he leaned in before meeting Stephen’s lips with his own. He felt Strange react and kiss him back, slowly at first but then more passionately.

Tony could feel his body temperature rising as the two men made out with each other, their hands caressing over shoulders and muscular arms before moving over backs and eventually pulling each others’ shirts off. He felt the nervousness leave him as desire crept in and took over. He kissed every bit of skin he could find on Stephen’s upper body before he felt his fingers fumbling over the man’s pants and eventually took them off. He could feel his own body reacting instinctively and felt his breathing quickening every time Stephen touched him. It felt like nothing he had ever felt before.

Their lips met again and they didn’t stop the entire time as their body met, fumbling awkwardly for each other in the growing twilight, droplets of sweat falling down their backs and over the rest of their body. Tony had heard Stephen gasp out loudly in pleasure at one point but he still couldn’t take his eyes off of him before he could yell out in ecstasy as well.

“S-Still… l-lonely?” Tony breathed heavily as Stephen fell onto his side with the man on his back right next to him.

“Don’t see how I could be…”


	8. confession / visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /./././

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments! 
> 
> I apologize if this chapter is a bit long. I was about to cut it off sooner but at the time it looked WAY too short.

**.    .   .**

**  
** Tony watched him for a long time, gently caressing his stomach affectionately before he spoke, feeling bashful and maybe slightly less masculine. “Was it… okay?”

Stephen let out a throaty chuckle and nodded before he reached up and gently caressed Tony’s cheek with his hand.

“It was amazing, Stark. Don’t worry about anything. You were great, really,” and after a few minutes, he felt the need to add, “It wasn’t your first time, was it? With another man, I mean.”

Tony almost felt himself flinch, unsure why he suddenly felt self-conscious. “No, it wasn’t. Was it that obvious?”

Stephen shrugged, still smiling warmly at him. “I didn’t mean it as something bad. You knew what you were doing, I like it. It’s probably more than I can say for myself.”

Stark ran his fingers through the other man’s salt and pepper hair. “I’ve had a few good men. None of them felt like it did with you though. It was… different. Good, but different. Your first time, I take it?”

“Indeed, it was. I had several women before, including Christine, but… no men. How was _I?_ ”

Tony smiled and planted a soft kiss to Stephen’s shoulder. “Amazing. I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t said anything. I’m more amazed that I was more experienced than you for once.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stephen asked, confusion touching his grey eyes.

Tony shrugged as he sighed. “You know how to jump through dimensions and defeat giant lizards in space. You were a great surgeon before your accident, and you’ve just done so many… extravagant things that I’ll never do. You’ve had more experiences than me so this was a nice change for once,”

Stephen laughed again and shook his head before he sat up and started to put his clothes back on.

“Err… did I say something wrong, dear?” Tony asked playfully, smirking as he watched the other man start to get dressed.

“Anthony… Tony. You’ve done a lot of things I haven’t either. You owned a successful business, became the victim and survivor of a roadside bomb in Afghanistan, had to have an arc-reactor put into your chest, became Iron Man, helped save New York from a catastrophic missile, saved the citizens of Sokovia from a killing machine, anything else I happened to leave out?”

Tony sighed and shook his head. “In case you missed it, a lot of those things weren’t necessarily good.”

“You _have_ done some good though, Tony.”

He swallowed hard, not trying to be antagonistic but he didn’t feel that way at all. He didn’t want to admit to Stephen about his suicidal ideation that he felt but talks like this also made him feel that way, even if was unintentional; his mind just twisted things up and made him remember all the bad that he had also done. He felt his chest tightening uncomfortably as he scratched his chin distractedly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean t-to turn this conversation into something serious. I was just t-trying to joke around earlier…”

Stephen’s face softened now and he moved over to where Tony was laying, his lower half covered up by a blanket. He leaned in, searching his eyes as he placed his hand on Tony’s cheek.

“Hey,” he said gently. “I know. It’s fine, Tony. You’re allowed to talk about these kinds of things. Things that bother you, things that make you feel angry or upset… it’s not good to bottle all that shit up. I want you to talk about whatever’s on your mind. I’m not going to tell anyone about it. It’ll stay between us, all right?”

Tony took a deep breath and let it out before nodding. “Thank you, Stephen. That means a lot to me. Hey, there’s something else you’re good at that I’m not, offering yourself up to others.”

Stephen rolled his eyes before he kissed Tony’s lips again and stood up again. “It’s not a competition, Tony. I don’t want to compete with you. I just… want to l-love you.”

Stark felt a warmness fill his entire being as he heard Stephen confess his love for him. He knew that the two men hadn’t been talking to each other for very long but he already felt like they had known each other their whole lives, and he wanted to keep knowing him. He could feel Stephen’s love for him radiate through him like no other feeling he had ever felt that wasn’t pain. This was pain. This was real, and not in the way that Tony thought he had loved Pepper. This felt a thousand times stronger than that.

This wasn’t the love that he had heard other people tell him his father had felt about him; Tony never felt that. This was different from anything he had ever felt in his entire life.

“I just want to love you too, Stephen,” Tony confessed in a low, but soft, voice.

“Good.”

“Good,” he echoed back.

Strange leaned in and pressed his lips to Tony’s again before he reluctantly pulled away after several moments. He searched his eyes. “It’s late. Do you need to get back?”

Tony sighed and he sat up. He started putting on his clothes again, feeling all too familiar with this routine. He wasn’t going to make this weird, even if it felt uncomfortable and maybe even a bit hurtful. He ran a hand through his hair before he stood up.

“Err, y-yeah. Yeah, I probably should…”

Stephen stiffened, Tony’s reaction not having gone unnoticed. He flinched, realizing how bad this looked and he felt worse yet that Tony was just playing along. He moved over to where Tony was standing and wrapped an arm around his chest from behind before he gently kissed the nape of the man’s neck softly.

“It’s magic stuff, Anthony. It’s nothing personal, I promise. Please don’t think that I regret what we did. It was truly wonderful.”

Tony swallowed hard but nodded, placing his hand on top of Stephen’s and kissing his arm.

“I know,” he tried to say as reassuringly as he could but he felt like he was failing. “Stay safe out there? Wherever… out there happens to be.”

Strange nodded in agreement and gently turned Tony around before he wrapped both arms around him into an embrace and held him tightly against him, kissing Tony’s temple softly. “I will. You stay safe too. I’ll drop by again as soon as I can, but don’t be afraid to call me if you need to. Even if it goes to voicemail, I promise it’s not because I’m ignoring you. Mostly likely, it’s because I’m jumping through dimensional hoops to save the world.”

Tony chuckled now, nodding against him, feeling a bit better.

“I know how that is.”

Stephen smiled against Tony’s shoulder. “I know you do.”

The two men stayed like that for a few minutes before they both pulled back from each other, knowing if they didn’t go now, they might never leave.

“Love you, Magic Man,” Tony smirked playfully.

Stephen also smirked, chuckling. “Love you too, Science Man.”

“Doesn’t have much ring to it, does it? At least my pet name for you is after a Heart song,” Tony joked.

Stephen laughed now and shook his head before he playfully shoved Tony out of the room and lead him downstairs to where the front entrance was. “I’ll come up with a better pet name for you, don’t worry.”

Tony hugged him tightly before he patted his back and then forced himself out of the mansion, knowing that if he stayed any longer, he was going to beg to stay there and be ultra-clingy. He didn’t want to be that significant other. He had been there, done that, and it wasn’t pretty for either party. It usually ended up in tears. He glanced around the street, suddenly feeling a horrible loneliness in the pit of his stomach. He knew that he shouldn’t, but he was worried about his friend Barnes. He hated the thought of Bucky remotely being afraid of Steve Rogers for any reason. It didn’t even matter that they had been through a war together; Tony had been the rift that had caused them to drift apart.

The combination of that and not wanting to be alone made him hold his arm out to wave a taxi down. Once it did, he found himself telling the driver to start towards Clint Barton’s apartment building in Bedford-Stuyvesant in Brooklyn.

 

**.  .   .   .   .   .  .   .   .**

The moment he stepped out of the cab and watched it drive away hurriedly, he knew he had made a mistake. He shouldn’t have come here. What did he even hope to find here? Did he _want_ a confrontation with Rogers? Did he really think he would be welcome here? He knew everyone who was currently living here and yeah, there were at least two people here that didn’t have anything against him, but what about the others who were still bitter about what had happened? He swallowed hard, trying to fight back the panic that was rising.

That was one thing that he wasn’t going to let happen while he was here: a panic attack. That would just be fucking great for Rogers to see how weak he was. It’d just be ammunition to use against Tony later on.

It was too late to turn back now though. It was still half an hour back to his Tower. He took a deep breath and then forced himself to walk inside the rundown building and upstairs to where he knew Clint lived. He raised his closed hand to knock on the door but stopped mid-air. This could only go two ways: civilly, or a total shit show. _Fuck. What the hell was he doing?_

He lowered his fist and turned around to leave when he heard the door open and a familiar voice from behind him.

“Leavin’ so soon?”

He knew from the voice that it was Natasha. He sighed and turned around to look at her. She was smiling crookedly, a smile that told him that she might be glad to see him but she wouldn’t let him believe it completely either. He couldn’t lie; Tony Stark liked those smiles of hers.

“Figured it might be better for everyone.”

Her smile faded a bit and she nodded in acknowledgement. “Hope you’re not including me in that category, Stark.”

Tony shrugged. “Well, I don’t consider you just anyone. Who all is in there, anyway?”

“Bruce, Steve, Barnes, Clint… Wanda and Vision left here to go do something but they might back.”

Tony nodded, a part of him having already figuring that. “So all the usual suspects then.”

“Come on inside, Tony,” she urged gently, looking at him with pleading eyes.

He swallowed hard, hating her in this moment as she gave him _that_ look. It was hard for Tony to stay no to her when she did that. He felt himself caving as every silent second passed and finally he nodded and took another deep breath. “Lead the way, Nat.”

She smiled a genuine smile now before she led him inside. Tony closed the door behind him and instantly saw Bruce Banner in the kitchen cooking something with garlic. He could hear Clint joking around with Barnes in the living area as they watched television, but saw no sign of Steve. He decided the better option right now was to talk to his friend in the kitchen.

He walked inside and glanced over at Natasha who took the hint and then disappeared into the living room where the other two men were. Tony leaned against the counter and Bruce looked over, instantly smiling. He stopped cutting up spinach and set the knife down before he wrapped his arms around Tony in a friendly embrace of welcome.

“Tony! What are you doing here?”

Stark hugged him back, grateful that at least the count was up to two people who decidedly wanted him here. “Hey, Brucy. Just thought I’d drop by and catch up.”

“Well that’s great. I’m glad you did, really…” Bruce still smiled as he went back to cutting up spinach. “Staying for dinner?”

Tony ran his hand through his hair. “Only if it’s not going to cause any conflict. Where’s Rogers? I don’t see him anywhere.”

Bruce put the spinach into the same pan as the garlic and started to stir it up before he tended to the large pot that had pasta inside of it and stirred that with another spoon. He reached up into the cabinet and grabbed several plates before he set them down on the counter. He glanced back over at Tony, the smile slowly fading from his face. “Last I saw him, he was wrestling a bit too rough with Bucky,” he brought his voice to a low whisper. “Nat broke them up but not before they broke a picture of Clint and his brother I’m guessing that Steve went out for a walk to cool down.”

Tony’s heart sank now and he ran his hand through his hair before he glanced into the living room and only now noticed Barnes had a cut lip. “Was it a serious fight or were they just rough-housing?”

Bruce gave him an apprehensive look. “From where I was standing, it looked pretty serious. They were both yelling at each other and then I saw Steve throw the first punch. I was about to step in to separate them but Nat stopped me and did it instead, which was probably for the best because I could feel myself about to go green.”

Tony took a deep breath to keep himself from locking Steve out of the apartment. He felt so angry at him. _How dare he hurt Barnes like that._

He knew he needed more information about what had gone down but he’d get it after dinner. Tony looked over at Bruce and gave him a weak smile. “What side are you on, Barnes’ or Cap’s?”

Bruce put his hands up in surrender before he shook his head and then started to drain the pasta. “Hey, no way, man. I’m not going that route. I’m a neutral party here. All I do is make the dinner and try to stop fights as they happen. I’m not starting another civil war between all of you.” His tone was serious but he was smirking.

“Fair enough, doctor,” Tony smirked back, the title at the end reminding him of _his_ doctor, his Stephen.

“Now that that’s out of the way, set the table for dinner and you can stay, and don’t forget to make a place for Steve in case he comes back.”

 

 


	9. tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . /

**.    .    .**

Tony had to bite his tongue earlier as he made a spot for Steve at the dinner table, fighting the overwhelming urge to spit-shine his silverware. They all sat at the table eating in silence for the most part. The awkwardness didn’t go unnoticed by Tony. He could cut the tension with a knife as he sat in between Natasha and Bruce.

Something else that didn’t go unnoticed by him was the bruised outline of a hand that was present around Steve’s neck as well as his cheek that had a cut in the skin. Steve was done with his pasta and was currently sipping the wine in larger amounts than Tony cared for in this moment. He looked over at Bucky whose cut lip was making Stark’s stomach turn.

He swallowed hard, his hand enclosing tightly around his knife. He was sure that by the way Bucky was holding himself and leaning that there were more bruises underneath his clothes. This fact made Tony clench his jaw and occasionally shoot dark glares in Steve Rogers’ direction.

“Well this is nice,” Bruce spoke, breaking the silence.

Tony felt bad about the tension in the room, fully aware that they wouldn’t be like this if he wasn’t here. He tried to fight the voice in the back of his head that kept telling him: _This was a mistake._ He cleared his throat.

“This is good food,” he offered awkwardly, glancing at Bruce. “Good job… cooking it…”

Bruce chuckled before he gave his friend a small smirk as he took a drink of wine. “Thank you, Tony. See?” he added, looking in Clint’s direction. “At least _he_ likes my cooking.”

Clint’s body was tense as he sat on Natasha’s other side, staring at Tony with his arms crossed in front of him guardedly.

“Yeah, well… Stark likes a lot of things I don’t. I wouldn’t say that it makes him a better person. For example, he likes nukes and power and those are both things that I wish Tony didn’t have control over. I guess the two of us just don’t see eye-to-eye.”

Tony took a long drink of wine, wishing that he was with Stephen again, wishing that he hadn’t decided to come here, and realizing just what a huge fucking mistake this was.

“Clint…” Nat spoke in a gentle tone laced with warning.

“What?” Clint chuckled, raising his arms up innocently. “I was just giving an example! Am I not allowed to do that now?”

Nat shot him a look but Tony shook his head. “No, let him. I deserve whatever he has to say.”

Steve looked like he was about to say something but then shut his mouth again before he sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair.

“Damn right you do, Stark. Are you still living in your million dollar mansion all alone? Heard Pepper had enough of your bullshit and left.”

“Clint!” Nat yelled at him, kicking the leg of his chair.

Tony grimaced but just took another sip of the wine. “Nah, that’s fair,” Tony replied half-sarcastically, feeling spiteful. “You always did perform low blows, Barton. I shouldn’t expect anything less from you. I’m not living alone anyway. I’ve got Jarvis.”

Clint shook his head, a satisfied smirk on his face. “I don’t think artificial intelligence counts as not living alone. Good to see that the man in the high tower has fallen a few notches.”

“You can shut the hell up now, Barton,” Bucky suddenly interjected to Tony’s surprise.

It was Steve’s turn to chime in. “Buck, let him talk. Maybe you could take a lesson from Banner and Nat and stay quiet for once.”

Tony felt fire rise up inside of him as he listened to Steve talk to Barnes like that. He looked over at Steve, his jaw clenched in anger. “Hey, knock it off, Cap! You don’t have power over him or anyone here…”

“Buck’s my friend! I get that you wouldn’t understand the concept of friends, Stark, so maybe this is over your head, but you don’t get to talk here!”

“Enough!” Natasha stood up quickly, knocking over her chair abruptly, fire in her eyes. “Just stop it, all of you! Everyone just take a damn breath…”

At her orders, all the men in the room ceased their arguing and seemed to simultaneously, if not unintentionally, take a long drink of their wine or beer. The room became quiet again and Natasha appeared to breathe a sigh of relief. She ran her hand through her hair before she started to clean up the empty plates on the tables, skipping over those who were still picking at their food before she started into the kitchen.

Bruce cleared his throat and gave Tony an apologetic look before he followed Natasha into the kitchen to help clear the plates and clean up the counter, leaving Tony, Steve, Bucky, and Clint still at the table in the small walk-in dining room.

James stood up but continued to look down as he took out the package of cigarettes from his pants pocket. “I need a smoke.”

Steve reached out and grabbed Barnes’ arm. “Buck, come on. Just sit down. You don’t need that.”

Not even a second after he did this, James Barnes whipped his arm away from Steve, as if he had been physically burned. “Don’t fucking touch me, Steve.”

Steve looked hurt but he stayed where he was as James left to go up to the roof. Once he was gone, Tony looked at Rogers. “What the hell did you do to Barnes, Cap? Are you in the habit of abusing kids now?”

Steve sighed and shook his head, rubbing his eyes tiredly before he leaned back in his chair. “He’s not a kid, Tony. He’s older than you.”

“I’m older than him by today’s terms. It’s all semantics, Cap. Why don’t you just answer my question? Why does the fact that I call him ‘kid’ worse than me accusing you of beating him up? Did he go full Hydra or something earlier, is that why you both look like you stepped into a steel-cage match?”

Steve suddenly hit the table with a closed fist, nearly knocking over his glass.

“Why do you have to make everything your business, Tony? Just drop it! This isn’t your concern! This is between him and me, and you don’t get to be a part of this! I’m sorry, but you just don’t!”

“He’s my friend too, Rogers,” Tony persisted.

“Bullshit, Stark!” Steve suddenly yelled, looking in Tony’s direction. “You have a very lax concept of friendship. He’s just going to your place because he needs work done to his metal arm, that’s all it is,” Tony suddenly let out a chuckle. “It’s funny that you determine that as you two being friends.”

“He doesn’t have friends, Steve,” Clint remarked, smirking. “Just enemies and business partners.”

He felt like he was being ganged up on now and he couldn’t stand it anymore. The apartment suddenly felt like it was closing in on him, the air becoming stale. He stood up and looked down at Steve. “I think it’s fucking _hilarious_ that you’re so fired up about the possibility of me and your Bucky being good friends. It bothers you so much that the man you fought against and the man you fought side by side with are now trading stories and talking shop, and that’s what’s really funny to me. Can you feel that irony, Cap?”

He turned away from him and started up the stairs to the roof. Tony couldn’t deny the satisfaction he felt by saying those words to Steve. He smiled to himself, feeling like Stephen would have been proud of him for not panicking under that high pressure, high stress situation.

He felt the night air whip through his hair as he started to walk towards the other man who was leaning over the fence, the smoke floating upwards towards the starry sky. Tony came up next to Barnes.

“Hey, are you all right?”

“Fine,” Barnes answered as he exhaled more smoke. “Is he pissed?”

Tony watched the look on his face as James glanced up at him, caution laced in his eyes. “At me, not you. Do you want to talk about what happened with the two of you before I dropped by?”

James was quiet and clenched his jaw as he forced himself to stand up, cringing a bit. “Not really.”

Tony nodded in understanding but didn’t give up. “I can just tell by the way you were sitting at the dinner table in there. I’ve been in enough fights to know better. C’mon, Barnes. Tell me. We’re still friends, right?”

Bucky looked hesitant as he took another long drag of his cigarette before he held it in his lungs and then exhaled sharply through his nostrils, the smoke making him look like a cartoon bull. “If you confront him, he’s just going to get pissed, and then he’ll take it out on me.”

Small details started to piece together for Tony now. He chewed on his bottom lip. “He was angry about you coming over, wasn’t he?”

Bucky nodded now. “I knew he wouldn’t like it, but… I didn’t think he’d beat me up because of it. It was everything I could do to not go Hydra. I mean, I was mad that he was mad about it so… I hit him back but I fell on the floor at one point a-and he just… continued wailing on me. He kicked me. I was never even that bad in our days. I used to protect him from people like me, Stark. I used to help him and…” James trailed off, shaking his head dismissively.

Tony felt his heart breaking with every word his friend confessed to him. “Can… I see?” He asked, motioning for him to lift up his shirt.

Bucky glanced at him before he sighed dejectedly and put out his cigarette. He reluctantly raised the back of his shirt up high and held it against the tops of his shoulder blades so Tony could see the damage.

Tony could feel the wine swirling around in his stomach, feeling sick as he looked at the purple bruising that covered Bucky’s middle and lower back. He swallowed hard as he forced himself to plant himself and not go back downstairs to destroy Steve Rogers. How could he do this to his friend? Tony had hurt his friends physically before but not like this. If he hurt his friends, it was because he was either drunk or he was fighting for something he believed in. There was no excuse for what Steve did to him.

He walked around Barnes and looked at the front of him. He had some bruises on his stomach and sides but it was nowhere near as bad as the ones on his back, which gave much relief to Tony. There were still some other worries he was having about the kid, though; such as internal bleeding and possible broken bones.

“I want you to see a friend of mine, Barnes.”

“What kind of friend? Are you trying to hook me up with someone?” Barnes smirked, trying to lighten up the grim situation.

Any other time, Tony would go with it but he cared too much about the man to joke right now. “He’s a doctor. If you have any broken bones or whatever, he can fix you, or at least he knows other people who can. Just give him a chance? It’ll be quick.”

“Right now? Tonight?”

“No, no. We’ll sleep tonight, and then you and I can head back to my place.” When he saw Bucky’s worried look when he glanced over at the door, Tony already knew what he was thinking. “Stevie can deal with it. He’s lucky I didn’t call my suit and laser his neck clean off.”

James chuckled and Tony was glad to see him smiling now. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” he nodded in reassurance.

 

 


	10. home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . /

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the chapters this week so far. Writing just calms my anxiety down a bit so I hope the constant updating isn't too bad for you guys.

**.     .     .**

Once the two men left the rooftop, they headed a stairway down to where Clint’s apartment was and re-entered again.

“I know this place is small but I’m going to see if we can bunk together tonight. That all right with you, Barnes?”

James looked surprised but nodded. “Y-Yeah, sure. Good luck explaining that to Steve, though. We usually share the guest room here.”

“Don’t you worry about Captain Underpants. I’ll take care of it,” Tony smirked just as Natasha walked over to where they stood near the doorway.

“Everything all right here, boys?”

Tony searched her face. “Do you think it’d be okay if Barnes and I slept out in the living room? I’m taking him with me back to the Tower tomorrow and I want to avoid Rogers as much as I can.”

She smiled softly and shrugged. “I’m not your mom. I don’t care where you sleep. I’m just glad you decided to stay. Did you want me to run interference with him?”

“If you don’t mind. Where do _you_ usually sleep in this bird nest?”

“In Clint’s room,” she playfully smacked Tony’s shoulder now, seeing the mischievous smile appear on his face. “Before you even utter a single word, he sleepwalks. I have to wake him up or else he’ll walk up and off the roof ledge in his sleep and I’m the only one he trusts to be there when he wakes up.”

“Maybe you’re someone’s mom after all,” he smirked.

Nat shook her head but was smiling. “Get to bed or else you both will be cranky in the morning.” She watched as Tony and James headed into the living room, grabbing pillows and blankets and made themselves a makeshift bed on the two couches.

“Buck, what’re you doing? We usually bunk together…”

Tony swallowed back his anger, a part of him knowing that Steve wasn’t going to just be okay with this. He moved over to Steve but let Barnes speak for himself, noticing that he wasn’t looking at Steve directly.

“I want to sleep out here tonight…”

“I don’t care what you want, Buck. Come on, stop messing around; you’re sleeping in our usual room.”

James looked uneasy now but Tony could see the determination on his face. It didn’t matter how afraid he was of Rogers. James still wanted to stand up for himself.

“I’m not sleeping in there tonight, Steve. I’m sick of having nightmares…”

Steve side stepped Tony and moved closer to Bucky who nearly jumped in surprise when he saw Steve had taken large movements towards him. Tony moved in front Steve, putting space in between them as he let Barnes stand behind him, protected.

Steve looked past him. “You think sleeping out here with _him_ will stop those nightmares? You’re not thinking clearly. He’s not some savior, Buck. He can’t even save himself! Why are you following him around like a puppy? It’s pathetic!”

Tony could feel his blood boiling but he also wanted to give James the opportunity to talk for himself if he wanted to. He stayed in his position in front of him.

“Yes, that’s me, Steve! I’m pathetic! How could I forget that because you sure as hell tell me enough! I’m sleepin’ out here tonight so… fuck off.”

Steve was about to take another step towards him when Tony placed a firm hand on Cap’s chest. “What did you just say?”

“I said fuck off, Steve! You must be older than Tony thinks since you’re obviously havin’ difficulty hearing me! Maybe he can make you some hearing aids!”

Steve shoved Tony hard enough to make him fall against the coffee table as he made a beeline for James again. Tony felt the corner of the table hit his shoulder as he fell but he ignored the throbbing pain before he quickly stood back up and shoved Steve as hard as he could.

“Stay away from him, Rogers! I swear to god, you lay one more patriotic finger on him again, I’m going to tear you down and make you into a flag!”

“Hey, hey!” Bruce suddenly put himself in between Tony and Steve, looking between the men. “What’s going on in here? Can’t you two just behave yourselves until he leaves?”

Steve was huffing and puffing anger but he spun around, hitting the arch of the wall with his fist and splitting it before he disappeared back into the guest room. When he was gone, Bruce looked at Tony with a slight smirk on his face.

“And I thought I had issues with controlling my anger.”

Tony smirked back. “Seems like you’re not alone in that regard. Thanks, Bruce. Have a good night.”

“Goodnight, Tony. Night, pal,” Bruce waved to Barnes who nodded back politely.

Tony flipped the television on, finding it the only way he was going to fall asleep. He turned the volume on low so it wouldn’t bother Bucky. He watched as Barnes watched the TV for several minutes before he quickly fell asleep, sprawled onto his stomach with the blanket around him.

Stark grabbed his phone out of his pants pocket and called Stephen. The phone rang once, twice, three times, but Tony felt relief when he heard Stephen answer it.

“Tony… everything all right?”

Tony grinned upon hearing his voice and found himself relaxing a bit before he brought his voice to a whisper. “I’m bringing James Barnes back home with me tomorrow. Do you think you could stop by around lunchtime and take a look at him?”

“Yeah, sure. No problem. What happened to him?”

Tony took a deep breath and let it out. “Rogers has been roughing him up a bit and the kid’s just covered in bruises, Strange. I’m worried about him.”

“Okay, well, I’ll look at him. I’m not doing anything yet as far as I know. Where are you right now?”

“I’m at Barton’s place in Brooklyn. Everyone else is here too.”

“I see,” Stephen spoke in a tone that felt very parental. “Are you behaving yourself?”

Tony chuckled softly. “Trying. It’s impossible with Cap here constantly being in my face. You’d be proud of me though. I told him off at dinner and didn’t have a panic attack. It really was a once in a lifetime achievement for me.”

There was a gentle, throaty chuckle on the other end and Tony could tell that Stephen was smiling. “That’s wonderful, Anthony. I _am_ proud of you. Panic attacks don’t make you a lesser person for having them, though. Just remember that.”

Tony found himself smiling now. “Thanks, I’ll try. Are you behaving yourself, Strange?”

“Hmm… define behaving?”

“Well, let’s see… not making out with any strange men or women?” Tony smirked to himself. “That’d be a good start.”

“Oh, right, well. I didn’t make out with anyone but I _am_ missing a certain man right now. I wonder if you might know him. On the shorter side, an egomaniac, handsome with impressive facial hair?”

Tony chuckled again and lay down on his back, still whispering. “Hmm… he sounds like an incredible douchebag. It’s funny that you bring that up though because I’m missing a man myself; tall, slim build, jumps through dimensions at any given moment, also handsome with impressive facial hair. Have you seen him?”

“I might have, actually! If you see my man though, let him know I love him and I miss him, and… I’ll see him tomorrow.”

Tony smiled brightly, glad that no one could see him right now. “Ditto for my man as well.”

“Goodnight, Stark.”

“Goodnight, Strange. Love you.”

 

**.       .     .     .     .      .**

Tony woke up around 4:30 in the morning the next day to Natasha’s gentle voice. When he opened his eyes, he saw Clint hovering over him, his arms at his sides, his eyes open as he stared straight ahead. He felt his heartrate quicken and he sat upright before he moved away from Clint but still watched him carefully.

“Is he asleep right now?”

Natasha simply nodded in Tony’s direction. “Clint, come on now… you need to wake up, all right? You’re safe. I’m right here… wake up, Barton.”

Tony watched the two of them. He knew he should hate Barton for the previous things he had said to Tony at dinner but looking at him right now, he looked so young. He looked like a child in his sleeplike state. He had never seen anyone sleepwalk like this but it unsettled something inside of him.

“Barton,” Natasha tried again, this time a bit more firmly. “You need to wake up.”

At her words, as if Clint had been in a trance, he blinked several times before he looked around at his surroundings. He looked terrified now and he jumped when he saw Tony looking back at him with fascination and uncertainty. Natasha spoke to him again.

“Hey,” she soothed. “You’re okay. You were sleepwalking again. I’ve been with you though. Do you think you can make it back to your bed?”

Clint rubbed his eyes roughly before rubbing the bridge of his nose in confusion and then nodded. “Y-Yeah. I can make it back.” He blinked again and looked at Tony with almost apologetic eyes as he turned away and began walking back towards their bedroom, leaving Natasha behind.

“How long has he been doing this, sleepwalking?”

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair as she looked at Tony. “As far as I know, since Budapest, but for all I know, it could have been earlier. He doesn’t do it every night, though. It’s just when he’s feeling stressed. I imagine that it’s your doing this time, coming over for dinner.”

“I never thought I had that much of an effect on Barton,” Tony smirked.

“Well don’t feel too flattered, Tony. Everyone else has already seen him sleepwalk at one point or another. Just a heads up, Steve usually goes for his six o’ clock run every morning so if you want to avoid him, you should probably do it soon.”

Tony nodded appreciatively and glanced over at Barnes who was still fast asleep, but had unconsciously moved onto his back in his sleep. He had to be in pain. He thought for a minute before he looked back at Natasha. “Has he ever hurt you too?”

“Steve? No. He knows better,” she smirked now, leaning against the couch.

Tony chuckled, having nearly always admired Natasha for her strength and sense of humor. “Good. I know I’m not much without my suit but I could at least give him a black eye.”

Her smirk fell now and she moved closer to Tony before she shook her head. “Have more faith in yourself than that, Stark. You’re a genius. You can fix things and make other things better without a second thought. You’re resourceful. You can think fast in tight situations. You’re better and stronger than you give yourself credit for. Don’t let Steve make you feel any different.”

Tony smiled out of the corner of his mouth now, remembering how Stephen had said something similar to him. “Thanks, Nat. Don’t suppose he’ll like it when he finds out I’m taking Barnes back with me…”

“Oh, no way. He’s going to hate it, but… I think that Barnes will be safer with you than here, to be honest. Steve’s out of control.”

Tony knew it took a lot for her to admit that maybe her friend didn’t have the best anger management techniques but he was glad to hear it from her and that his fears weren’t unfounded. It was always good to get a second opinion. “Don’t suppose you could pack the kid a bag?”

Natasha smiled softly. “I put the getaway bag next to the couch here for him. For emergencies when there’s no time to pack.”

Tony stood up and embraced Nat in a friendly, but meaningful, hug. “You’re a lifesaver, Nat. I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“You won’t ever have to find out,” she whispered against him. “Now get him up and go, while you still have a chance to leave. I’ll stall him from going back to the Tower as long as I can.”

Tony took a deep breath and nodded before casually releasing her and watching her exit the room. He moved over to where Barnes lay and knelt down before he gently shook his shoulder where he knew it wasn’t bruised. “Hey, Barnes. Come on, buddy. You need to wake up. We need to leave before Steve gets up, okay?”

Bucky groaned tiredly but didn’t object. He slowly sat up, with the help of Tony as well, and then stood up. “My stuff…”

Tony grabbed the bag by the couch that Natasha had lay there and felt grateful that he had slept in his clothes last night. “I got it, don’t worry. Come on. You can get coffee at my place and relax once we get there.” He saw Bucky nod in understanding and then led the two of them down the stairs and out of the apartment as quickly and quietly as he could before he hailed a cab down and hopped into it with him. He relaxed a bit once they were heading towards the Tower.

He looked over to see Bucky cringing as he tried to find a position to sit in that wasn’t painful for him. “Stephen’s going to come around lunchtime so you’ll have time to go back to sleep for a bit if you want.”

The “younger” man looked over at him. “Strange? The doctor I met that one day?”

Tony nodded. “That’s the man. He’s just going to make sure you’re okay and don’t need surgery or anything.”

Bucky tensed now. “S-Surgery? I’m not… I’m not havin’ surgery, Stark. I can’t. No hospitals….”

The inventor tensed upon seeing Bucky’s reaction. “Hey, it’s all right. Just calm down, man. I have a hospital-like room at the Tower if it comes down to that, so you can have your surgery in private. You won’t actually have to go anywhere. He knows that this has to be low-key. Take a breath.”

Barnes relaxed slightly but still looked somewhat nervous. “That’s a real funny thing to say coming from a guy who gets panic attacks.”

Tony chuckled now, knowing full well that Barnes didn’t mean any harm in his words. The two of them hadn’t had a genuine fight since the war ended but Tony could tell when the ex-Winter Soldier was angry at him. “You got me there, Barnes.”

He looked over in time to see the kid smirking weakly but the two men were quiet for the most part as they eventually arrived back at the Tower, a tense 30 minutes as Tony imagined Steve waking up and realizing that Bucky was no longer there, and neither was he, and putting two and two together. When the cab arrived home, Tony paid the driver more than he required, and helped Barnes out before grabbing the duffel bag full of clothes. James and him both hurriedly walked into the Tower and once they were in, Tony finally spoke.

“J, do us a favor and lock the doors, and don’t let anyone in that isn’t named Stephen Strange or Natasha Romanoff?”

The AI’s metallic, but somehow also warm, voice came over the system and echoed in the house. _“For you, sir, anything.”_

“Much appreciated, Jarvis.”

He relaxed now and looked at Bucky who was standing in the hallway awkwardly, as if he wasn’t sure what to do with himself now that he was free of Steve’s control. Tony motioned for him to follow him into the kitchen and started to make them coffee before glancing over at him. “Coffee or sleep?”

James shrugged and bit his lip but then winced, remembering it was cut. “Coffee… I’m too awake now to go back to sleep. Can… I have something to eat? I’m starvin’.”

Tony felt an ache in his chest that Barnes felt like he had to ask permission to eat. It broke Tony’s fucking shrapnel filled heart to hear it. He got out a pan and broke four eggs into it before he broke the yolks and started to make scrambled eggs. “You’ve been coming around here for how long now, Barnes? At least five months, I’d say?” When he saw Bucky nod, he went on. “I thought so. I don’t say this often, but… I consider you… one of my best friends. You’re in my top list of my four favorite people. You know that?”

Barnes smiled now and looked down before he forced his eyes back to look at Tony again. “Really?”

Tony nodded surely. “No lie, Terminator. I have no reason to lie to you. We both know each other’s’ shitty secrets. It’s my list of the only people that I trust with my life at this point. Anyway, I just want to you to feel safe here. I want you to consider this place a home too, if you can. Maybe… a better home than the one you have right now at Barton’s. Since this is home, you don’t have to ask my permission to eat or shower or any of those basic necessity stuff. All right? You do what you want to do or don’t want to do here. You have a choice. Choices are what makes us human. Understand?”

Barnes nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Stark.”

“Anytime, pal.”

Tony dished up the scrambled eggs with peppers and onions he had made for Bucky and placed the plate in front of him at the counter where he was sitting before he grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and poured fresh coffee into them along with creamer and sugar. He placed one of the mugs in front of James before he leaned against the counter, holding his own coffee in his hands.

Bucky thanked him for the eggs before he dove right in, as if he hadn’t even eaten dinner last night. He looked over at Tony. “What about you? Aren’t you going to eat anything?”

“Nah, not hungry.”

“You should eat,” Barnes persisted, shrugging.

Tony chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Thanks, mom. Not to sound insensitive but I already have Natasha riding me. I don’t need a third mother.”

“What about a father? Didn’t he ever tell you eat breakfast?”

Tony smirked, glad that Barnes was able to feel safe enough here to go casually back and forth with Tony. “My father… made Cap. Well, he was a part of that process. He admired him more than he loved me. He’d come home at night and tell me bedtime stories about the man in the ice and how he was going to make America safe from all the bad guys. My old man was barely around for my childhood. What about yours, Barnes? What was he like?”

Bucky continued to eat his eggs but paused while he talked, taking a sip of coffee instead. “Oh yeah, when he wasn’t drinking or teaching me lessons that involved the back of his hand or his belt, he was great. He died when I was twelve though. And my mother died when I was young too so… we have being orphans in common, I guess.”

In a past life, Tony would have said something bitter like: _At least no one murdered your parents like you murdered mine._ But months had passed since the civil war and in that time, Tony had grown up. He swallowed back his hatred for James Barnes, let it gradually disappear, and then moved on with his life. He knew he had every right to hold that grudge, let the hate fester inside of him, but he also knew that would only lead to more self-destruction; he had enough issues as it was, and he didn’t want to be angry at someone he hadn’t been able to forgive.

Instead, now, the person that Tony Stark was simply nodded and gave a small smile. “That’s right. It is another thing we have in common. I wish it weren’t so in your case, though.”

Barnes took another sip of coffee before he shrugged and went back to his eggs.

“It is what it is.”

Tony nodded in agreement. “You’re not wrong, kid.”

He watched as Barnes finished his eggs before he refilled his coffee cup as well as his own. “Still hungry? Want some toast or something?”

Bucky shook his head. “No, thanks. That was great, Stark. Thanks, again.”

“Don’t need to thank me for giving you food you should’ve had at Barton’s,” Tony sighed to himself as he took the plate and put it into the dishwasher. “How are you feeling? Is the pain getting worse?”

Barnes moved, cringing again, but he shook his head. “Still the same.”

Tony nodded, feeling relief that his pain wasn’t getting worse. Maybe him making Stephen come over would just just be a waste of time but he also wanted to be certain there wasn’t any worse damage that Bucky just wasn’t feeling at the moment. Anyway, any time he got to see Stephen wasn’t a waste; he considered it a blessing.

He loved that tall, magical bastard, and Tony didn’t want to be cured of that.


	11. rift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . / . /

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It occurs to me that I don't really know how long this story is going to be but I'm going to try not to let it be more than 15 chapters, but I know even that seems excessive. I might leave it up to you guys to decide for me. 
> 
> I can either: 
> 
> \- Keep going with this one, let it be a massive amount of chapters OR  
> \- I can have it be the first in a series, and there'll be a Part 2 and maybe even a Part 3 with the same amount of chapters in it, give or take a few.
> 
> So comment and let me know which one you'd prefer! I'm okay with doing either one but I'd genuinely like your opinion. Which would you guys rather read? :)

**.    .    .**

Tony couldn’t help but hold his breath as he watched Stephen prodding his shaking fingers over Bucky’s back and abdomen tenderly, watching his reaction to each touch.

“How is he?” Tony asked once he saw Stephen retract his hands and then help Barnes back up so he was sitting.

“No broken bones. He has a bruised rib but that should go away on its own in time. No internal bleeding, just extensive bruising but once again, that’ll go away on its own,” Stephen smiled in satisfaction before his eyes settled on Bucky’s metal arm.

Tony didn’t miss this but he was just glad that there was no sign of judgement or cruelty in Stephen’s eyes as he looked at the arm. It was more of a curious fascination than anything else. It’s one of the things that Tony Stark loved about him; Strange could perform magic, and yet he was still interested in how things worked. He never wanted to stop learning.

“Thanks, doc,” James spoke as he put his shirt back on.

Stephen walked over to where Tony was and he looked over at the kid. “How long has he been abusing you, Barnes?”

Bucky looked down at his hands, pretending to be absorbed with them as he avoided eye contact. “Since the first time I stopped by here, about a month after the civil war between all of us. He hated that I was talking to Stark,” he glanced up to look at Tony, guilt in his eyes.

Stephen gave Tony a soft smile and winked at him before he looked at Barnes again. “Well, I hope you decided to stay away from him for a while. Let him cool off.”

“That’s good advice and all, Strange,” Tony spoke now. “But I don’t think he’s going to stop hurting him after a cooling off period. That’s short term. Barnes needs to live here, where he’s safe. Rogers will just keep doing it to him. He’s taking out the anger he has for me out on Barnes.”

Stephen wet his lips and looked at him. “Possibly, but what else can we do? You all are still part of the Avengers team. There’s going to come a time when you all need to work together. When that time comes, are you going to be able to trust each other?”

“That’s… irrelevant right now, Strange,” Tony replied, shrugging. “Can’t you just… throw Cap into an alternate dimension or feed him to giant slug aliens or something?”

Barnes chuckled now and smirked to himself at Tony’s suggestions.

Stephen didn’t chuckle but smirked as well. “Sorry, I’m not going to murder Captain America. I mean, how would that look, Tony?”

“Great to me, and him too, apparently,” Tony answered, pointing to Barnes.

“I understand your grievances with him, and rightly so, but you need to confront him yourself. Talk it all out and fix it.” Stephen had become serious again.

Tony shook his head and sighed, frustrated. “ _This_ can’t be fixed by ‘talking it out,’ Stephen! This isn’t just a mild disagreement about how to take down a baddie. Rogers _is_ the baddie! He needs to be kicked off the team and maybe even file a complaint and a restraining order against him!”

Stephen ran a hand through his hair and looked at Tony.

“He’s not a civilian, Tony, and neither are you. This would be different if that was the case, but… it’s not. You’re both part of S.H.I.E.L.D, and as such, you two need to work it out amongst yourselves before it disassembles the Avengers,” Stephen sighed helplessly.

Tony could see in his eyes that he wasn’t trying to be argumentative or anything. He was trying to talk sense into Stark, but Stark just wasn’t having any of it. This would be their first fight. He swallowed hard. He didn’t want to argue in front of Barnes, or at all, if he could help it, but this was an issue the two of them weren’t going to agree on.

Thankfully, Bucky seemed to take their tense silence as a hint. He stood up carefully, keeping his eyes downward. “I’m going to go lay down.”

“Okay, kid. Go ahead,” Tony replied and waited until Bucky left and the door closed before he spoke again, looking at Stephen. “Why are you doing this? You _know_ how serious of an issue this is… why are you against me right now?”

“Oh don’t say that like I want to be! You know that I’d be on your side any other time, Anthony. This is just… sensitive. Like I said earlier, this would be easier if you both weren’t –"

Tony kicked the chair at his desk over now and glared at Stephen.

“Stop it! I don’t care about being exceptional or any of that superhero bullshit! This isn’t about us! This is about Bucky! You should be on my side in this right now! You should be with me when I go to the police and get a restraining order on Rogers to stay the fuck away from the kid! You should be on my side to possibly even get Cap arrested for physical assault, _at the very least!_ Why the hell aren’t you with me on this?”

Stephen looked hurt but Tony didn’t care right now. He felt hurt too. He felt betrayed by the man who loved him, and whom he loved back. He couldn’t believe that this was the one thing they didn’t have in common. He hadn’t seen this coming.

“You know why I’m not, Tony,” he said calmly, quietly. “You know my feelings about it. You’ve already been through a war with him. Are that eager to have another one so soon after it? That’s what’s going to happen if you go through this by legal means. It’s going to be red tape all the way and I promise you not one police station is going to want to book Captain America into their cells for assault, Sokovia Accords or not.”

Tony Stark swallowed back bile. He felt so sick with the whole situation and it just wasn’t fair; Stephen had a point, and perhaps no one else would touch Steve Rogers for such a charge, but Tony wanted something to happen, anything to help Bucky.

He stood against the tall desk, quiet for a long time and looking away from Stephen. He felt if he looked at him, Tony would go weak and start pretending that everything would be okay. He felt like he was the only one looking out for Bucky, save for Nat, and if he didn’t try and do something, then Bucky would just be in worse danger than before.

“Just talk to him, Tony… please. Talk to Steve and discuss everything and maybe he’ll compromise. Maybe he’ll surprise you. Please,” Stephen urged. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore. Just… talk to him, for me.”

Tony had to bite back his anger now and he swallowed hard. He knew the next words that came out of his mouth would just be anger-fueled, but he didn’t try to stop himself.

“I’m sorry, Strange, but this issue can’t be resolved by talking and singing Kumbaya,” Tony spoke almost icily, his jaw clenched. “Barnes… needs me.”

Stephen shook his head now and took a step back, looking at Tony. “Maybe you just need him a bit more than he needs you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Stephen had already turned around to leave the room when he spun back to face Tony. “It means that you need to self-destruct to make yourself feel better! You need someone to be there to pick up your broken pieces because you can’t or won’t do it yourself! He doesn’t need you in the same way you need him! He’s your excuse to fall back on when things get too stressful. I know who you are, Stark, because you’re _exactly_ like me! You need someone to fix you because you can’t do it yourself!”

Tony stood there in shock as Stephen opened the door angrily and walked out. He wasn’t sure what to do or say, but it was too late anyway. He felt his chest aching with hurt and panic and the horrible fear that Stephen was right, but he wouldn’t let himself think that way. He didn’t feel like he needed Bucky, but he knew that he needed Tony. At least for now until he could figure out a better plan.

He would protect him, and to hell with Stephen if he wouldn’t help him on this. Tony loved him, but like most things he loved, he wouldn’t let himself be totally reliant on them.

He needed to take his mind off of Stephen and Rogers. He needed to focus his attention somewhere else or else the stress he was feeling was going to turn into panic, which would turn into panic attacks and anxiety at his worst, even depression. He couldn’t let himself get that bad. He had work to do.

He cranked up his music and started to work on one of his cars that weren’t running properly. It was one of his more inconspicuous ones as not to draw attention to himself too much when he drove it in public and he was trying to stay at least semi low-key.

Two hours into what he was doing, he was so focused that he nearly jumped and hit his head on the hood of the car when he heard a familiar voice come from behind him.

“So you two had it out earlier, huh?”

Tony straightened up and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his shirt. “Just a mild disagreement, is all.”

Barnes was looking skeptical but he didn’t push the subject of Stephen and him any further.

“What are you going to do about Steve?” He asked gently, his tone free of demand.

Tony thought for a minute and sighed before he turned to look at him, putting the hood back down. “I figured I’d start with a restraining order first. I’m not sure how far I’m actually going to get with this. Why? What do you want me to do about him?”

Barnes shrugged. “I don’t know, man. I just… don’t want to go back there with him still living there. Maybe if… he left or something, I would, but I don’t know. I’m just afraid if it happens again, I’ll lose it, you know? Something in my brain will switch on and go into full Winter Soldier mode and I’ll end up killing him.”

“After what he did to you, I’d be lying if I said I would miss him if that happened,” Tony wiped his hands free of oil on a rag.

Barnes visibly stiffened. “I hate the bastard right now but I don’t want to kill him, Stark. I just want him to leave me alone.”

Tony motioned for him to follow him upstairs out of his garage and into the kitchen. He grabbed a water and threw one in Bucky’s direction, who easily caught it. He took a long drink.

“Jarvis, can you do something for me right now, save me some gas and time?”

_“Of course, Mr. Stark. What is it you would like me to do?”_

“I’m never going to get used to that thing,” Barnes joked, smirking.

Tony stifled a chuckle. “Can you please put a request to the NYPD for a restraining order against Steve Rogers for James Barnes? And send me a copy of it?”

_“Yes, Mr. Stark. I believe I can do that. Is there anything else you request?”_

“No, J. That’s it. As always, you’re the best,” Tony breathed a sigh of relief, a bit of his panic about having to go down to a station and fight it out with someone gone now.

_“Anytime, sir.”_

“So that’s it?” Bucky asked, taking a drink of his water. “It’s done? Just like that?”

Tony shrugged and gave him a hopeful look. “Has to be approved first. I know that only a select few people are going to like that I did this though.”

Barnes nodded in understanding, his eyes full of gratitude. “At least I’ll be one of those people. I really appreciate you doing this, even after all we’ve already been through…”

“No problem, Barnes. I’m happy to do it for you if it means you’ll be safe. You don’t deserve what he does to you. No one deserves that brutality.”

Barnes nodded in agreement and was quiet for a few moments before he spoke again. “Are you afraid this might cause another civil war between us?”

Tony thought back to what Stephen Strange had said to him earlier and he felt a heaviness in his stomach. He set his water down and searched Bucky’s face. “A little bit,” he confessed, nodding. “The first one destroyed all of us, no one came out of it better than anyone else. It made us worse than we were. I don’t think any of us could handle another one, so… I’m going to try to avoid it, if I can. I don’t want to make this uglier than it already is.”

Barnes sighed tiredly and ran a hand through his dark hair before he looked at Tony with exhausted eyes. “The war’s never really over, is it, Stark?”

Tony gave him a sad smile. “Sorry, kid. I guess it isn’t.”


	12. agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . /

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments! A lot of them made me think.

**.      .     .**

_“Sir, Captain Rogers is outside requesting permission to come in. What would you like me to do?”_

Tony was afraid that Steve would come over eventually for Bucky, but he didn’t expect it to happen this fast. He swallowed hard, feeling a tightness in his chest. “What’s the status of that restraining order?”

_“It has been read and regrettably denied.”_

“Denied? Why?”

_“Sir, I regret to inform you that no reason is given at this time. I deduce the reason is perhaps because this is not a civilian matter. Would you like me to put you through with the nearest New York Police Department near the Tower?”_

Tony sighed, rubbing his temples where a headache was forming. “Please, and continue to keep Rogers locked out as well.”

_“Of course, sir.”_

There was a pause and Tony waited for Jarvis to connect him with someone at the department when he heard his ringtone on his cell phone. He pulled it out, hoping it had been Strange coming to his senses but was disappointed to see Rogers’ name pop up instead.

He hesitated, momentarily thinking about answering it but set it down on the table instead, letting it go to his voicemail. It wasn’t long before he heard a stranger’s voice from Jarvis’ line.

“Tony Stark, to what do I owe this pleasure?” a sarcastic voice asked.

He could already tell this man wasn’t a fan of him and was going to be difficult. “Yeah, I called before about a restraining order against one of my team members. What happened? Why was it denied?”

“You already said it, Stark. He’s your team member. This is an internal conflict with you guys. This isn’t like some random citizen was beaten by their drunk boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband, whatever. If that was the situation, you might actually have a leg to stand on, but you don’t,” the police officer replied tiredly.

Tony could feel fire boiling from within in, overtaking his anxiety. “I’m sorry but in case it’s slipped your mind, the abused is still human and the abuser is a monster. The situation hasn’t changed all that much! I  need a restraining order on this guy!”

Roaring laughter was heard and Tony knew now that he had been on speakerphone, hearing other men laughing as well. “Are you kiddin’ me, Stark? Do you realize what would happen if I put a restraining order on Captain America? Or arrested him for assault? _I_ would be arrested, or fired. I ain’t going to risk that.”

Tony ran a hand through his hair, trying to fight the urge to knock over a chair. He saw his phone flash and saw Steve’s name come up again and once again, go to voicemail. “I’m glad you’re laughing your asses of right now because I’m not laughing over here! This is serious and as the police and public servants, you should be taking this situation seriously! Why don’t you just do your goddamn jobs?!” He suddenly yelled in frustration.

The laughter gradually died down but at least now he could tell that he was no longer on speakerphone. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, Stark, but issues within the Avengers are to be taken care of internally, by order of Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. We’re supposed to keep our focus on the citizens and help them first. You need to go see one of them if you want justice done.”

Tony wasn’t sure what to even say to that. He hadn’t talked to either in god knows how long, and as far as he knew, Nick Fury was still trying to stay incognito. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with the politics and red tape of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

He took a deep breath. “Is there… any way that you would be able to deal with this issue?”

“Sorry, Stark. No can do, unless a citizen is involved in a scuffle with the guy. Looks like you have to take care of this amongst yourselves, pal.”

Tony actually did kick over the stool by the counter. “Yeah, it fucking does look like that, doesn’t it?! Thanks for nothing!”

He heard a click of Jarvis hanging up and then heard the AI’s voice. _“I’m sorry that did not go according to plan, Mr. Stark. Is there anything else I can do to help?”_

Tony tried to think right now but he could barely think straight. He sighed. “Is Rogers still outside?”

_“I’m afraid so, sir.”_

Everything was so fucked right now. He rubbed his eyes and walked into the kitchen and grabbed out a bottle of whiskey and poured some into a tumbler before he took a sip. The action gave him a few moments to think. “Can you call up Romanoff and ask her to come over, please?”

 _“Yes, sir.”_ There was a few minutes of silence before Tony heard Jarvis’ voice again. _“Ms. Romanoff is on her way over now.”_

“Thanks, J,” Tony almost whispered desperately.

_“Of course.”_

He grabbed his phone and went to his voicemail before he pressed speakerphone as he played the messages.

_First message:_

“Tony,” Steve’s voice played. “Let me in. Let me see him! You can’t do this. You can’t hole yourself up in your tower and think you’re safe. You’re basically holding him hostage! Let him decided for himself if he wants to come see me!”

_Second message:_

“Tony,” Steve’s voice again, this time sounding less threatening and more pleading. “Please… please just come out and we can talk about this. Whatever _this_ is, let me in, or come out, and we can discuss this, like men. We don’t need to do this. Call me back…”

Tony erased both messages and took another drink before he looked up and saw Bucky at the bottom of the stairs, seemingly to have heard the messages. He grabbed another tumbler but then James spoke.

“No, thanks. I’ll just have a beer if you have it.”

“Sure thing. I always have beer,” Tony put the tumbler back into the cabinet before he opened the fridge and grabbed a beer and handed it to Barnes as he walked into the kitchen. “You hear all that?”

“Would it make you feel better if I said no?”

Tony shook his head and shrugged as he finished his whiskey and poured himself some more. “Guess it doesn’t really matter. Tried to call the police, get them on our side.”

“And?” Barnes urged hopefully.

Tony took a long drink before he looked over at Barnes. “They don’t give a shit. We’re on own with this.”

“Goddamn it…”

Stark moved over to the stool that he had knocked over and lifted it back up onto its feet so it was standing again. “Yeah… goddamn it. You said it, kid.”

Barnes was looking as frustrated as Tony felt.

“So what now? Can we do _anything?_ ”

“Nat’s coming over. I figure maybe she can help us come up with a plan, something. Rogers is outside right now. He’s called me twice, wanting to come inside and ‘talk.’”

“W-What?” Barnes hesitated, glancing over at the front door. “He’s… he’s o-out there?”

Tony saw the fear on his face and he moved over towards him. “Yeah, but don’t worry. He can’t get in. It’s locked. It’s Cap proof. If it’s one thing I’m good at, it’s locking myself away and isolating. She should be here soon. If he’s still out there when she comes, she’ll get rid of him.”

Barnes still looked fearful but he appeared to be put at ease, at least a little bit. He took a long pull from his beer. The two men drank quietly in anticipation as they waited, trying to relax.

The sound of the AI’s voice made both men jump.

_“Agent Romanoff is here and Captain Rogers has left.”_

“That woman is a lifesaver. Thanks, J. Let her in.”

There was the mechanical sound of the door unlocking and Natasha walked inside and glanced around for Tony, smiling at both men when she saw them.

“Got one for me, Stark?”

Tony felt relief when he heard her raspy voice. “Always. Help yourself. After all, I owe you for getting rid of him. What’d you say to him so I can use it?”

Nat chuckled as she grabbed a beer from the fridge as well before she walked back over to them. “Just told him that you weren’t going to let him in, and what he did to James was out of line. He yelled a bit about… misunderstandings, and how you were holding James captive in here. I assured him that he was in here on his own accord and that Steve should just go back to Clint’s place.”

“That’s it? Why does he listen to you and not me?”

“Well, I _was_ on his side during our little war.”

Tony smirked now. “To be fair, you _were_ playing both sides, but I forgive you for that, by the way.”

“Funny,” she smirked back now, after taking a drink of her beer. “I don’t remember asking for your forgiveness, Stark.”

Barnes chuckled now, smiling as he listened to the two of them.

“Seriously, Nat. Thanks, for getting rid of him. I tried to get a restraining order on Rogers.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Oh yeah? I bet that went well.”

“Yeah, it went about as well as I should have expected. They said it was a civilian matter and that we should settle it internally,” Tony felt his anger rising up again and poured himself another half glass, feeling the whiskey beginning to cloud his thoughts.

“Maybe you should take it easy on that stuff, Tony…” Nat urged not unkindly.

Tony took another sip but then set it back down on the counter and forced himself to dump the rest down the sink. “How do we fight this, Nat? I’m not going to S.H.I.E.L.D with this…”

“I didn’t expect you to,” she replied honestly, taking another pull. “I was thinking about this whole thing and it’s not easy with me living with him and Clint’s. I tried talking to Barton about this whole thing but… he and I can’t really see eye to eye on it. I know that Bruce is on our side though, so… I was thinking about moving Bruce and myself out of Barton’s apartment and move in here with you guys so Steve has some space. I think he needs that right now. He needs time to think.”

“He needs time to think? What good will that do? We need to make sure this shit isn’t going to happen again. He can’t even come near Barnes. I won’t let him,” Tony half-slurred.

“I know, Stark. I agree with you. He can’t keep hurting him,” Nat glanced over at Bucky who was sitting on the stool near the counter, quietly drinking and listening to them. “I’m on your side in this, okay? I just… don’t know what else we can do.”

Tony nodded in understanding. “Strange wants me to go over there and talk to Rogers. I feel like there’s no good outcome if that happens though. One of us is just going to get hurt.”

Nat pondered this, quiet for a long time. “We need to figure out why Steve’s like this. We need to figure out why he changed, why he’s hurting his best friend.”

“He’s hurting him because Rogers is a complete asshole!”

“Well, okay, besides that. Maybe if… we do talk to him, we can figure out what’s triggering his anger, and stop it, or at the very least, help him manage it? He’s been through two wars now, Tony. Maybe it’s PTSD? Maybe it’s guilt?”

Tony looked over at her in surprise now, feeling a bit betrayed. “You’re saying I need to talk to him too? I can’t… I can’t fucking believe this,” Tony laughed humorlessly.

Nat sighed and chewed her lower lip, but she didn’t falter.

“I know it doesn’t sound like a lot but… think about this, Tony. We all need to work together. Steve can’t do that if you have a restraining order on him or get him thrown in jail. What if Barnes is in trouble on a mission, and Steve’s the only one able to help him? If you and Bruce and Clint are all busy getting the bad guys? What happens then? We need to think this through…”

“And you think _talking_ is going to do anything?” Tony spit in disgust.

Nat didn’t seem offended or surprised by Tony’s reaction. “I think it might do more good than not talking and ignoring him and risking lives on our next mission.”

Tony shook his head in disbelief. “He’s an abuser, Nat.”

“I get that, Tony,” she nodded. “I do, but… he’s also a teammate. We can’t afford to kick him off the team. We’ll regret it if we do. There are things he can do that the rest of us can’t. That’s how it is with each of us. We have abilities that the other members can’t do.”

“What are we going to do on a mission? We can’t leave the two of them alone…”

Barnes was smirking slightly. “I can hear you two, ya know.”

Nat glanced over at Barnes and smiled apologetically before looking back at Tony. “We won’t. I’ll make sure that no matter what, one of us is with him. Either you, myself or Bruce… one of us will be there with Barnes. It’s a good idea anyway, just in case someone tries to switch on his Hydra switch.”

Tony nodded now, feeling somewhat better. “All right. Go ahead and go back to Barton’s to pack up Bruce and your things. I need to call someone to be there when I talk to Steve, or else it isn’t going to go well.”

Natasha smiled again before she nodded and finished her beer before she threw her bottle out. “We’ll be back soon.”

“Counting on it, Nat.”

She waved goodbye and left the Tower, Jarvis locking the door behind her. When she left, he felt Barnes’ eyes on him as he grabbed his phone.

“Who you callin’ for backup?” James asked softly.

Tony felt reluctant as he dialed the number, unsure if the man was even going to answer after their last conversation.

“Strange.”


	13. understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . /

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the long wait for this chapter! I hope you guys are still with me! I'm hoping to start posting more quickly again.

**.     .     .**

“Remind me again why this is the best idea?”

Stephen looked over at him as they stood outside of Clint’s apartment door. He searched Tony’s face before placing his hand on Tony’s shoulder reassuringly. “Because the police don’t want to get involved and you don’t want to start another civil war.”

Stark sighed and nodded. “Right. Yeah… why does it always come down to that? I mean, how long is everyone planning on holding that incident over my head for? Honestly, it feels like it’s all I ever fucking here about nowadays. It’s ridiculous, Stephen. One war and my best friend becomes paralyzed and everyone hates me. What’s a little war between friends anyway?” Tony ranted self-deprecatingly, trying to postpone this interaction with Rogers as long as he possibly could.

Stephen smiled reassuringly before he gently patted Tony’s shoulder. “It’ll be all right, Anthony. I’m right here with you. Steve might be stronger than you but he knows I can kick him into another dimension if he tries to hurt you.”

This helped Tony to relax a little. “Okay, good.” He took a deep breath and then gently knocked on the door. His heart was in his throat as he heard footsteps walk over to the door.

His anxiety only intensified when he found himself looking at Steve Rogers who was looking nervously from Tony to Strange before looking back to Tony. He cleared his throat.

“Stark,” he acknowledged.

“Cap,” Tony nodded.

“Want to come inside?”  Steve moved out of the way and Tony walked inside as his answer. Steve closed the door behind him and Strange before turning to look at the two men. “Are you so afraid to talk to me that you need a bodyguard?”

Tony clenched his jaw as he glared at Rogers. “I don’t know. Can you blame me after the hurt you laid down on Barnes? He had a bruised rib, you know. He’s still bruised, hasn’t fully healed yet. Tell me, do you have _any_ regret at all about doing that to him?”

Steve sighed and shook his head in disbelief. “Of course I do, Tony. That was just a situation that got out of hand. You don’t even know what you’re talking about so just… stop right there. Just drop it.”

Tony glanced around for Clint but didn’t see him. “Where’d Barton go?”

Steve moved into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. “Went out for groceries. We’ll be saving a lot of money on food now that Banner and Natasha aren’t living here anymore. I see you’ve taken them hostage as well.”

Tony felt a knot in his stomach, causing him to glance over at Stephen who was standing by the door, leaning against it. He felt a nudge of encouragement when he saw the man nod towards him, silently letting him know he could do this.

Tony forced himself to look back at Rogers. “No one’s being held hostage at my place, Cap. If anything, Barnes was being held hostage here by you! What was it you wanted to know that he wasn’t telling you anyway? Was it why he was coming over to visit me and not staying here with you?”

“I know why he was seeing you, Tony. It wasn’t because you two are best pals. It’s because he needed you to fix his arm. Stop pretending like it was otherwise.”

Tony let out a laugh he hadn’t anticipated. “Wow, you must be in complete denial if you truly believe that. I guess you don’t want to admit that Barnes feels safer at my place than he does here with you!”

Stephen Strange cleared his throat pointedly now and Tony could feel his eyes on him. “Anthony, this isn’t why we came here. Do what we agreed upon.”

Rogers straightened himself now and looked icily from Strange to Stark. “Why _are_ you here, anyway? You have my best friend. What else could you want from me?”

Tony was quiet for a long time, trying to work out how he wanted to phrase this aloud as carefully as he could. He knew it wasn’t going to sound coherent and he knew that he wanted to feel a lot braver than he did right now.

“I want a peace treaty between us. I don’t want to have another war because none of us can do that again. We need to be able to work together on missions and trust each other, and I can’t trust you after what you did to him. When we’re on a mission, everything else falls away, got it, Cap? All our grudges that we have, all our disagreements? Gone. You help me, I help you, no questions asked,” Tony ordered, forcing himself to sound forceful as he put the anger he felt into his tone.

Steve nodded once. “Agreed. So far, so good. Anything else?”

“Yeah, while we’re not on a mission, stay the hell away from Barnes. If you come around and want to visit him, they’re going to be supervised visits with one of us in the room, but you don’t get that privilege for awhile. Stop calling me just to see him. He doesn’t want to see you. He just wants you to back off for a while,” Tony continued in the same voice, no longer having to force it out.

His protective feelings towards Bucky made his orders come out brave and genuine.

Steve tongued his cheek tensely, as if he was trying to hold back all the horrible things he wanted to tell Tony right now. “You realize that there might come a time when I’ll be alone with Bucky on a mission, right? You won’t always be around him.”

Tony moved challengingly closer to Rogers now and squared up. He didn’t care that Steve still was a good few inches taller than him; he felt tall in his protectiveness. “If you try to hurt him while we’re on a mission, I don’t give a fuck anymore. I _will_ kill you, one way or another. I’ll tell everyone else that’s still on my side to do the same too. If you care about the Avengers Initiative still, then you’ll be wise not to touch him.”

“Good,” Stephen replied now. “We can leave now.”

Tony looked in Steve Rogers’ eyes a few moments longer before he forced himself to turn his back on the man and started walking towards the door.

Strange moved towards Rogers and as he had the height advantage on Rogers, Tony heard him speak in a low, but tense voice.

“And if you lay a finger on _him,_ ” Stephen pointed towards Tony but never took his eyes off of Rogers as he continued. “Be prepared to be kicked into another world beyond your comprehension for all eternity, and I’m not kidding.” He didn’t see any reaction from Cap other than perhaps annoyance on his face but he finally moved away from him and walked out of the apartment without a second glance back at the other man.

When Strange came out to where he was, he laced his fingers with the ex-surgeon’s, and started to lead him out of the apartment building and back to the Tower.

 

**.   .   .    .   .    .    .   .**

 “So how’d it go?” Bruce Banner asked when he saw his friends arrive inside.

Tony shrugged and glanced over at Bucky who was also looking at both men with questioning eyes. He looked back at where Bruce and Natasha were standing, awaiting his answer. “As good as can be expected, I guess. No one got hurt, so that’s always good, even if I did want to break both his wrists repeatedly. How did everything go here?”

Natasha now looked almost apologetic as she moved away from the doorway and to Tony’s dismay and surprise, he saw Pepper standing before him, not looking remotely pleased.

“Pep, how horrible it is to see you. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we agree to break up?” Tony searched her face with cold eyes, feeling brave as Stephen Strange still stood behind him.

She shook her head and walked towards him until they were inches apart.

“Are you out of your mind, Tony?” She asked with ice in her voice. “Tell me you didn’t go to the New York Police Department to file a restraining order against Steve Rogers!”

He sighed, shaking his head in disbelief before he chuckled humorlessly.  “I did it with good intentions! It’s not like I didn’t have a good reason to at least _try_ to protect my friend and fellow teammate! I thought you would be proud of me! I couldn’t suited up and sliced Cap in half with repulsors but I resisted!”

“What a clever choice of words!” She slapped papers against Tony’s chest and held it there until she saw him take the papers from her. “I wish you had resisted on the restraining order too! Those papers are complaints against you, because why wouldn’t they be? It’s not Tony Stark unless he’s being followed by an angry mob of pitchforks and torches!”

He raised an eyebrow and flipped through the papers. “What is this? How’d they even hear about that?”

“Sounds like someone at the police station likes to gossip,” Stephen interjected disapprovingly.

“Word gets around pretty damn fast when you start talking about filing a restraining order against Captain America! Did you really think that was going to work, Tony?” Pepper huffed angrily.

Tony looked at one of the papers that was a bogus charge of ‘disturbing the peace,’ and balled it up in his hand before he threw it into the garbage. “Why are you yelling at me for? This doesn’t affect you, Pepper.”

“Oh, it doesn’t?” She stiffened and then turned her tablet around that showed a graph with a red arrow that went from the very top to the very bottom. “Do you recognize this? This is your company! This hideous arrow is the aftermath of people finding out about your disagreement with Steve. Oh, and _correct me if I’m wrong,_ but I’m still the CEO of Stark Industries because you’re utterly useless at doing your job.”

Tony swallowed hard but didn’t let himself show weakness in front of her. He couldn’t deny that her words had stung a bit though. He had heard that a lot throughout his life, how useless he was. He sighed now and clenched his jaw before he looked at her. “Fine, if it’ll make your life easier, I take the position back. You’re fired. Happy now?”

She looked as if he had just slapped her. “No, of course I’m not happy, Tony. I won’t be out of a job just because you’re a train wreck right now. Someone has to hold this company together and it sure as hell can’t be you, but you can’t do this. You can’t try to split up the Avengers!”

“I wasn’t trying to split us up!” Tony yelled now. “I get that you weren’t at the little dinner party the other night with the rest of us but you didn’t see Barnes!” He pointed to Bucky, who looked down. “Rogers hurt him, Pepper!”

“Oh please,” she rolled her eyes now, scoffing. “You guys rough house all the time! They probably just messing around, Tony -"

“ – No. That’s n-not what happened,” Bucky interrupted now, looking up and over to Pepper.

Tony was surprised at his sudden interjection but also glad for it. It felt good to have some backup against this woman for once. He took a shaky breath and as Pepper kept quiet, he nodded towards Bucky to continue talking.

Bucky stayed where he was near the counter but kept his composure, clearing his voice before he spoke again. “I’ve been visitin’ Stark for a while now, and not just for maintenance on my arm, but… to talk. We made peace, and… we became friends, something that Steve didn’t like. He was interrogating me before Tony came over to Barton’s apartment, and I had to tell him the truth, why I kept leaving. He got angry… he shoved me up against the wall and started hittin’ me. I hit him back… but my point is, Stark had good reason to try and get a restrainin’ order on Steve; he’s out of control. Something... snapped, and he’s different now.”

There was  a few moments of silence now as Pepper looked conflicted, but her anger had disappeared and he voice was softer when she spoke, looking to Tony. “What do you expect me to do about this, Tony?”

Tony shook his head and shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t expect you to do anything, to be honest, Pep. I’d like you maybe to get the whole police department to sign a nondisclosure agreement about what I talked to them about when I was there, if it’s not too late, but it’s up to you, CEO. I have too much on my plate right now to deal with this bullshit. Stocks will go back up in time, people will forget. It’s just one person that let word spread because we’re the Avengers and it’s a hot topic when there’s internal conflict between us. It’ll pass.”

She nodded, listening to him and sighed. “For your sake, I really hope so, Tony.”

Tony rubbed his temples where a headache was forming. “Anything else?”

She shook her head and glanced back over at Bucky again before she turned around and left the Tower. When she was out, Tony turned to his friends but spoke to his AI. “I thought I gave you orders not to let her in, Jarvis. What happened?”

_“I’m sorry, Sir. Ms. Romanoff told me your well-being was hanging in the balance. I thought it vital, in that case.”_

Tony looked over at Natasha with almost hurt eyes, hating that he couldn’t be furious at her, as much as he wanted to. “You took advantage of my AI, Nat. Explain to me though how my well-being was hanging in the balance because that should be really interesting. My well-being was hanging in the balance when she was still living here and ignoring me most of the time.”

She straightened her back and sighed, looking at him. “I get that you two had a falling out and I’ll admit that she’s not a great person to be around or deal with, but she still knows you pretty well, Stark. I think her appearance here once in a while is good for you. It keeps you humble.”

Tony shook his head. “Nat, her appearance here keeps making me have panic attacks. I know you have good intentions but it’s you guys that keep me humble, hand-to-God or… Gods, I guess? Anyway, she doesn’t do anything positive for me. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that again without my say-so, Romanoff. Remember, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”

She nodded obediently, not wanting to argue with Tony and also perhaps even more afraid that Tony was right and seeing her again would make his anxiety worse. “Understood.”

“Good. Now that all that business is out of the way…” Tony started walking towards Natasha but she met him halfway and already had her arms around him in a friendly hug. His own arms wrapped around her. “I’m glad to have you all here with me, even if I seem ungrateful. Being in that room with Rogers wasn’t fun.”

Stephen watched from the corner and smiled lovingly at his Tony as he watched the man show his vulnerable side to his teammates and family. Bruce was also smiling softly before he gently patted Tony’s back and then headed towards his room. When Tony and Nat parted, they were both smirking.

Tony glanced over at Stephen. “Can you stay the night and hang out with us or do you have to get back to your man-servant?”

Strange chuckled and shook his head. “Wong’s fine without me tonight. I can stay. What did you guys have planned?”

“Monty Python marathon…” Natasha answered. “We do it every weekend.”

Stephen raised an eyebrow and laughed, looking at Tony. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for a Monty Python fan…”

Tony thought about making a sexual innuendo but thought against it. “Well, good. There’s still some mystery to our relationship then. Come on, Gandalf. Let’s go watch some funny brits.”


	14. ptsd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . /

**.     .     .**

_“I’m gonna buy you some time…”_

_“Stick to the plan!” Tony heard himself shout in the blurry memory._

_An explosion. Gunshots._

_“Yinsen!”_

_“Watch out!”_

_Another explosion. More gunshots. Yinsen on the sandy floor of the cave, bleeding from everywhere. Sweat dripping down Tony’s face as his punctured heart pounded hard in his chest._

_“C-Come on,” Tony stammered weakly. “We… We have to go. Move for me. Come on. We got a plan. We’re gonna stick to it.”_

_Yinsen looking up at him with a glazed expression on his face. “This was always the plan, Stark.”_

_Tony felt like he was on the verge of tears but didn’t let any fall, for Yinsen’s sake. He didn’t want the last thing his unlikely friend to see to be his sad, ugly mug. “Come on. You’re gonna go see your family. Get up.”_

_Yinsen smiled weakly at Tony as more gunshots and yelling rang out and echoed in the cave. Tony feeling like it was going to just cave in on top of them._

_“My family is dead. I’m going to go see them now, Stark… it’s okay. I want this…”_

_Tony finally choking up but cleared his throat to disguise his weakness. Always disguising it. “Thank you for saving me.”_

_More words that were exchanged between the men in Yinsen’s final moments but Tony couldn’t hear them as his anger took over and he went headlong into the explosion and gunfire –_

**_.       .      ._ **

Tony gasped as he shot up and looked around him, sweat matting his black hair to his head, his heart racing. His lungs felt like he was in water and drowning.

He then felt a gentle, but large, shaking hand be placed on his shoulder. “Anthony? I’m right here. You’re okay. You’re safe…”

Tony nodded quickly and tried to focus on breathing but his nightmare was still active in his head. He hated himself for moving away from Stephen, not wanting to be touched right now in his panic. He moved off the couch and crawled onto the floor, gasping harder to try and breathe, tears now rolling down his face, his hands feeling numb.

This wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. He was still in the cave. He had to be. He could still smell the smell of the gunfire and the coppery smell of Yinsen’s blood.

“Y-Yinsen… Yinsen, no… he… he’s here. He has to be here… Where is h-he?” Tony hyperventilated as he sat on the floor.

This was out of Strange’s depth. He looked apologetically at Tony and knelt down in front of him, looking like he wanted to reach out and comfortingly touch the other man but remembered Tony’s reaction moments ago.

“It’s going to be okay. Umm… J-Jarvis? Can… can you alert the others to Anthony’s condition, please? Have one of them come here?”

 _“Of course, Doctor…”_ There was a few moments of silence before the AI’s voice was heard again. _“Someone will be there in approximately eighty-three seconds.”_

“Thanks, Jarvis.” Stephen spoke gratefully as he looked helplessly at Tony. He wanted to help him more than anything but touching him was the only way he knew how to help someone.

It felt like years before he heard hurried footsteps and saw Natasha walking quickly over to them, looking almost hesitantly to Stephen for permission first. He instantly moved away from Tony but still stayed in the room, watching them anxiously.

Natasha gave him a grateful smile before she knelt down in front of the inventor. “Stark? Can you hear me?”

Tony still felt like he was in the cave but he could hear her familiar, raspy voice in the back of his head. “Yeah… Nat.”

She nodded. “Good. Tony, I want you to look at me right now, all right? Can you do that?” When she watched his head tilt upwards, she recognized what was happening with him.

He was having a panic attack but he was also disassociating. She remembered Tony telling her about a night when Pepper had to deal with this but had no idea how to, and speed-dialed Natasha. When she had gotten there, Tony had been curled up in a ball on the floor, sobbing and gasping for breath. It had been so much worse when the two of them had lived together. She felt relief that this morning was not as bad as it had been that particular night. There was a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Good, thank you,” Natasha almost cooed gently, searching his face. “Can you tell me where you think you are, Tony? Do you see anyone you know?”

“Y-Yinsen,” Tony choked out now and gasped again to try to catch his breath. “H-He… he’s d-dead… my fault. I-I killed… I k-killed… him…”

Natasha shook her head now as worry touched her eyes, listening to him gasp for breaths. “He is dead but that wasn’t your fault. He did that to save you, Stark. That was _his_ choice that he made, okay?”

Tony looked hesitant but he nodded.

“Okay, okay. Tony, we need to fix your breathing now, all right? Here’s what I want you to do for me. Inhale through your nose, and then let it out slowly through your mouth. Do you think you can do that?”

He nodded, his eyes no longer looking glazed as he glanced over at Stephen who was watching them nervously from against the wall. “S-Stephen…”

Natasha raised an eyebrow in surprise at his quick recognition and acknowledgement of the ex-surgeon. “Stephen? Do you want him here with you while you breathe?”

Tony nodded now and Stephen Strange quickly knelt down by Tony’s side but looked afraid to touch him. He swallowed hard, unsure what to do.

Natasha imitated the breathing rhythm for Tony that she wanted him to do and smiled softly as he mimicked her. “Good, that’s it. Keep breathing, Stark.” She looked over at Stephen with soft eyes. “When he’s like this, or even just in the middle of a regular panic attack, you shouldn’t touch him. Let _him_ touch you first when he’s comfortable. It’s a mix of disassociation and PTSD so you need to tread lightly,” she whispered to him.

Stephen nodded as he listened carefully. “Okay. I can do that. I’ve seen him have panic attacks before but… not like this. How long do these normally last?”

Natasha glanced over at Tony who was watching them but continuing the breathing practice. She looked back over at Stephen. “It depends. Sometimes the disassociating can last from five minutes to an hour. Most of the time, it won’t go away by itself though. You’ll need to talk to him, reassure him where he’s at, who’s here with him… bring him back to the present.”

Strange nodded, taking mental notes. He suddenly felt a firm, clammy hand enter his own and smiled at Tony who gave a weak smile back. He gently squeezed Tony’s hand in his own before he gently caressed the top of the man’s hand softly.

Natasha smiled. “He’s fine now. If you need me, I’ll just be down the hall.” She quickly caressed Tony’s shoulder reassuringly before she left the room.

Tony looked tired and pale. He sighed shakily and searched Stephen’s face. “C-Can I have some w-water?”

Strange was reluctant to let go of him but forced himself to do so as he stood up and hurried into the kitchen. He grabbed a glass and filled it up quickly before hurrying back over to Tony, holding it out to him.

“Drink up, buttercup.”

Tony smiled and took the glass from him before he thirstily drank it down in one go, setting the glass down when he was finished. He spread his legs forward and leaned against the wall, sighing. “Thank you.”

“I was useless, Stark. I didn’t do anything to help you. I just… stood against the wall, terrified for you, like some hospital intern,” Strange smirked, shaking his head.

Tony chuckled. “You helped. You got Nat in here to help me. You never left the room. You just… being here helped, Strange.”

Stephen smiled and sat down beside him against the wall before he gently wrapped his arms around him, and pulled Tony towards him. The other man didn’t put up a fight and relaxed against his body. The sat there contently for several minutes before Stephen spoke again.

“What happened, in your dream earlier?”

Tony was quiet for a while before he cleared his throat. “I was back in the cave, in Afghanistan, with Yinsen, a good man who helped me build the first Iron Man suit, so I could escape. It was just like I was replaying the whole thing in my head over again, word for word. It felt so… real, you know? I could smell the blood and… taste the sand. It just… felt so real.”

Stephen nodded in understanding and gently caressed Tony’s hair. “But you know what’s going on now? Here? In the present?”

Tony nodded. “You’re here and all my friends are here, and we’re trying to stop Cap from hurting his war buddy. Did I miss anything?”

“Yeah, you missed the part about us being together…” Stephen smirked.

“Oh yeah, how could I forget something like that?”

“I’ll chalk it up to your attack. Lack of oxygen to your brain and all that,” Strange teased.

Tony laughed now but ended up coughing a little.

“You’re lucky I feel too physically exhausted at the moment to hit you, Strange.” He looked at Stephen to see a loving look in his eyes as he leaned down and kissed Stark softly on his lips.

Tony smiled in their kissed and returned it before he saw someone out of the corner of his eyes. A timid man with a mop of dark hair and a five o’clock shadow slowly was walking over towards them.

Tony moved away from Stephen and sat against the wall again, but from the look on his face it was evident the other man didn’t mind the action. Strange wanted Tony to do whatever he wanted as long as he felt comfortable. He wasn’t going to be like Steve Rogers and try to stop him from being his own person. He saw by Bucky’s nervousness what that had done to him.

“Hey, everything all right?” Tony asked him.

Bucky bit his lip and moved his good hand to the back of his head.  “I should be askin’ you that, Stark. I heard Jarvis on the intercom. Are you all right now?”

Tony nodded. “Everything’s okay, kid. Thanks for checking up on me, though. I appreciate it. Maybe it was a good move on my part moving her and Banner out of there when I did?”

Bucky smiled weakly but shrugged. “Don’t get too cocky now. They chose to leave. They saw what Steve did to me. They knew it was a dangerous situation.”

Questions started to rise in Tony’s head that he hadn’t thought before. He chewed on his lower lip, still looking at Bucky.

“If they saw what was going on, why didn’t they do anything to try to stop him from hurting you, Barnes?”

Bucky looked a bit uncomfortable now, making Tony recoil, want to retract his question. Bucky cleared his throat. “I think that they didn’t want to believe what was happening. They didn’t want to think that their friend could be an abusive asshole like that.”

“Denial…” Tony nodded.

“Exactly. I don’t blame them for not stepping in. I think if either Romanoff or Banner stepped in, Barton’s apartment would either be no more or Steve would have seriously hurt her.”

Tony nodded again, figuring that it might be true. “I think Barton’s still in denial about the whole thing.”

It was Barnes’ turn to nod now. “I think so too.”

There was an awkward silence now between them before Tony rubbed his tired eyes and looked again to Barnes. “Do you want to go somewhere for lunch? You, myself, Banner, Strange and Nat?”

Barnes’ face lit up now and he nodded, his lips curved upwards. “Yeah, sure. I’ll go get ready.”

Tony nodded and waited for him to leave before he leaned back against Strange who was looking at him skeptically. “What?”

“Do you really think you’re up for lunch after having a panic attack? You look exhausted, Tony. You should stay here and rest.”

Tony stood up now, swaying slightly as he tried to get his balance back again. “No way. I’m not going to stay here while you and the others have a nice little brunch. I can’t even remember the last time I had brunch. I’m having pancakes and you can’t stop me.”

Stephen was still looking worried but he managed a small laugh. “I wouldn’t try, Anthony.”


	15. bug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . /

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for commenting! It really means a lot to me. Even if it's just questions it makes me think about my story and what direction I want it to go so thank you! xx

**.      .     .**

Tony’s hands were still shaking a bit when he and his friends and fellow teammates grabbed a large booth in the corner of the local Denny’s. He had the fleeting thought of comparing his shaking to Stephen’s but that would just be ridiculous and offensive. He could do that to anyone else that wasn’t his boyfriend but not Strange. Stephen’s shaking was permanent; Tony’s was just temporary after his panic attacks.

“I can’t believe of all the places we can eat in New York City and you pick Denny’s, Tony. No, wait… actually I _can_ believe it,” Bruce smirked up from a menu.

Tony shook his head but was smiling. “Hey, c’mon, Banner. No knocking Denny’s. It’s not just a breakfast place anymore! They have burgers now! There’s plenty of variety for everyone…”

Stephen chuckled from his seat next to Tony. As stubborn as his boyfriend could be, he was grateful for the person Tony was. He had that teenage boy personality still and although a lot of people didn’t find it amusing, Stephen did as long as it was during the appropriate times. He wouldn’t want Tony to change for anything or anyone in the world.

“Yeah, Bruce,” Nat interjected lightheartedly. “Lighten up a bit. They have smoothies. I’m going to get a strawberry one, I think. What about you, James? What are you gonna get?”

Barnes was still looking over the menu, scratching his face with uncertainty. “I’m not sure yet. I’m thinkin’ just a sandwich and a blackberry smoothie.”

“Fantastic. I’m going to get a strawberry banana one,” Tony nodded approvingly. “What about you, Strange? What are you gonna get?”

“Not a smoothie, for one,” he laughed. “I’m not sure yet. Come back to me. I haven’t eaten here since I was a little kid. I don’t have the menu memorized like you, Stark.”

“Fair enough. How about you, Brucey?”

Banner was humming as he looked up and down the menu. “I’ll get a kale smoothie and a chicken club, I think.”

Tony saw Nat grimace in disgust and also did the same. “Kale is for herbivores. Get something with meat on it…”

Bruce looked at him in disbelief with a smirk on his face. “Really? You can’t just tell a person what to get… and anyway, kale smoothies aren’t much different from that nasty smoothie you drank to offset what the old reactor was doing to your body.”

“That was different! That was… a life or death situation! Kale is something you drink every day, not something to help offset something else. I was drinking medicine to help me live. And it was basically like drinking oil anyway, so I guess by that logic, it was exactly like kale.”

Everyone chuckled, shaking their heads and were quiet for a few minutes as they made their final choices for their lunch. When the waitress came over, she took everyone’s order and then waited on Tony patiently, her tiny pad in hand with a pen.

“I thought you knew what you were going to get, Stark…” chuckled Natasha as she waited as well. “Hurry up, the rest of us are starving over here.”

Tony sighed and then looked up at the waitress with playfully flirty eyes. “I’d like a Grand Slam with pancakes, please, with extra bacon. Oh, and a strawberry banana smoothie.”

The waitress smiled and nodded obediently before she went off to serve another table. When she came back with their smoothies, she set them down and disappeared again.

Tony took a sip of his and then saw Strange looking at him pointedly. “What?”

Natasha, Bruce and Barnes all looked up from their smoothies as well and looked over from Tony to Stephen.

“You’re kidding… look at your smoothies. They’re color correspondent with the outfits you wear on missions. Did you not all do that on purpose?” Strange grinned, pointing to their smoothies. “When Bruce hulks out, he’s green, he has kale. Natasha has red hair and wears a red and black outfit, she has strawberry. Tony wears a red and gold suit, he has strawberry banana, and Barnes wears a black outfit, he has blackberry.”

“Oh yeah… look at that,” Natasha chuckled.

“That was a strange coincidence,” Bruce shrugged.

Tony chuckled and shrugged. “Interesting indeed.” He glanced over at Barnes who looked a bit confused but continued to drink his smoothie. He looked back over at Stephen with a smirk. “ _Strange_ indeed…”

Everyone at the table groaned now and seemingly rolled their eyes in unison at Tony’s pun, including Stephen who was also shaking his head.

“I don’t think I can be with a punny man…” He joked, smirking.

“Hey, blame your father. You could’ve had an entirely different, maybe even dare I say, normal last name if he hadn’t married your mom,” Tony teased as he sipped his smoothie.

The others laughed softly, enjoying each other’s’ company just as their plates came and was placed in front of each of them carefully. Their eyes all widened with hunger and they all started to dig in, no longer teasing or joking as they ate hungrily.

They were halfway through their meals when Tony picked up from where he left off earlier, unable to stop himself. He threw a small strawberry from off his pancakes and threw it over to Nat.

“Here, for your smoothie…”

The strawberry hit her square in the nose, causing Barnes to suddenly burst out laughing unexpectedly, which made the others start laughing with him as well.

Natasha was trying to be angry but there was a smile in her eyes. “Cut it out, Asshole Man…” she chided, throwing the strawberry back at him.

“Asshole Man… that could be open to interpretation,” Tony smirked, raising his eyebrows. “Does that mean that I have the power to control assholes or does that have to do with my… ahem… physical abilities?”

Stephen shook his head and laughed, watching Bucky who was nearly dying of laughter now.

Natasha looked at him with playful eyes but a firm face. “No, it means you’re a huge asshole of a person.”

“Oh, okay. So nothing really changes then?”

“No…”

“Okay.” Tony played along, nodding playfully, smirking.

“Here, Tony, try some kale,” Bruce suddenly spoke, flicking kale smoothie at Tony’s hair and successfully getting some stuck in it. “You might like it…”

Nat cracked a smile now at Tony’s wide-eyed reaction as he instantly grabbed a napkin and tried to get it out of his hair.

Stephen Strange cleared his throat now and looked serious. “Come on, guys. We don’t want to be kicked out of here. You need to act less like children and more like superheroes.”

“What about Peter Parker, who is, in fact, both?” Tony asked curiously.

“Well, he’s the exception. He’s still in high school.”

Barnes was snorting in laughter, his face red from laughing uncontrollably. Tony chuckled now, watching him with partial concern.

“Oh man, it’s the point of no return. Poor kid.”

The others smiled and chuckled as they watched Barnes laugh more than they had ever seen him laugh before since meeting him. Tony felt grateful that they could help make him feel some joy from the misery he had endured in his lifetime.

They felt like all of them were unstoppable in this moment until Tony noticed two familiar faces come inside dressed in their civilian clothes. He felt his heart sink into his stomach uncomfortably and he almost instinctively tensed up and moved closer towards Stephen who glanced over at him.

“Anthony, what’s wrong?” He asked softly.

Natasha heard Stephen’s worried tone from across the table and straightened up before she started looking around and saw what caused Tony’s anxiety. She gently hit Barnes’ arm and then motioned her head over to the door when he looked over at her.

He wiped away the tears from his face and was trying to serious up but he was still suffering from his previous bouts of laughter. He coughed and cleared his throat. He looked down at the table as Steve Rogers and Clint Barton started walking over and stopped at their table.

“Keep walking, Cap,” Tony dared to speak, no doubt feeling overconfident with Strange right there.

Steve glanced over at him before he looked at Barnes. “Bucky,” he acknowledged with a tinge of desperation in his voice.

“Steve,” the Winter Soldier acknowledged back, monotone.

“Please, don’t stop laughing on my account,” he encouraged almost challengingly. “What was so funny?”

Everyone looked at each other before Nat decided to speak up before Strange was about to. “Inside joke. You and Clint decided to come here for brunch? Small world. Almost as if you knew we were going to be here.”

Steve stiffened and exhaled with a clenched jaw. “There’s no restraining order on me yet. I’m allowed to eat where I want to.”

Strange never took his eyes off of Steve Rogers as he hovered over their table. Bucky’s eyes had never left the table.

Natasha looked over at Clint who was near their table, the waitress already left to go check on another table, obviously in an attempt to stay out of this confrontation. He was looking conflicted though as he watched Steve almost cautiously.

“Come on, man. Let’s look at the menu. I’m starving…”

Steve nodded, still looking at Bucky before he reluctantly stood back up and walked over to the table a few spaces down from where the rest of the Avengers sat in their booth.

Everyone appeared to take a collective exhale of relief as soon as Steve’s presence from their table was gone. Stephen wrapped his arm around Tony and leaned in to kiss his temple lovingly.

“I don’t think I’m hungry anymore,” Bucky replied, no longer laughing but a solemn look on his face.

“I know the feeling,” Bruce admitted, nodding.

Tony pushed his half-eaten plate away from him. Goddamn it; all he had wanted was to have a nice, conflict-free morning with no Rogers and he had gotten the exact opposite. What were the fucking odds that he had decided to come from Brooklyn to this particular Denny’s?

“Come on, I’ll pay. I just want to get out of here…” Tony spoke softly, standing up to get out.

The others nodded, no one disagreeing as they also got out of the booth. Tony laid down a $50 and told the person at the cash register that he didn’t need any change back.

“Oh, come on, guys!” they heard Clint’s voice from across the room. “Come back! You don’t need to leave.”

Stephen Strange led them out of the restaurant and ran a hand through his hair. Once they were outside, they started to walk to Tony’s supped up SUV that he basically just drove when he was trying to stay incognito, the windows tinted so no one could see in.

“That couldn’t have been a coincidence that he chose to go to that Denny’s,” Tony spoke his concerns aloud.

“Definitely not,” Bruce agreed.

“How could he had known we’d be there at that time, though?” Natasha asked.

Tony scoffed. “Well, how do we normally find out where a person is at any given time besides Jarvis and Pepper?”

“Bugs,” Bucky answered instantly, his hands in his pockets. “He must have placed them on the car to track us.”

When they arrived at the SUV, they all exchanged expressions before they knelt down on the ground and started to look for any tracking devices.

After a few minutes of looking around the outside of the SUV as well as underneath the vehicle, they stood up, wiping their foreheads with their sleeves. Tony opened the backseat door and crawled inside as he moved the seat back and then forward and folded it down a bit.

“A-ha! Found it,” he said as saw the black part of it sticking out from the lower part of the seat. He unattached it and lifted it in the air before he moved over to where everyone else was standing and held it up. “Son of a bitch. Where did that prick learn how to bug people from?”

Bruce raised his eyebrows and shrugged at Tony obviously. “He _was_ in a war and they did have spy stuff back then, Tony…”

“Either that or he learned about them from Clint. I wouldn’t put it past him to have kept some from past missions,” Nat offered helpfully.

Tony pocketed the metal bug and sighed before he looked around for more. When he didn’t find any, he finally got back into his driver’s seat and waited for the others buckle up too. “Either way, he’s still a son of a bitch. Why? Why bug us besides to know where we’re going?”

“What? That not enough for you?” Bruce replied moodily.

“It’s enough, but… it doesn’t do him much good to know our location. He’s not going to hurt Barnes while we’re right there.”  He started up the car and then began driving back to the Tower.

Nat watched Tony from the seat behind him. “Easy, it’s a bug that also has a mic in it. He wanted to hear what we’re saying about him, probably. Why did you keep it, Stark? He’ll still be able to hear us.”

Tony put on his turn signal. “Good. Then he’ll know how much of _scheming fuck_ he is,” Tony emphasized a bit louder than the rest of the sentence purposefully. “Anyway, I want to have the satisfaction of dropping it into a highly reactive substance and watch it burn up. I figured Bruce can help me with that.”

He felt some satisfaction when he saw Bucky chuckling from the backseat beside Bruce and Natasha. He smirked to himself but knew that this was still a problem.

“Anthony,” Stephen started to chide from the passenger seat.

Tony sighed. “Are you not on our side in this anymore? This is ridiculous. Come on, he’s bugging us, both literally and figuratively. Can you blame me for feeling like I am?”

“I’m not blaming you for how you’re feeling, Stark, but… I think he just wants to talk to his friend again. You told him that he couldn’t call you to hang out with Barnes, so… he did the only thing he thought of, and it worked,” Strange stated simply.

Tony swallowed hard, hating the feeling in his chest. He didn’t speak for several minutes as they sat stagnant in traffic. Everyone noticed Tony’s sudden silence but no one said anything for a few more minutes until Stephen spoke again.

“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”

Tony tongued his cheek and sighed heavily before he glanced over at the other man. “Well, _doc,_ I’m thinking that you’re against us. Against me. I’m trying to protect my friend back there, and you actively want to put him in danger.”

“I’m not against anyone here. I’m on your side, Tony… always, but… I’m looking at this from a logical standpoint, non-biased. As long as any one of us are in the room, he’s not going to hurt James. He just wants to _talk_ to him. Think about it, Anthony, they’ve been together for about 80 years now, frozen in ice for a good chunk of that but they’re still friends. They’ve still technically known each other for a hell of a lot longer than any of us have. History doesn’t die.”

“Well, I wish Cap would,” Tony spoke without thinking.

The car became dead silent once again. The only sound Tony could hear was his own heartbeat in his head, realizing the words he had just said. He sighed to himself and moved up a little as traffic started to move again.

“You don’t mean that,” Nat almost whispered. It was evident that she was trying to keep her voice even but there was an odd firmness to it as well.

Tony was quiet for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he had meant it. He rubbed his temple, one hand on the wheel as he looked straight ahead.

“I think the guy has issues and his own shitty past, just like me, just like the rest of us. I think something happened during our war with each other that made something snap in him and that’s why he’s acting like this. I just wish he’d lay off, or… at least lay off of Barnes. That’s all,” Tony attempted to reassure them before also adding as an afterthought, “and no. I didn’t mean it when I said I wanted him to die.”

“We’re still a team, and we’re still family,” Natasha spoke softly. “We need to smooth things over with him.”

Tony knew she was right. Talking about a peace treaty between Steve and him wasn’t enough; they needed to try to get along, but how did one do that when there was abuse going on as well? He was tired of walking on eggshells around Rogers.

Tony was quiet again until they finally arrived back at their Tower and walked over to where Strange and Bruce were. “Ready to destroy a bug?”

There was a soft notification chime and Strange looked at his phone before he looked apologetically at Tony. “I have to go take care of something, Anthony. I’ll come back afterwards though, okay?”

Stark couldn’t deny the disappointment he felt but knew that such was life as a superhero. He nodded. “Yeah, go do your thing, Strange.”

“Be back as soon as I can,” he promised before he kissed Tony's lips quickly and then opened up a dimensional portal and walked through it.

Tony watched as it vanished behind him and then looked at Bruce. “Guess it’s just you and me, Banner.”

Bruce chuckled and smirked. “Just like old times.”


	16. talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . /

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not really feeling great about the chapter and I know it's short but the next one will be longer. Also, thank you to everyone who has commented to the previous chapter! Means a lot to me :)

**.      .      .**

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet for doing something that would normally thrill you,” Bruce smirked as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

Tony saw him do this and decided to use it to his advantage. “What’s wrong? Still having trouble sleeping? What do you do when the rest of us are asleep, do you just go for a run or something or do you watch TV until the sun comes up?” He asked in his usual tone of voice that he reserved for deflecting uncomfortable questions. Unfortunately, Bruce could see right through him.

“Tony,” he replied, disapprovingly, knowing Tony’s tricks too well. “Come on, spit it out. What’s on your mind?”

The inventor watched the bug disintegrating in the acid Bruce had poured into a vial but he was still lost in his thoughts before he shook his head. “I don’t want to play nice with Rogers. I just want to be as far away from him as humanly possible…”

Bruce started to clean up his lab a bit, glancing over at Tony as he did so. “You don’t need to be afraid of him hurting you or anything, you know? We’re all here with you. We wouldn’t let him do that. We’re on your side in this.”

Tony shook his head. “I’m not afraid of him, Bruce. I’m… I’m just...” he trailed off and sighed in frustration to himself before he finally continued after several moments. “I’m afraid of what I might do to _him_ if I have the opportunity. Since I found out what Barnes did to my parents, I just felt so much goddamn anger, but… here’s the fucked up thing; I don’t feel angry at Barnes. I don’t feel angry at the man who actually murdered my parents, because that would make too much sense.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow and looked at Tony with curiosity. “You’re angry at Steve,” he said in realization. He looked like he was thinking now but his face didn’t register an answer to any of the questions that were obviously being raised in his own head. “Why? I mean, is it over the Registration Act thing still?”

Stark shook his head and bit his lip before he swallowed hard, running his hand through his dark hair. “No, I’m past that anger towards him about that. It’s… the fact that when I saw that video of Barnes and my parents and then, I looked over at Steve and… he didn’t even look surprised. He _knew_ what Barnes had done and… and he didn’t even tell me. This happened in 1991, right? I was 21 years old, and inherited my father’s company. I didn’t want anything to do with it at the time so that’s when I hired Pepper. I put all the workload on her so I could party hardy and act like a 21-year-old boy normally acted like. Fast forward to 2012, when Loki happened to New York City. I get we were busy, but I feel like there had to be _some_ point where Cap could have pulled me aside and talked to me about what really happened to my parents back in ’91.”

Bruce looked like he was trying to process all of this, silent for a long while until he caught up to Tony’s train of thinking and where he was going with this. “So… you’re angry at Steve because he didn’t tell you about Bucky and your parents sooner. What do you think you would’ve done if he had? We had a lot on our plate at that time. Between handling Loki and the Chitauri, and going at each other’s throats, I don’t know, Tony. I just… I doubt you would have even had time for anything if Steve had told you.”

Tony leaned against the lab table and shrugged. “Maybe. Don’t you think it at least would have been better for me to find out from a friend than from Zemo?”

“Yeah, of course it would’ve. I’m not denying that, Tony. I agree that he should have told you sooner, before your war. Maybe he was afraid of your reaction if he told you,” Bruce suggested as he walked over to his friend.

“He’s all supped up. What does he have to be afraid of? Without my suit, I’m nothing. I’m barely a superhero. He can do more damage to me with one hand than I can him with my suit.”

Bruce shook his head. “Not everything is physical, Tony. I’m sure he was afraid of the emotional damage he would have done to you too.”

“Oh, so you think he was trying to, what, look out for my feelings? Cap is as cold as the ice he was put in 75 years ago,” Tony declared, tired of feeling like a one man team. He sighed, afraid of starting a fight with one of his best friends right now. “I should… go lay down. See you later, Brucey.”

Bruce looked taken back and disappointed but he just nodded as Tony walked out of his lab. Pretty much everyone had made a point of letting Tony know what a selfish person he was being, even Stephen. Obviously they must have had a point if they all had told him similar things. He had to do something before _he_ became the reason for another War.

Instead of going to his room, he decided to take out his own aggression on the dummy in the boxing ring downstairs. He got changed into a black wife beater and shorts and took the elevator down. He was surprised to see Bucky in there as well, beating the dummy himself with his good hand.

“Pretending that dummy is me, Terminator?” he half joked as he walked over towards him, setting down his water bottle in the ring on the floor.

“Should I be?” Barnes asked, glancing over at him with a smirk.

“I don’t know. Everyone else is against me. Why not you too?”

Bucky turned around now and grabbed his own water bottle before taking a long drink out of it, staring at Tony. “Even I’m not a big fan of talkin’ to Steve but I can see everyone’s point too. I think you should talk to him, Stark. Declare a cease fire.”

A cease fire was the last thing he wanted to do with Steve, but it also wasn’t as if he could just punch the shit out of him either; he simply wasn’t strong enough. Maybe if the guy didn’t fight back, he’d have a chance but he couldn’t see Steve letting him do that. Tony hadn’t been lying when he had told Steve how sometimes he wanted to punch him in his perfect teeth.

Tony searched Bucky’s face. “How can you say that? How are… fine with Steve just… getting away with hurting you? Everything hurtful he said to you? Just, how do you get over it so fast? I can’t do that.”

“I’m not fine, Stark. Trust me; it’s everythin’ I can do to not Winter Soldier out every time I have to deal with Steve’s bullshit. It takes a lot of energy outta me,” Barnes admitted, wiping sweat off his face with a towel. “I have to take a deep breath and remind myself it would just cause more problems getting into it with him than it would just to accept it and move on.”

Tony swallowed hard, feeling anxious at the thought of Bucky accepting Steve’s abuse than fighting back. He wondered if he would do the same thing in his position. He’d probably have no choice.

“When Strange and I went to Barton’s apartment to talk to Steve, he was pretty chill about staying away from you. It was probably just passive aggressiveness but… he didn’t fight it all that much,”

Bucky stayed quiet as he listened to Tony, able to tell by his voice that he wasn’t done talking. He wanted Tony to be able to open up as much as possible just because it beat holding everything inside and then imploding like Tony was prone to do.

“I was thinking of calling up S.H.I.E.L.D. and seeing if they could give Steve busy work. That way, he’ll still be useful and help people, and he’ll also be out of our hair. What do you think?”

“Well,” Barnes began, looking at Tony skeptically. “I think you’re pretty damn good at doing everything except what your friends want you to do. You’re the head of the Avengers so you ultimately get to decide what to do but… I think you should be listening to us right now, Stark.”

Tony nodded, afraid that his friend was going to tell him that. “It’s a temporary solution to a permanent problem, type of thing. Sending him on busy work, I mean.”

Bucky nodded. “I think it is, yeah. I mean, it’ll keep him away for a while but… he’ll realize what you did and then just come back and try again. Grow a pair and talk to the guy.”

Tony half smirked. “I should be saying that to you. You’re the one he seems to really want to talk to right now.”

Barnes shifted uncomfortably. “We’ll both go see him, then.” He studied Tony carefully, watching his reaction.

Tony felt a sharp pain in his chest at the thought but he knew that this had to be done. He nodded reluctantly. “Fine, all right. We’ll go together, over to Barton’s tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” Bucky repeated. “Do you think we should take anyone else with us?”

Tony nodded. “If he’s able, I’ll take Strange with us. I’m sure he’ll come if I ask him. He wants me to talk to him and to let you talk to him too.”

“Great. Now let’s quit talkin’ and start boxin’,” Bucky smirked as he started to hop around in the ring, facing Tony.

He got his gloves on now and shook his head, smirking back. “Oh you’re in for it now, RoboCop.”

 


	17. panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so this is somewhat longer and I did it to try and make up for the shortness of the last chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

**.        .      .**

Tony Stark stood outside of Barton’s apartment door, Bucky standing next to him and Natasha standing behind them.

He had tried getting a hold of Stephen but he didn’t even answer Tony’s calls or texts. It was dead air. Instead, Tony had to resort to asking Natasha, who, of course said she would go with them. The more Tony thought about it, the more he decidedly didn’t regret asking her; it was true he could have also asked Bruce Banner but he also didn’t want Clint’s entire place destroyed in case things got out of hand.

“Thanks again for comin’ with us,” Bucky spoke quietly, glancing over at her.

She smiled gently, her eyes soft. “It was no problem, Barnes. I’m glad I was asked to come.”

“You sure you’ll be able to handle things if Rogers gets tough?” Tony asked worriedly.

She scoffed. “Please, he may be a super soldier but he’s still human. Don’t worry, Stark; I can tase him if things get too heated.”

“Reassuring,” Bucky remarked before sighing heavily.

Goddamn did Tony wish his Stephen was here with him right now. It was all he could do not to turn tail and run out of the building. His chest felt so tight and his lungs felt like they had been pinpricked and air was slowly running out of them. This was not the right place to be panicking right now, though.

He raised his fist to knock on the door but he froze and then tensed up. He felt grateful though when he heard Natasha’s comforting voice.

She leaned past Tony and knocked on the door three times gently before giving Tony a gentle smile. “Hey, it’ll be all right, Stark. I won’t let him hurt you or Barnes, okay? Promise.”

Tony nodded appreciatively and swallowed back the lump he felt in his throat, feeling more grateful for her kind words than he could ever say aloud. He wouldn’t stoop so low also to say he felt demasculinized with her talking about protecting him, because that wasn’t the case at all. He was glad that at least _someone_ could be there for him in Stephen’s place. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle this by himself if it had just been himself and Barnes. He felt particularly close to Natasha and he knew that she could feel their closeness as well. He felt like they were on equal ground with each other.

Footsteps could be heard from inside and then muffled talking before the door opened and Steve’s eyes fell on Barnes. He moved aside, opening the door wider. “Come on in, guys.”

The three of them walked inside, Tony lagging behind Natasha. Perhaps lagging was too kind of a word; hiding would have been a better one.

“Thanks for seeing us on such short notice,” Natasha spoke up, her tone friendly.

Steve’s eyes now fell upon Tony who looked like he was trying to not look like he didn’t want to be here. “Yeah, no problem. Thanks… for bringing him here with you,” he replied, looking at Tony as he nodded over to Bucky.

Tony finally forced himself to talk. “Yeah, well… I figured it would help get the conversation rolling between us. You can talk to him or whatever you want to do, but I’d like the two of us to talk first, if that’s all right with you, Cap.”

Natasha exchanged an apprehensive look with Tony now, shaking her head. As Tony spoke to Steve, he felt his courage coming back to him. He looked over at her.

“It’s fine, Nat. You and Barnes go find Barton and hang out for a bit. I’ll be okay here.”

She knitted her eyebrows in concern and confusion. “Tony…”

“It’s okay, Nat,” he nodded, feeling oddly sure of himself right now, perhaps even a bit cocky.

She didn’t like he was doing this, Tony could tell. She gave him an impatient look now and then looked over at Steve before looking back at Tony again. “Yell if you need anything.”

Stark nodded in understanding and then watched as Natasha gently nudged Barnes out of the room, leaving Tony along with Steve. The two men stood awkwardly in the small hallway before Steve cleared his throat.

“Are you thirsty or anything, Stark? Want a beer or water or something?”

“A beer sounds good right now, actually,” Tony agreed, nodding. He followed Steve into the tiny open kitchen and watched the other man took a beer out from the fridge and held it out to him.

As Tony took it and cracked it open, Steve was looking almost as nervous as Tony. He took a beer out for himself as well and took a long pull from it before he leaned against the counter uneasily and rested it in front of his arm, looking at Stark.

“What do you want to talk about?” He asked neutrally. “We already had our peace talks.”

Tony again wished that Stephen was there with him; right about now, he would be offering explanations as to why they were there instead of leaving Tony hang there in limbo. He ran a hand through his hair with his free hand before taking another drink, and then taking a deep breath.

“I… think we need to talk about the deeper stuff, Rogers. The underlying causes of our complication relationship, and all that.”

Steve shifted his weight, looking visibly uncomfortable now. “Go on. I’m listening.”

_Fuck. Why was this so hard for him? Steve wasn’t giving him anything. He needed support._

It was right about now when he was regretting having sent Natasha away. She might have helped Tony along.

Tony rubbed his chest, feeling his anxiety increasing much too quickly now. _Not here. Not now._  “I… I want to know why.”

Steve cocked his head. “Why? Why what?”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about my parents? You had every opportunity since the Avengers became a thing. You could have told me at any time before we all had our Battle Royale, but you chose not to,” Tony spoke with frustration in his voice.

“That’s not fair, Tony,” Steve replied. “It’s not that black and white.”

“It’s not fair? No, do you know what isn’t fair, Rogers?” Tony set his beer down on the counter and walked towards Steve, an edge to his voice now. “It’s not fair that my parents died the same year I turned 21 and I had to become the CEO of a major company that I wasn’t even remotely prepared to run. My parents died _way_ before they should have.”

“Sounds like you need to be angry at Bucky about that, Stark. I’m not the one that killed them; you know that,” Steve shrugged, shaking his head helplessly.

Tony clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. “You might as well have been the one. I still felt the same sense of betrayal and rage just knowing that you knew about it _way_ before I did, how they really died. Why? Why didn’t you tell me about it the whole time we were on missions?”

“You know that wouldn’t have been logistically possible. Telling you about it on missions would have just put each other in more danger. None of us can afford to be distracted,” Steve insisted.

Tony knew he was tiptoeing around the issue and that was the most frustrating of all.  He swallowed hard. “That’s not the point, Cap. I mean…  I trusted you on missions. I trusted you with my life and you’ve just been keeping this big fucking secret from me this whole time! How can you do that? I thought I was the sociopath in this group but it turns out that it’s Captain America himself.”

He felt his heart drop into his stomach and felt pure, unadulterated panic when he saw Steve straighten up and walk towards him, not stopping until he made Tony back into the wall. Steve put a hand over the top of Tony’s arc-reactor that was partially seen through his dark shirt.

He still looked up at Steve with determined eyes but he knew fear was written all over his face. He wasn’t going to let himself have an anxiety attack in front of Steve right now, not when Tony was trying to make a point.

“Do you think it’s been easy not being able to tell you about your parents, Tony? I was good friends with Howard. I think he admired me more than anything but we were still on good terms. I was devastated when I found out.  I found the newspaper headline about the accident and after I saw Bucky, I put two and two together. I asked him about it when it was safe, and he confirmed everything I thought. It hasn’t been easy for me either, Stark,” Steve spoke, his voice abnormally cool.

Tony closed his eyes, feeling tears well in his eyes at the panic he was feeling but _goddamn it_ he was going to ignore it until he talked this out with Steve. “I… I don’t want to feel this anger anymore. It’s eating me up alive, Rogers. I’m so… so tired. I just… hate you so much sometimes when I think about you knowing. I-I still hate that you never told me…”

Steve was looking taken aback as he examined Tony’s face, hearing the quake in his voice. He took his hand off of his chest now, as if the arc-reactor had burned Steve. “I’m sorry, Tony. I really mean it. There’s been so many times I wanted to tell you about it but I knew no matter how I spun it, you were going to be upset and take it out on me, and I didn’t want you to get hurt. I just… there was no easy way to talk about it. There’s just not.”

Stark could understand his point, hell, maybe even respect it, but he still felt betrayed. He wasn’t sure how to get that knife out of his back. He could only imagine how he looked right now though; eyes closed, feeling himself start to overheat as his was beginning to hyperventilate, his mind spinning.

He just had to get through this part and then he could hide himself away.

“Y-You were my friend, Rogers. You were m-my friend and I… I-I trusted… you. How could you keep that f-from me?”

Steve sighed in defeat and just watched Tony carefully. Unbeknownst to Tony, Steve’s face had gone from firm and serious to concern. He could see tears starting to stream down the other man’s face involuntarily and he could hear his gasps.

He gently placed his hands on Tony’s arms to stabilize him from falling to the floor, seeing his knees going weak as Tony suddenly let himself fall apart into his anxiety attack. “Hey, hey. Do you want me to go get Natasha?”

Tony nodded but then thought about the idea of Steve alone with Bucky ( _okay maybe not completely alone but Clint was just about in the same boat as Tony strength wise against Steve_ ) and that just made him begin to panic even more, his gasps growing more painful as he struggled to breathe, his chest hurting even more.  He gripped onto Steve’s arms as he finally slowly slid against the wall onto the floor.

Steve looked almost panicked himself now. When Tony opened his eyes he saw genuine worry on his face. “I’m here, Tony. You’re okay… Nat!” Steve yelled for their friend now. “NATASHA!”

It was only fifteen seconds later when she ran into the room, followed not far behind by Clint and Barnes as well.

_Great, now everyone can watch him in his most vulnerable state._

“Stark?” She glanced over at Steve and gave him a look before looked back over at Tony, kneeling down in front of him but not touching him. “Look at me, Tony. You’re having an attack. You know what you need to do; you’ve done this a million times before, right? You need to breathe…”

She unnecessarily demonstrated for him, most likely just to prove that she wasn’t upset at him and she knew to be patient. Watching her made him nod and attempt to repeat her actions but it still came out shaky and uneven. He coughed and looked down, shaking his head.

“Let me see your phone for a minute, okay?” Tony quickly took his phone out of his pocket and practically threw it towards her before he wrapped his arms around his body. She carefully picked it up and looked back at Clint and Bucky, snapping her fingers before motioning for them to kneel over to where she was as she looked back at Tony.

She gently placed a hand on his shoulder now. “Tony, listen to me, okay? This is going to pass but I’m going to try and get Strange over here. Clint and James are going to stay here with you for now though. I’ll be right back. Keep breathing, Tony… you’re doing so good,” she said almost proudly before she stood up with Tony’s phone and walked out of the room to dial Stephen Strange’s number.

He hugged himself tighter, trying to self-comfort himself, still hyperventilating.

Bucky neared Tony, Clint right behind him. He cleared his throat, obviously feeling uncomfortable with this himself as Steve stood there, frozen. He looked up at Rogers, seemingly giving him the silent permission he needed to leave the room.

Steve motioned for Clint to follow him and disappeared from the room but Clint was looking sympathetically at Tony as he stood up.

“Hey, hang in there, Stark…” he tried to comfort feebly, but also in a well-meaningfully way.

“Tony,” Bucky spoke softly now. “You’re not doin’ yourself any favors by havin’ your arms around yourself like that. You’re crushing your own lungs. He reached out to touch Tony’s arms. “I’m goin’ to move them away from you. Is that okay?”

Tony nodded, still trying to catch his breath, no longer bothering with the breathing exercises. He felt bad enough now that Steve had seen him like this, so weak. So pathetic.

Bucky carefully pulled Tony’s arms away from his body so his lungs weren’t so tight anymore. He chewed on his bottom lip, nervously. “You need to breathe, Stark. Air in, air out… come on. The sooner you do that, the sooner we can leave, right?”

Stark listened to Bucky’s words and nodded but his head felt so dizzy right now. He leaned back against the wall and looked up, sweat matting his forehead. He just wanted Stephen right now. The room felt like it was getting smaller, along with his lungs. And fuck, did his chest hurt like hell. It felt like a heart attack but he knew better. He felt like he might pass out at any time. This had to be his worst attack to date.

“C’mon Stark; stop being stubborn now. You need to do what Nat said. In and out… you don’t want to pass out here with Steve and Barton.”

Natasha hurried back into the room and knelt down back beside him. “He’s on his way, Tony. Just keep breathing.”

“That’s the problem, he’s not doin’ it, Natasha. We should get him to a hospital or somethin’.”

She shook her head and then stood up before she grabbed a paper towel and wet it with cool water. “He doesn’t need a hospital for a panic attack. He’ll be fine. We just need him to keep talking and keep him awake,”

She moved back over to Tony and started to gentle dab his forehead with the cold towel. “You need to do what you’ve done before. If you don’t, you’re going to pass out from lack of oxygen to your brain.”

Barnes started to pace nervously, hating being so helplessly and seeing his friend in such a state.

Tony shook his head. “T-Too much… can’t… I just… I can’t….”

“Okay, shhh….” Natasha continued to dab his forehead when she saw sparks out of the corner of her eye and saw Strange coming out of a dimensional portal before watching it close behind him.

“S-Strange…”

Stephen was looking wide-eyed and pale, fresh cuts marking his face as blood made thin trails down his temples. He hurriedly walked over to Tony and knelt down in front of him, taking the paper towel from Nat as he looked up at her gratefully.

“Thank you, Natasha. I can take it from here if you want to go keep an eye on Steve?”

She shook her head and sighed, wetting another paper towel before dabbing it on the side of Stephen’s temples. “You’re bleeding… are you hurt anywhere else?”

It was when Stephen went to lean over towards Tony when Natasha saw blood coming through his shirt.

“Oh my god… you shouldn’t have come here, Stephen. You need to go to the hospital,” she reprimanded him.

He shook his head. “It’s superficial. I’ll survive. I just want to get Tony calmed down first and then get him back to the Tower. Then I’ll take care of myself.”

She took a shaky breath now but nodded before she walked out of the room to give them some privacy, Bucky deciding to go with her.

“Tony, listen to me. I’m going to take you upstairs to the roof so you can get some fresh air, okay?” When Stark nodded, he scooped the smaller man up into his arms and then walked calmly up to the roof and outside, propping the door open. He moved them over to a place where they could sit and he made Tony face him.

“Okay, we’re going to breathe together now… all right? Inhale through your nose,” he prompted, taking a sharp inhale through his own nose in demonstration, “and then exhale through your mouth slowly.” He exhaled but it was shaky.

Tony followed his command, doing what he was told but didn’t miss the fact that his boyfriend was hurt. “H-How bad…?” he stammered out, inhaling and exhaling slowly once again.

Stephen shook his head in dismissal. “They’re superficial injuries. Really, I’m fine. I just want to focus on you right now. I’m not going to bleed out or anything.”

Stark breathed in and out again before speaking. “S-Show me.”

“If I show you, will you stop mother-hening?” Stephen asked shortly.

Tony withdrew from him a little bit, surprised at Strange’s change in demeanor, but he nodded. The other man sighed and lifted up his shirt to show indeed a superficial cut but it would still need stitches. It looked as if it was from the edge of a blade. The thought of it made Tony’s stomach churn but he continued to do the breathing exercises as he promised.

They sat together for about fifteen minutes as Tony began to finally catch his breath, the oxygen starting to reach his entire body once again. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and still felt a bit lightheaded and drained, but otherwise normal again.

He looked at Stephen who sat there, tense and distant.  Something was going on with him and he didn’t want to make it worse by getting on his case about him not being there here earlier when he needed him.

“Come on, we need to go back to t-the Tower for you. We gotta patch you up.”

Stephen didn’t argue as they went back downstairs to Clint’s apartment. When they walked in, no one was to be seen.

They moved deeper into the apartment and saw Steve and Bucky sitting in the spare room, just talking in hushed voices. Natasha and Clint stood side by side, watching them from the doorway when Nat glanced behind her and moved over to where Tony and Stephen were.

“Hey, feeling better?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, thanks, Nat. I’m going to take him back to the Tower to stitch him up. Are you and Barnes ready to come too?”

She glanced back in the bedroom and then looked back at Tony. “They’re having their talk that they need to have. I’ll stay here though with Barnes and make sure he get back okay. You guys go.”

Stark nodded and gave her a small smile. “Okay. Be careful, Romanoff.”

“Always am.”

Stephen reopened the portal again before helping himself and Tony into it, holding onto the other man before he opened another one that led into Tony’s garage/lab.

Tony quickly emptied off the reclining chair that he had claimed for himself when he had Pepper help him take out the old arc and put a new one inside his chest. He grabbed rubbing alcohol, thread, a needle and gauze before moving back over to Stephen who had his hands out.

“You can do the alcohol if you want on me but give me the thread and needle.”

Tony started to instantly shake his head at him. “No, no way. You’re not performing self-surgery on yourself. I’ll do it. I know how to stitch up a wound like that.”

“Damn it, Stark, let me do it! It’s not serious! Just give me a mirror so I can stitch…”

Tony felt hurt by the man’s yelling, simultaneously also feeling his own anger. “Fine! Fine, you can just… do it yourself then!” He grabbed an overhead mirror that had a light built into it before walking back over to where Strange was.

He grabbed a clean rag and put the rubbing alcohol against it before he placed it on top of Stephen’s wound without warning.

Strange groaned loudly in pain and flinched as Tony thread the needle and handed it to him. He looked over at Tony. “W-We’ll talk after this i-is over…”

Tony wasn’t sure if that was a threat or just a benign promise but either way, he was glad that Stephen had been the one to say that. They would talk all right.


	18. last resort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> . / . / . /

**.      .     .**

Tony watched on as Strange shakenly stitched himself up. Several times Tony had offered to intervene but the other man was stubbornly persistent about doing it himself. He felt warm tears in his eyes as he watched Stephen finally collapse onto his back once he had finished.

Even with his trembling hands, Stephen Strange could at least stitch himself up, albeit it wasn’t very clean looking. Tony had hated seeing the pain on his face the entire time but he still held the mirror as steady as he could.

Now, he set the mirror down and sat down beside Stephen before he placed clean gauze on top of a thick layer of antiseptic ointment and taped it up for him. He did this in silence, unsure if he was hurt or angry about Stephen not showing up earlier or about him yelling at him to let him do it. Maybe both.

“I’m sorry,” Strange finally spoke, in a near whisper as he looked up at the ceiling.

Tony cleared his throat and looked down at him wearily. “For what?”

Stephen finally met Tony’s eyes. “For everything. I… I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier. I was just… in shock, I guess.”

Tony swallowed hard, fighting hard to stop himself from scolding him. He searched his face. “In shock about what? What the hell happened?”

Strange was quiet for a long time before he took Tony’s hand in his own trembling one. “I saw…. a whole world just… become obliterated, Anthony. Mass genocide, and… I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. I was by himself and I was trying to rewind things and it wasn’t working. I was panicking a-and… and I had to get out of there before I died too. I watched a whole nation just… die in hellfire.”

Tony swallowed back his own anger although he was still feeling selfish. He sighed solemnly at Strange’s words and looked down at their hands. “It happens. It’s just… a side effect of what we do. We can’t always save them all, and there’s sacrifices.”

Stephen’s face hardened and hurt touched his eyes before he shook his head. “That’s cold, Tony. That’s really goddamn cold of you.”

“It’s cold but it’s the truth, Strange. You can’t save everyone, as much as you want to! I know from experience. In every battle, there are _always_ causalities, always. It’s how it is. You’re still new to this whole superhero thing but the Avengers have been fighting the battles for years. It never gets easier.”

Stephen sighed heavily and it was now Tony saw tears in the man’s eyes. “I should’ve done more.”

“No,” Tony said instantly now, perhaps even a bit coldly.

“What?”

“No,” he repeated. “There was nothing else you could have done, not without killing yourself too and even then, it would still have had the same outcome. You can try and do what you can but… it doesn’t always have a happy ending, nine times out of ten.”

Stephen shook his head in disbelief now and released his hand from Tony’s. “How can you talk like that? How can you spew that bullshit and actually believe it?”

Tony took a step back and looked at Stephen, seeing the hurt on his face and in his eyes, but feeling his own. It was everything he could do to not start screaming at him.

“I can talk like that and say those things because I believe them, with my whole heart. I was like you, in the beginning; I didn’t want to believe that I couldn’t save everyone, that I couldn’t always do _more._ The longer you’re in this game, though, the more you see, and the more that you start believing that you may just actually be human,” Tony answered simply.

The ex-surgeon groaned inwardly as he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes as he rubbed them away of tears. Like Tony, the thinking was the same: _god forbid if either man were to show weakness or vulnerability._

Fuck, they were so much alike. Maybe even too much.

“What good is being human if you can’t help people?” Stephen complained, still laying on his back.

Tony recognized Stephen’s grief. He saw it in himself in the first years of being Iron Man. It seemed like there were always more causalities than the saved, and it depressed the hell out of Tony. It made him feel so low, made him come up with a solution, i.e. Ultron, and it was partially the reason for his panic attacks.

It consumed him, more than anything. He knew the feeling and because of it, he was tempted to not even bring up Stephen not being there for him earlier; now he had a good reason.

Tony ran his hand through his hair and went over to his work table. He opened up the top cabinet and pulled out a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. He poured the alcohol into the small glasses and then took one over to his boyfriend, holding it out to him.

Strange looked at him disapprovingly, tiredness laced in his eyes. “You shouldn’t be drinking…”

Tony shrugged. “Yeah, probably not, but… I’m not going to let you drink alone either. We both need to relax after the day we had today. Time to unwind.”

Strange looked like he wanted to argue but took the glass from him regardless before he took a long sip until he had finished it off and gave him back to Tony.

“How did it go, by the way? With Rogers?” There was a softer edge to Stephen’s voice now, the alcohol seeming to have helped him relax a little.

Tony thought about lying, that would be so easy. He had mastered the art of lying; lying to himself, lying to his parents, Pepper, his team…but he found it impossible to lie to the man he loved and cared for.

He took a shaky breath before he took a drink of his bourbon. “It probably could have gone better.”

“What happened? Don’t leave me in suspense, Stark.”

Tony took a deep breath and finished off his drink before he poured himself a second, smaller one before he pulled a chair up beside Stephen. “I tried to be civil about it. I think… I think he tried too. He apologized and I was just watching him, and… my anger got the best of me. I hated seeing him so calm when I feel like I’m fighting a whole army of Ultrons inside of me. I said things, he said things, and then I had a panic attack. I just… lost it.”

Stephen’s face fell and realization spread across it. “Shit… Tony, I’m… I’m sorry. I should have been there with you. I shouldn’t have gone…”

Seeing Strange’s instant regret made Tony feel like his heart was being squeezed tightly. He silently felt guilty about all the resentment towards Strange he had felt. He shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t say that you shouldn’t have gone, Strange. If you had stayed behind and not even had tried to save those people on whatever planet you were on in whatever plane of existence, they would have died knowing that no one had even tried to save them. It’s better if you try, at least, even if the odds are against you,” Tony reassured, meaning every word.

Stephen sighed again and he hit the side of the chair angrily, but anger at himself. “You had another attack! You had it because you didn’t want to be alone with him, and you were because I wasn’t there!”

Tony took his hand again now and gently caressed it in his own rough one. “I wasn’t alone. Natasha came with us. I think I would have had one with or without you, Strange. Rogers is always going to make me feel like that, uneasy… uncomfortable. But I knew I had to stay what I did or else it was just going to continue to eat at me. Would I have liked for you to be there with me? Of course, but… not at the risk of innocent life.”

Stephen appeared to have calmed down a bit again. “They still died. Nothing changed.”

“Like I said before, they died knowing that _someone somewhere_ came to their rescue, and did the best he could what he had. That meant something, even in their last moments.”

“That hasn’t happened to me before, Anthony,” Stephen admitted. “I’ve always been able to save them. I’ve been able to warp time and change things but it didn’t work this time. Why?”

Tony thought about this for a while before he spoke. “Maybe… it was destiny? Maybe it was supposed to happen? I don’t know, you can’t change destiny, right? Aren’t those the rules?”

Stephen mulled this over in his head.

“Maybe. Why the hell would an entire population have to die though? What reason?”

Tony took another drink before he handed it to Stephen, who finished it off. “So more can be reborn. Better things can happen.”

Stephen looked over at him now with soft eyes and smiled weakly. “Thanks, Stark. I needed to hear all that.”

“Anytime, Strange.”

 

**.    .    .    .    .   .**

“We need to do something. You said that Rogers isn’t beyond the point of no return.”

Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair as he glanced over at Natasha from across the kitchen table. Stephen sat on his left, Bruce on his right, Bucky between Nat and Bruce. They had been talking for over an hour and no one was able to agree on anything. Their half-eaten dinner plates still lay in front of them.

“I don’t know where the hell his head is at right now, Nat,” Tony shrugged. “He genuinely seemed sorry, but… facts are facts; he still abused Barnes. We can’t let that go unpunished.”

“Tony,” Bruce interjected now, looking at him with apologetic eyes. “You can’t keep yelling and screaming at him about it. It doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t change anything.”

Tony looked over at him and chewed on his lip. “Maybe not but it feels damn good.”

“It’s just words,” Stephen spoke now. “They’re not getting through to him. He may seem apologetic but most abusers are, sometimes they’re genuine, most of the time they’re just manipulative. His endgame is that he wants to see James and talk to him.”

Barnes cleared his throat. “That’s not goin’ to happen.”

“Of course not,” Tony reassured him. “We need to do something though. I don’t want him bugging the car again and trying to track our every movement. He’s becoming annoyingly stalkerish.”

Nat leaned across the table. “What if we give him supervised visits like we suggested before? Maybe he’ll stop.”

“He won’t stop, Natasha,” Strange answered for Tony. “Abusers don’t stop. They just escalate.”

“No offense intended but when did you become the leading expert in abusers?”  Bruce gave Stephen a look.

Strange kept his composure, resting his face on his index and his thumb, looking over at Bruce now. “When I’m not fighting aliens, I like to stop domestic violence in my spare time as well,”

No one really knew what to say to that but Tony couldn’t help but smile to himself, feeling proud. Silence fell over the table and Bruce just sighed in defeat. Then, Stephen straightened up in his chair and looked uneasily around the table before speaking again.

“I know… of one possible idea I could do.” Everyone looked at him expectantly so he continued. “It’s called… laser guided amnesia. Basically, I work my magic and I can make Rogers forget certain things.”

The other Avengers appeared to be mulling his idea over.

Nat cocked her head slightly to the side in interest. “Like what? I mean, what would we make him forget exactly?”

Barnes knitted his eyebrows in curiosity as well.

“Well, I’m thinking maybe… I can sort of rewire his brain a little. For example, get rid of all his anger towards Tony and James being friends, everything during the Civil War between all of you, what have you, and… make him keep good memories instead. He’ll still remember all of us, but… he won’t remember the reasons he had for hurting James,” Stephen explained. “Therefore, he won’t feel like hurting any of us unless we give him a good reason to.”

“He’ll be back to his old self,” Nat said under her breath in understanding.

Stephen nodded. “Exactly. We won’t have to worry about him anymore.  We can leave the two of them alone again without worrying about anyone getting hurt. No grudges to remember. Just… total acceptance and partial amnesia.”

“And if he finds out we did this to him?” Tony asked almost fearfully.

Stephen wet his lips, shaking his head. “There’s going to be risk, Tony, whatever we decide to do with him, but… I think this is our best bet that we have right now. I think it’s worth a shot if you all are up for it.”

Bruce gave a weak smile. “The benefits outweigh the risk.”

Tony still felt skeptical about Stephen’s plan but he kept telling himself he had to have faith in this man. He loved him, and Strange never gave up on him, no matter how frustrated he was. He needed to return the favor if he was any kind of boyfriend. He had to support him.

“Let’s do it,” Stark agreed.

Natasha gave a small smile and nodded. “I agree. It’s the best idea any of us have had in the past hour.”

Stephen glanced over at Barnes who had turned quiet, waiting for an answer from him.

Barnes shifted in his chair uneasily, sighing. “That means… he’ll remember be trying to kill him a couple years ago.”

“He forgave you for that, Barnes,” Tony chimed in gently. “He knows you were under Hydra’s mind control at the time. He won’t hold that against you.”

“That’s right,” Stephen promised. “He’ll remember that you’re his best friend, and all the good times you’ve been through together, growing up. I can create fake memories for him to help him accept that you and Tony are friends as well. I think that’d be for the best.”

Barnes nodded now, feeling more confident about Stephen’s idea. “All right, then. Let’s do it.”

Stephen looked over at Tony and smiled. The other man smiled back as well, feeling his own confidence having been restored as well. This had to work. If this didn’t work then he would have to continue feeling afraid of Steve Rogers, always having panic attacks in his presence, and being afraid that he would continue to hurt Barnes.

This had to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I'm going to sort of use my own powers of fan fiction to write the next chapter with Steve and Stephen so please bear with me, and realize that I may not do it exactly how it is done in the Doctor Strange comics. This is your forewarning, so please do not leave me messages in the next chapter telling me things like "That's not how it was done" or anything of the like. This is a work of fiction, my fiction. Obviously not everything is canon in this story but I do hope you will enjoy it nonetheless! 
> 
> <3


	19. change of heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .....

**.     .     .**

 

 

Tony woke up with a start, sweat beading his forehead, breathing hard as he tried to get an idea of his surroundings again.

He was home, at the Tower.

His eyes landed on Stephen Strange, who had spent the night after their serious talk.

Tony took a deep breath and let it out again before he quietly tip toed out of his room in his pajama bottoms, closing the door silently behind him as not to wake up his companion.

He walked on the cool floor towards the kitchen and jumped when he saw Clint Barton drinking coffee, leaning against the cabinets. “Did Jarvis let you in?”

Clint shook his head but it was Natasha’s voice Tony heard next.

“I did,” she stood next to Clint now and guilt flooded her eyes. “I’m sorry, but… he came by and he wants to talk to you about something, and… I would like you to hear him out.”

Tony already had a bad feeling about this. If it was anyone else asking him to do this, he’d say no flat out and make Barton leave. Nat and him had become close since their Civil War though; it had become more and more difficult to say no to her.

“Fine. Are you staying here for this conversation?”

Natasha looked over at Clint who gave a small smile and then looked back at Tony. “Yeah, I think I should.”

He hadn’t even had his morning coffee yet and already Barton was about to spring something on him that even Nat knew he wouldn’t like. He looked at them tiredly.

“Say what you have to say, Barton…” Tony urged as polite as he could manage on a pre-coffee morning before nine a.m.

Clint cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “Natasha told me about your little vote you guys did last night. Am I no longer a part of this team that my vote doesn’t even count, Stark?”

Tony felt a lump in his throat and he cast a look at Natasha that told her he was definitely not happy with her right now, however, her face remained neutral.

“You weren’t around, Barton. It’s simple as that. Anyway, they voted yes. You’re outvoted.”

Clint clenched his jaw and shoved Tony back hard, nearly causing him to fall before he caught himself. “You have no right! You had no right to make that call without me. You did this because you _knew_ I would vote against it! Admit it, Stark!”

Natasha placed a hand on Clint’s shoulder which seemed to pull him in somewhat but his eyes were laced with anger and betrayal.

Tony swallowed hard but he still stared at Clint, unflinching. “No, I won’t admit that because it isn’t true. If you want the truth, the thought of you knowing how you would choose no, didn’t even cross my mind, Barton.”

“Of course it didn’t! You only think about your damn self anyway!” Clint yelled at him.

Tony looked at Natasha who wasn’t telling Clint to calm down or anything. By her silence, Tony could feel her solidarity with Clint, and it hurt. He searched her face in confusion. “You were okay with this last night, Nat. Are you changing your vote to no?”

She bit her lip but stood up tall, looking back at Tony. “I only agreed with the procedure on Steve last night because everyone else was. I’m with Clint on this.”

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose before he sighed and shook his head in disbelief.  He shouldn’t be surprised this was happening but yet here he was.

“How can this come as a shock to you, Tony?” Clint continued. “You know what happened to me with Loki, and you know what happened to Natasha and the rest of us in Wakanda! I can’t believe _you’re_ okay with all of this!”

“I’m okay with this because it needs to be done!” Tony shouted back as he heard footsteps behind him, their argument waking up those who stayed the night. “I’m okay with this because it’s necessary!”

Clint laughed humorlessly. “Oh, yeah. Anything to justify it, right, Stark? You goddamn prick.”

Tony felt his blood boiling and more than anything he wanted to punch Clint’s lights out but he took a step back instead. The last thing he needed was for Nat to be mad at him for anything. It was much better to have her on his side when he needed her.

“We have to do this, Barton. Majority still wins,” he replied.

Clint tongued his cheek and shook his head in disbelief. “You don’t _have_ to do anything and you won’t! I’m not going to let you do this!”

“Oh yeah? How are you going to stop us?”

Clint took a step forward, and so did Natasha. “If you go through with this, I’m done. I’m done with the Avengers and I’m done with you! I’ll go back to my apartment and never look back. You need me on the team, just like how you need any of the others, and Nat will leave too. You’ll be out two of your best team members. You can’t afford that, Stark.”

Tony became nervous now. He knew that they weren’t just empty words; Clint was one of the people that would do what he promised, and no matter if Natasha was his friend as well; she would still side with Clint no matter what. The two of them had just been through too much to give up that friendship. He was racking his brain of what to do right now but he was coming up empty.

“Barton,” Tony urged. “Cap’s going to keep hurting Bucky. Is that what you want?”

Clint seemed to calm down now, seeing Tony’s defeated stance. He ran another hand through his hair again. “Of course not. I don’t mind the kid, and I don’t want to see him hurt, but… you didn’t like what Wanda did to you, what she made you see. She manipulated you, Stark, just like how you want to manipulate Rogers, and it isn’t right.”

No one would ever let the billionaire forget that. It seemed like his teammates always had to remind him of the Ultron catastrophe, even if it had been his fault. It didn’t help to keep reminding him about it.

“In fact,” Clint continued, seeing Bruce behind Tony. “Let’s open this conversation up a little, shall we? Banner, how did you feel when Maximoff played with your mind?”

“Don’t do it, Barton,” Tony warned now, shaking his head. He knew even without turning around that Bruce was mulling this over.

“Not good,” he heard his friend admit. “Tony had to stop me from destroying Wakanda, and… after that, I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

“This is different! It’s controlled! Strange will help fix things for the better! Bucky wouldn’t get hurt anymore! This isn’t like what happened with Wanda.”

“Isn’t it?” Clint took another step towards Tony. His face was serious but his voice softened. “I grew up in an abusive house, as you know, Stark. It’s how I got these in the first place,” he tapped on the thin and slender Stark-made hearing aids that were wrapped around his ears. “I know how shitty it is to live like that and I don’t envy the kid, nor do I want to see him get hurt again but I’m telling you right now, mind manipulation or no, it’s encoded in Rogers to abuse. He’ll keep doing it and you won’t be able to stop him, and it’s going to make you feel like the most helpless person in the world.”

With that, Clint started out of the kitchen but didn’t leave the building. Instead, Tony watched him enter the elevator doors and start going down, most likely to the archery floor the inventor had set up for him to practice or in this case, release frustrations.

He was now left in the room with Bruce and Natasha and as he heard familiar footsteps on the tile, now Stephen Strange as well. Tony sighed and turned to look at all of them.

“He doesn’t… know it for sure, that it wouldn’t work. I mean… it’s different, isn’t it?” Tony found himself questioning his own thoughts.

Clint had left him with food for thought and it tasted bitter in his mouth. He searched Stephen’s face desperately.

The half-dressed man looked at him helplessly back. “It worked, in the case of the other person I did it on, but… it was a regular innocent, no super serum, no history of abuse… I don’t know how it will effect Steve Rogers, but there’s a possibility Clint could be right, Tony. Even if Is wiped his memories and replaced them with different ones, what causes him to hurt James could resurface and it’d all be for nothing.”

“Plus, imagine how Steve’s going to react if he ever found out what we did. I mean, there has to be repercussions from that, right?” Bruce asked rhetorically.

“That’s going to mess with him,” Natasha agreed now, nodding. “It could cause him to behave unpredictably, and… we can’t have that right now. We need him focused. I don’t think we should do this when there are so many risks involved.”

Tony swallowed hard, looking at her. “You agreed to this. You all agreed to this last night. Bruce, you said the benefits outweigh the risk. Why are you all changing your mind now?”

They were all quiet, glancing at each other before Natasha dared to speak again. “Clint gave us some things to think about, Tony, and… I think you should reconsider. We need Clint on our team, and… I’m valuable as well alongside all of you. You don’t need to lose two members.”

Tony scoffed now and threw his arms up in the air, feeling frustrated.

“Well congratulations. You and Barton manipulated me enough to reconsider all right. You’re right; We can’t lose two members of the team, and you knew that. He laid that guilt trip so… perfectly, didn’t he, Nat? Reminding me about Sokovia? It’s really amazing how much your mind can change overnight, though. I underestimated all of you,” Tony replied, turning to glance at them.

“Tony, it’s not like that,” Strange stepped over to him.

Bruce looked conflicted and guilty as disappeared out of the kitchen.

Tony took a slow breath, his chest hurting. “I better go tell Barton the good news, then. He won, I lost, like always.”

“I-I’ll tell him,” Nat offered softly.

Tony shook his head. “No, he should hear it from me. I know that he gets the most satisfaction when it comes out of my mouth.”

He took the elevator and then started down to the archery room.


	20. awol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, but fear not, friends. A sequel is already in the works!

**.    .     .**

Tony wished he could use his repulsor blasts on Clint Barton. He had somehow managed to change everyone’s’ minds in the course of ten minutes. It tore the inventor up from the inside; he thought that for once he would be able to get his friends on his side.

As he made his way down to where the eagle-eyed agent was practicing his archery skills, he felt his anger building up with every step until he was nearly trembling with rage.

Before he could stop himself or think about what he was doing, he clocked the archer in the back of the head hard with his fist, causing Barton to fall forward on his knees.

“What the hell, Stark?! Are you fucking kidding me?”

Tony was breathing heavy now, feeling beyond frustrated. He glared down at him and then kicked Clint in the ribs before he put his put his foot on top of him. “No! Stay down, Barton! Before you came over here, I had everyone agreeing with me about the right thing to do! You’re making a mistake!”

Clint let out a gasp as Tony knocked the wind out of him with the kick. He coughed awhile before he turned and grabbed the other man’s ankle and pulled him down onto the ground with him. He punched Tony in the mouth hard, breaking his lip.

“No, Stark! You’re the one making the mistake here!”

Tony could taste blood with Clint’s punch but he spit it out to the side of him. He stayed on his back though, most of his rage disappearing. He still felt angry but didn’t feel the need to continue fighting him.

Propping himself up on his elbows now, he glared at him. “Cap needs to be stopped, Barton… before he kills Bucky.”

Clint fell back onto his knees once he saw Tony relax some. He shook his head. “Cap won’t kill him, man. He cares about him too much. He’d sooner kill himself before he killed the kid. You’re delusional.”

Tony still felt the iron taste of blood in his mouth. “You’re the delusional one here, and you’re making everyone else delusional too. What makes you think that he won’t keep hurting him?”

Clint stood up and looked down at him in disbelief. “You know I don’t think that! Were you not there for our conversation in the kitchen earlier? Of course he’s going to keep hurting him because that’s what _they_ do! I’m just sayin’, I don’t think he’d actually kill Bucky. The mind manipulation thing is going to be a waste of time and it’s not worth the risk of him finding out.”

Tony swallowed hard. “Well you got your wish. Everyone else voted not to do it so congratulations, you won, just like you always do.”

Clint stiffened and looked at him challengingly. “What the hell is that supposed to mean, Stark?”

“I mean that you’re able to manipulate everyone to be on your side! Once you got Natasha believing whatever you want, the rest of them just line up like lemmings! You always talk them out of doing whatever I want to do. _Always_ ,” Tony sighed, shaking his head. “I’m tired of it! I’m just… done.”

Clint scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. What do you mean, you’re ‘done’? Done with what?”

Tony ran both his hands through his dark hair. “I mean… I’m fucking done with all your bullshit. And I’m done with Steve’s and just… everyone. I’m taking a break. You can count me out of all your missions. Consider me on a mental health break.”

This seemed to take Clint aback. “You don’t mean that. You’re an Avenger, Stark. You have to do the missions and save the people, just like the rest of us. You don’t get a mental health break!”

“I basically made the Avengers! I set all of you up with the most expensive, high tech tech! There wouldn’t be an Avengers without my funding, Barton,” Tony growled. “I’m done. I’ll still pay for you guys to live here but I’m going to my Malibu home in California. I’m going to go insane if I have to keep dealing with Cap.”

Clint stood there, almost in shock. “What about Barnes?”

Tony shrugged. “I’ll take him with me. He can come and go as he pleases. I’ll even let him borrow my jet to go back and forth.”

“What about… Strange? Aren’t you two together?”

Tony had to admit; he hadn’t thought that far ahead. Would Stephen Strange follow him? Would he think less of Tony if he just up and left like this?

“He’ll find me if he wants to. I’ll still be available if you guys need me, but you probably won’t. You have each other. You don’t need an old man like me.”

Clint blinked, not having expected Tony to say any of this. He cleared his throat. “So that’s it? You’re just going to take Barnes and leave without a proper goodbye?”

Tony tongued his cut lip. “It’ll be better this way, for everyone. Don’t look so lost, Hawkeye. You’ll be fine. I’ll still come and visit from time to time. I just… need to clear my head.”

The other man looked at him with uncertainty. “And… you can’t do that here?”

Tony smirked now and moved closer to him before pulling him into a hug. “Hey, stop this now. You guys have each other. I just can’t do this right now. My head isn’t in the right place. I can’t have panic attacks every mission or whenever I see Cap. I’d be putting all of you in danger. Can’t do that.”

He felt Clint finally submit to his hug and pat his back before he pulled away. “Well, in that case, I’m sorry I punched you. Wouldn’t have done that if I knew you were going to go AWOL.”

Stark was finding it difficult to stay angry at Clint. He sighed and searched his face. “No sweat, Katniss. It’s just a cut. I’ll recover. Well… so long.”

Clint looked at him for a long time before he waved awkwardly, regret laced in his eyes, and something else that Tony imagined was guilt. He knew that look too well; he had grown up with that look plastered to his face. He wanted to say something reassuring to him but nothing came, so Tony just left the archery room and headed to his room to start packing.

  
.  .   .    .   .   .

 

“Plannin’ on leaving without sayin’ goodbye?”

 Tony didn’t even have to turn around to know whose voice that was. He continued to pack his clothes up. “Actually, I was planning on bringing you with me, Barnes.”

He heard the super soldier scoff and chuckle. “Yeah, right…”

“Yeah,” Tony nodded. “That’s right, I was. If you don’t want to come with, that’s fine. No bad feelings, no harm done, but you have fifteen minutes to decide.”

He zipped up his one backpack and turned around to see Bucky raising an eyebrow and then straighten up when he saw the bag. “Wait, no shit? Why the sudden escape? You could wait until tomorrow. Give everyone time to say goodbye.”

Tony shrugged, smirking. “I’m not one for long goodbyes. It’s easier for me this way.”

Bucky searched Tony’s face, trying to digest this. “W-What about everyone else? Won’t they miss you? What about the missions? Don’t you have to be there for them?”

The other man shrugged. “I’m only a phone call away. Jarvis will let me know when bad things are happening and where everyone else is rendezvousing, and then in that case, I’ll bring the two of us to that location in less than 12 hours. No worries, Robocop.”

Barnes looked like he was now contemplating it but then looked a bit fearful. “What… w-what about Steve?”

Tony turned his full attention to his friend. “What about him? Are you afraid of him being mad if you come with me?”

He watched as Bucky nodded.

“I’m going to have the others keep an eye on Cap. If he’s about to come find you, Jarvis will let me know instantly, and then we can deal with it then. Don’t worry, kid. I’m going to protect you, at any cost, all right?”

This answer appeared to calm the Winter Soldier. “Y-Yeah. Okay. I’ll come too, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay. I was hoping you would. Go get packed, say your goodbyes. We leave in ten minutes,” Tony ordered gently.

He heard his heavy footsteps leave his room and he zipped up the last backpack full of clothes. He was just taking the essentials and any tech that might be useful. “Did you catch that, J?”

_“Of course, sir. I will certainly tell you of Captain Rogers’ departure from the Tower as soon as my sensors detect movement away from the building. I will keep you properly notified.”_

“Thanks, Jarvis. I probably don’t tell you enough but… I appreciate that, and everything you do for me.”

_“Thank you, Mr. Stark. I shall speak with you again back in Malibu.”_

Tony smiled to himself. “Can’t wait.”

He grabbed his two bags and headed downstairs to the main hallway before he dropped them down. He let out a small groan as Natasha walked by before she did a double take, backing up and looking at him with a raised eyebrow but there was also a hint on her face that told her this wasn’t the first time he just up and left.

“Leaving us again, Stark?”

He opened his arms in defeat. “Guess so. I’m taking Barnes with me too, just in case he suddenly goes missing around here and you can’t find him.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I have things planned out, don’t worry. Call me if he talks to you about leaving the state, all right?” Tony asked, as Bucky walked up the hallway over to them with a single backpack in tow.

Natasha nodded and gave him a small, apologetic smile. “I’m sorry if this is about Clint, and the whole Steve thing.”

Tony waved it away. “No, it’s… bigger than that. We’re okay, you and I.”

She nodded in understanding before she wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a hug. He placed his arms around her respectfully before she moved on to Bucky.

He hoped that Bruce wasn’t about to show up next. That goodbye was going to be the hardest and longest. Tony figured that he’d have a few choice words to say to him later on, but for now, it was easier to just leave.

Tony then felt his phone vibrate in his hand and he looked down at it before looking at Bucky. “That’s our ride. Our private jet is waiting for us at the apartment.”

Bucky picked up his pack again and opened the door for Tony. The inventor waved goodbye to Nat again before exiting out of Avengers Tower, the air somehow calmed him.

The two friends walked over to Happy’s car that waited for them and piled in it together, playfully shoving the other until they were comfortably inside. Neither of them said anything until they both were finally on the private jet that would take them to Malibu, California to the Stark Mansion.

It was after Bucky had a couple Seven-and-Sevens and Tony, a whiskey when the former man spoke.

“You realize that you’re running away from the real problem, right? That you’re running away from Steve too?”

Tony took a deep breath before he finished off the whiskey and turned to look at James Barnes. “I know, but… I’d like to think of it as just… catching my breath than running away. Don’t judge me for this, kid. I know I’m a weak person.”

Bucky shrugged in dismissal. “I’m not judging you, Stark. I think everyone’s weak in their own way, but… I think we also are strong in ways we can’t see ourselves, but others can.”

“Oh yeah? What ways am I strong, then?”

Bucky leaned back in his chair, gently tapping his metal fingers against the arm rhythmically. “You know when to retreat and regroup. The others are stubborn enough that they’d rather go down fighting and… I don’t think that’s always the smart thing to do.”

Tony smirked at him gratefully before he closed his eyes. “Thanks. You know, I’m glad you’re coming with me, Barnes.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented and kudo'd and bookmarked this story. It means a lot that you took the time to do that. I hope you continue to read this series of mine and that you continue to comment because it really means more than I can say. 
> 
> Thank you, again. Hope to see you all again soon!


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